break's almost over

I took a break. A long break. I don't know if I've ever had this long of a break from here before. And it came out of nowhere, for no reason. I just stopped coming here and checking out the blogs and didn't get around to updating anything. No reason. Other than being tired, of course. But other than that, since that's normal for me, it was abrupt.

I can't say if I'm "back" or not, I just felt like popping in again. But maybe that's how things start. If it was so easy for to just stop, theoretically it should be just as easy to get back into the habit of blogging. I always have things on my mind...I've just got to get them into written word.

...and that's all I have.

Makes you think....

I came across these videos tonight that I KNEW I just had to share.

Pt 1: the overpopulation myth



Pt 2: 2.1 Kids: A Stable Population


Pt 3: Food: there's lots of it


I love these. They are my New Favourites! My favouritest is the one on the kids, since I get shocked looks and sometimes disdain when people hear that I have four children! Hey, I'm just doing my part. Are you? *smile*

TGIF!

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Adjusting

The Olders are back in school and loving it and B started Preschool and he's doing great, so things should be settling down for me, and I should be in a rhythm now, but I don't feel that way. Instead, I feel exhausted. I feel that fear of mornings again, where I attempt to muster up some energy to drive to the school (a tumbler filled with hot chocolate works for a bit, but then gives me a tummy ache! and I'm not a coffee drinker.) but feel like collapsing during the day. I've seen the doctor and my thyroid isn't out enough to cause this much fatigue and it isn't anything else (I know what you're thinking!) so I guess it's just that I Don't Do Mornings Well. At all.

Phooey.

I wonder oftentimes if I'll ever get it figured out and I don't know. It's a depressing thought. So far, things seem to be on a downward scale and I don't see the possibility of a difference. But I must be open to the chance of a productive day, or else I have no hope. But in reality, I am frightened that this is all there is for me; constantly exhausted and struggling for normalcy.

This is the time for adjustments and tweaking things, for working on schedules and trying new options. And hoping it'll start to come easier for me to figure out.

worlds apart

My heart is yearning and desiring a change and a deeper relationship, and when I don't know how to respond or fix things, I seek solace in music. So I pulled out a cd that I haven't listened to in a long time, and that brought my search to the internet and videos and I came across a song that didn't always effect me the way it does now. It stirs my heart. He is calling me.



Worlds Apart ~ Jars of Clay


I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

[Additional lyrics:]

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart




Hallelujah. Hallelujah.

take my world apart.

Scrappy Sunday: Rhys

I haven't played with my My Digital Studio nearly enough, nor have I scrapbooked, but there were these cute pictures of Rhys that needed to be done. (MDS is a digital papercrafting program through Stampin' Up!)

Sometimes it's tough for Abi being the only girl in our family, but she always manages to convince her brothers to dress up in girly clothes! This time it was Rhys. He made an adorable girl for about half an hour!

Third time's a Charm

Like every good child born over 20 years ago, I had chicken pox. I don't remember it at all though. I don't know if I caught it from a sibling or a neighbour, or if I spread it. I don't even know how old I was and if I was troublesome to my parents. Maybe that's what my problem is. Maybe if it were more memorable, I wouldn't have gone out and caught the infectious virus a second time.

They say you can't do that, but I showed them all! Except that I don't recall that event either! Was it soon after the first bout? Was it more difficult on me or my mom? How does it happen twice? The only evidence I have to such an ailment are the pock marks that appear so white along my legs when I am cold or when my legs are tired. (usually when standing too long)

If getting chicken pox a second time is almost unheard of, why are so many adults getting it? Of course, they give it a different name, as to not alarm you, but it happens. I can attest to it! For I befell the chicken pox a Third time. Except they call is the herpes zooster virus. (not to be confused with oral herpes or the STD) It's painful. I don't recommend being as advantageous as myself and activating it.

Just what is the herpes zooster virus? I'm glad you asked---otherwise my attempts at mystery are just annoying!--It is SHINGLES! Yes, shingles. Apparently it's not just for the elderly! What a surprise it was for me when the doctor at the clinic told me. Shingles? Are you serious?

It started out as these itchy sore bumps on the underside of my forearm that I thought were bug bites. Actually, my first thought was spider bites in the night, but there were 7 of them and not placed close enough for fangs. So I thought bugs. But what kind and why so many and how in the world did they bite me there? I noticed them on a Saturday morning; they were red and itchy. That night, I had a shooting pain in my arm that woke me up. On Sunday, it hurt to move my arm! I'm not ashamed to admit that I was starting to feel paranoid. The spots were red and pain was starting to spread into my armpit and into my muscle. I kept thinking these bug bites were infected and I was terribly sick. I'd lament to my Hunny, "Will you still love me with one arm?"
My Hunny just laughed. "You're not going to lose am arm!"
I pouted. "You don't know that. Besides, you didn't answer my question."
It took him a good fifteen minutes, be he finally said that he'd still love me with one arm. I'm not too sure I believe him, frankly. It took him too long. So tragic.

So, the doctor at the clinic says it's Shingles. That's Chicken Pox for those who've already had chicken pox! What fun. Except it wasn't. The good thing is that it wasn't too itchy and that it is only on a small area (as opposed to a full body break out with the actual chicken pox) Of course, I had to read up on it and I learned quite a bit. Did you know that they don't have an actual cause for them? Doctors just know that the virus lays dormant in your neck at the base of your spine, and something triggers it's reactivation. Stress, of course, is the number 1 cause, but sometimes I wonder if they say that because they don't really have a good answer or reason. My doctor asked if I had a sunburn recently and since I had, he said that could've caused it too, which was very interesting. I couldn't find that written anywhere, but my Mom, a retired nurse, said she remembered something about that too. Very curious. The other thing is that it isn't contagious. Well, sortof. It is to those who haven't had chicken pox before or haven't had the vaccine, which includes my Hunny. So he was a *bit* paranoid! It took him a day or two to finally believe me that if I was going to pass it to him, he would've already had it since contagons usually get passed within the first three days.

(My Hunny may be in the small percentage who never get chicken pox. There are some who have a natural immunity to it. The only way to find out is to do a blood test though, and that hasn't been the top of our priority list, so this will remain a mystery. He could get the vaccine as well, if he was concerned, but obviously it doesn't keep him awake at night either as he hasn't opted to do that, even though we've been told that having chicken pox as an adult is worse than having it as a child. We did decide to get the vaccine for our children, although I do wonder why. Maybe they have an immunity as well. I guess I don't know enough about chicken pox, but isn't the virus just a nuisance? I'm not too sure why we have to erradicate it. I suppose it is nicer to not have to get it, but does it really matter if you did? It was such a 'childhood rite of passage' growing up that I find it strange to think that our children and children's children won't have to go through it. But then I tell myself that I'm being silly. Do we really want our children to go through illnesses if they don't have to? I suppose if they don't have chicken pox, they won't have shingles later either. That's a good thing!)

day 3:


The main thing I read about Shingles is how painful it is, which had me concerned. Some people go on morphine? Really? Yikes! How bad was this going to be for me? In the beginning it wasn't too bad, just sore and achey, but not what I'd call morphine-needed pain. That is, until day Three. I was taking Extra-Strength Tylenol but it wasn't helping and it just felt worse as the day went on. By the time Hunny came home, I was in tears. So after dinner, he took a trip to the store for something stronger. I'm on no-name acetaminaphin with codeine. It helps, but I need to keep up with it. I was also on two different medications: an antibiotic and an antiviral. (the antibiotic smelled so nasty. I made Hunny smell it and he gagged a few times. *snicker*)


day 8:



This is a bad picture of the pox, but you can kind of see how they have crusted over now. They were more itchy then, but the pain was gone as soon as that happened, so I was happy. Things were starting to look up for me. Except when the top came off, then the pain returned! Boo! But I was so happy to say that things were all cleared up by day 10! I had friends who were praying for me and it obviously worked!


A month later, there are still slight scarring after, and I get achiness in the area every now and then, but am happy to be able to put this behind me. Or can I? I didn't learn if shingles can be caught over and over yet. (I heard that there is a vaccine available though, so that's a thought.) *grumble*