when they're not ready

I've been working on potty training for a few months now. No, not for me, I'm fine, thank-you very much. For B. I was hoping that he would have it all ready and done by the end of June and we could spend summer with the training behind us. However, things did not work out like that at all. Instead, we are nearing the end of August and we're still working on the potty training. And it has been such a huge strife for us. Hunny and I are frustrated and lost and at our wit's end.

I stopped the Pull Ups (don't get me started on those! What a waste of money those are! I won't be falling into that Pampers trap with Rhys!!!) and we pulled out the underwear, which B was very excited to wear. Then we took away the underwear in hopes it would step up the awareness issue, which helped for a bit. All was looking good for a while as he was having no troubles making it to the bathroom to urinate, and I thought we were in the home stretch. But then things changed.

This past week, it feels like we've taken two giant steps backwards. He's been peeing on the floor, he's been peeing in his underwear, he's been peeing in his swimming trunks. And he'll just stand there and stare at the puddle in surprise as if he had no idea what just happened, didn't know it was going to occur. And I'm left wondering how it came to this. Did he forget this talent or was he always just 'lucky' before? And don't get me started on the poop!!!

We just don't know what to do. When will he get it?

We've all heard the statement that one day he'll just "get it" and you can't really train a child until they are "ready" and let me just say that while that is true, it is also full of emptiness. I want to know HOW and WHEN he'll "get it". We've been working at this for several months and he doesn't seem any closer than he was when we started.

My question is What do you do when he doesn't "get it"? How do I stop the training, or do I? Do I put him into diapers again, or do I just cheerfully clean his dirty underwear everyday? Do I make him clean himself? I've tried it all and nothing seems to help. Instead, B is still oblivious and we're more frustrated. He doesn't even try to go to the toilet! I don't know what my next step is.

He starts preschool in two weeks, and yes, it's only for 2 hours a few times a week and so he could go in a diaper or maybe even underwear if he's careful (but I'm not confident on that idea yet) but still...we told him all the way back in May that he needed to be potty trained to attend school. He knows what he needs to do. He's done it once before. He understands the process. But he won't do it. Or maybe he can't. How do you know the difference? I thought he Could but now I wonder if maybe he's not ready because he honestly doesn't know how to eliminate. *sigh*

I hate this whole process. I hated it with Abi and Kai but I hate it even more with B. It seems as though each child has progressively gotten worse! What is it going to be like with Rhys? The nice thing is that he's interested in sitting on the potty, so I'm going to start working with him now as well. Maybe he'll get it quickly! What a blessing that would be! It's so hard because while I can show him the potty, I can't make him go in it! Argh, I make a poor teacher!

I mostly wish that it didn't bother me so much. I wish I could be more relaxed about it and more patient, and some days I am, but mostly I feel tense and frustrated! My friend found out a quote where it says that something like only 3% of children are ever fully potty trained by age 4. That did make me feel a *bit* better, but it also shocked me. Seriously? I find it really hard to believe. In that case, Abi & Kai were above-average when they were trained at age 3 1/2! And I thought that was too old!!!

I could really use some encouragement and advice for others on this. I'm at a loss and I hate feeling this way.