Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Don't you hate it when the blogs you are following don't get updated every day with something new and you check them out with anticipation and end up all disappointed and now wondering what to do with yourself because your whole idea of the evening was to check out blogs but now that there's nothing new on them you don't know what you'll do with yourself??? Yeah, me neither. I was just sayin'.
Those of you who have been following me through my dark tunnel of dispair may be happy to hear that I am starting to see the end of it! And I don't even know HOW or WHY! It just suddenly happened on this past weekend! Well, I think a lot of it was because my hunny stayed home for most of it; that was such a wonderful treat. Now, of course, I didn't FEEL any different towards it until much later, but still… I started out feeling woe-y and Down and EMO-ish (LOL) and pretty much Indifferent. Especially towards my hunny, sad to say. My relationship with him was fast crumbling as my decent into depression gained depth. (something I didn't realize until my sister pointed out something to me. Not that I knew how to stop it though.)
On Saturday, he had to work, of course, but I was partially child-free since MIL took the older three to a Christmas party. So I used that time to pick up a few groceries and then had a nap with Baby Honey, which was nice. That evening, we both were downstairs together. He was on the couch trying to set up my laptop so it's internet ready
(what is the use of a computer or laptop if it doesn't have internet connection???? Seriously now.)
I managed to get my Stampin' Mojo working and made cards. I actually completed the 12 Christmas cards he wanted for his business. Not Bad, considering I didn't have a CLUE what I was going to do for them when I got down there! I even made up 12 matching envelopes too! I rock! And then I made 2 more cards to start off my Mom's gift. (Shh! don't tell her!)
On Sunday, I bowed out of church yet again… don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my church and the pastors and everyone, but with this depression I've been avoiding a LOT of things. For some reason, mustering up the strength to go out to something I like hasn't been easy, so I've missed about 2 months now, which bums me out because I missed the "I'm Sorry" series I really wanted to hear. Hunny wasn't too impressed with me missing out, but was even Less Impressed when I told him I didn't want to go to the Baby Shower that was in honor of myself and 10 other ladies. I just didn't want to....no, couldn't go. My misery doesn't like company.
We had my family over that night for Abi's bday, even though I was so tired and wanted to crash. I love them too much to not have them over! Just being with them makes me happier, even if I can't show it! After they all left and the kids were in bed, Hunny and I were downstaris again working on our own projects in the same room. We weren't conversing. We weren't working together. But we were in the same room! And it felt SO much Better than upstairs when I'm on the computer and he's watching tv just feet away from eachother.
Since then it's been Different. Better. Changed.
I don't know why though. What made it better? I suppose it was just from him being home and with me (albeit not really) and him treating me like nothing's changed with us (even though in my head things had) and showing me love in his actions.
No profound thoughts. No lightening bolts from heaven. No voice from God. Just change.
So Thank-You to all who have been praying for me. God hears and God answers and things are looking up. I know that I am not "out of the woods" yet and that my depression needs to be dealt with still for it to be fully conquered, but for this change I am happy.
Those of you who have been following me through my dark tunnel of dispair may be happy to hear that I am starting to see the end of it! And I don't even know HOW or WHY! It just suddenly happened on this past weekend! Well, I think a lot of it was because my hunny stayed home for most of it; that was such a wonderful treat. Now, of course, I didn't FEEL any different towards it until much later, but still… I started out feeling woe-y and Down and EMO-ish (LOL) and pretty much Indifferent. Especially towards my hunny, sad to say. My relationship with him was fast crumbling as my decent into depression gained depth. (something I didn't realize until my sister pointed out something to me. Not that I knew how to stop it though.)
On Saturday, he had to work, of course, but I was partially child-free since MIL took the older three to a Christmas party. So I used that time to pick up a few groceries and then had a nap with Baby Honey, which was nice. That evening, we both were downstairs together. He was on the couch trying to set up my laptop so it's internet ready
(what is the use of a computer or laptop if it doesn't have internet connection???? Seriously now.)
I managed to get my Stampin' Mojo working and made cards. I actually completed the 12 Christmas cards he wanted for his business. Not Bad, considering I didn't have a CLUE what I was going to do for them when I got down there! I even made up 12 matching envelopes too! I rock! And then I made 2 more cards to start off my Mom's gift. (Shh! don't tell her!)
On Sunday, I bowed out of church yet again… don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my church and the pastors and everyone, but with this depression I've been avoiding a LOT of things. For some reason, mustering up the strength to go out to something I like hasn't been easy, so I've missed about 2 months now, which bums me out because I missed the "I'm Sorry" series I really wanted to hear. Hunny wasn't too impressed with me missing out, but was even Less Impressed when I told him I didn't want to go to the Baby Shower that was in honor of myself and 10 other ladies. I just didn't want to....no, couldn't go. My misery doesn't like company.
We had my family over that night for Abi's bday, even though I was so tired and wanted to crash. I love them too much to not have them over! Just being with them makes me happier, even if I can't show it! After they all left and the kids were in bed, Hunny and I were downstaris again working on our own projects in the same room. We weren't conversing. We weren't working together. But we were in the same room! And it felt SO much Better than upstairs when I'm on the computer and he's watching tv just feet away from eachother.
Since then it's been Different. Better. Changed.
I don't know why though. What made it better? I suppose it was just from him being home and with me (albeit not really) and him treating me like nothing's changed with us (even though in my head things had) and showing me love in his actions.
No profound thoughts. No lightening bolts from heaven. No voice from God. Just change.
So Thank-You to all who have been praying for me. God hears and God answers and things are looking up. I know that I am not "out of the woods" yet and that my depression needs to be dealt with still for it to be fully conquered, but for this change I am happy.
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