someday...

Isn't it funny (and sad) how the thoughts you had of yourself ended up being false years later? I thought I was "fat" as a teenager. Maybe not really Large, but not skinny or tiny, like my friends. I had a belly. I knew it. It made me jealous of those who didn't seem to have to worry about their weight or fitting into clothes or trying to hide their tummies. Yet, now, when I look through photos of when I was a teen, I don't see this "tummy" I had. I don't see myself as "fat". Actually, instead I see myself as a beautiful young woman…who was a good size.

I wasn't large after all!!! Ahhh… *sigh* Hindsight and all that.

Of course, I can say that now because I have gained a whole Load of weight since I was a teenager! Maybe if I lost a bunch I wouldn't feel so generous about old photos! But that's not the point! The point is… well…what is my point?

I've had four children since I left my teenhood. Yes, I've carried all that weight with me since then…plus some. So, in some ways I have a valid excuse. But man, I sure don't feel like I do! I see some women out there who pop out their babies and you'd never guess they carried anything in their tummies at all!!! (like this one woman who's children attend the school my kids go to. She has FIVE boys! FIVE!!! The oldest is in grade 7 and the youngest is 1 1/2 years old! And she is seriously gorgeous! Stunning! Long blonde hair, tiny figure, always wears sexy heels, dresses in style… sheesh! it's not a frickin' fashion show, lady, just school!!!! LOL *sigh* I want to be her.) There are a lot of excuses I can use. Four children in 7 years. A pre-disposed weight issue in the family on the female side of things. Health issues of my own. Blah blah blah.

The truth is I'm fat. For real fat. Not like the "fat" I was when I was 19 and weighed 125lbs. (oh to be that SMALL again!!!)

I came across this pamphlet at the doctor's office a few weeks ago from Heart & Stroke Foundation of Canada. It came with a long measuring tape, which totally excited me! Free stuff!!! It's intention was for you to determine if you were in the dangerous "Red Zone" with your girth for disease and such. Uhm…as if a large woman (such as myself) doesn't already know she's too fat and needs to lose weight! *roll eyes* (I would introduce it to my friends with the statement, "want to see how obese you are?" I'm so tactful!!!!)

BIIIIG Surprise, it turns out that I AM in that Red Zone. I was disappointed by how much though. My waist (from above my hip bones and all the way around over my belly button) is a total of 111cm. Harumph. The Red Zone begins at 74cm. Now, this Red Zone measuring tape doesn't take into account your age or height or other extenuating circumstances (such as post-pregnancy belly), but maybe that doesn't really matter. (It does have different Zones for Caucasion and Asian women though) All I know is that I need to lose appx 30cm from my waist to get OUT of that Danger Zone.

*sigh*

12 inches. That sounds like so much more than 30 centimetres, for some reason. Doesn't it sound like I'll just wittle away to nothing?

I know what I need to do and I even have lots of ideas on how to do it, but…I lack the motivation. Harumph. Why is that? Is that due to my health, such as my thyroid and sleeping issues? Or is it just laziness and that I've gotten myself into a habit of Not doing anything? Whatever the reason, I need to pick up one foot and slap it on down, and then pick up the next and…. you know.

I came across the KEY-UTEST bathing suit online last week. It's actually a picture I lifted from www.People.com *innocent grin* and it's of Holly Madison. You may know that she used to be one of Hugh Hefner's girlfriends {{{shudder}}} Well, it's of her in this cute bikini that I WANT!!!! Forget the girl, I"m interested in the suit!!!! (her thighs don't touch….that's not right.)

This is what I want:



Isn't it ADORABLE and plaid???? LOVES it!!!!

I feel silly posting this picture b/c it's of a "celebrity" in a bikini, but I really love the suit and it fits in with my FAT story!!! I need to lose weight. I don't know anything about how to do it properly or how much I need to lose, but I have ideas in mind. I now weigh 185lbs and would love to go down to 130. I think with my height of 5'3" that is a good weight. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. I don't know how long this will take me, but at my current rate of nothing, it's not looking like I'll be in that swimsuit this summer. Dangit!!!

BUT…. it's something I can dream and wish about. Maybe by this time next year….??? *sigh* Wouldn't that be great?

If you have any ideas on how to get my lazy self off this chair, let me know! (be gentle with your comments. I have the power to delete!!!) Some encouragement may help too…

ETA: her boobies are distracting, aren't they? I wish I could make 'em smaller or cover them up more. Sheesh! this is a family blog!!!!