feeling nostalgic

I got distracted tonight. That's not unusual for me, but still… I had to put together my closet since one of the shelves' had fallen down. The kids were playing in my closet (of course) and had managed to push over one of the poles of the organizer, which in turn knocked off the shelf from it's placing, dropping all of my cutesy shoes (you know, the heeled ones that I LOVE but only wear for fancy occassions..like weddings or work or dating years ago!) and my shirts to the floor. After I replaced it, I decided to take a look into a huge box on the floor to see what was in it! Oh yes! Letters! Lots of them! (I'm a *bit* of a hoarder!)

Oh, what memories! I was proud of myself too because I managed to recycle some of them, the ones that were old, boring or things I was able to release myself from…nothing from my friends who read this, of course not! But the whole thing was interesting. I got warm fuzzies when I re-read some of my love notes to my hunny when we were dating and engaged. Sweet love letters! I told him tonight that "I really loved you back then!" LOL …'as opposed to NOW'??? I meant it in a good way, teehee! I'm keeping those. I'm also keeping the letters from old "loves"…you know, the ones from exs that tell you how much they love you, how wonderful you are, how beautiful you are, how they've realized how stupid they were and now regret losing you…??? Yeah, gotta keep the one from Matt!!! LOL (hey, a girl needs to remember these things) I did manage to get rid of a bunch of letters from an old friend, but not before reading one of them and realizing something about myself!

I came across a box from my old best friend and had plans to get rid of the whole thing just because we ended on the wrong foot (why does that always happen?) and I'm still hurt by it, but as soon as I opened up the box, all these memories came back to me. Bittersweet ones though. Memories of our wonderful 5 year friendship. Oh, she was my Soul Friend, the one who understood me through everything and loved me continuously. But then things changed and we grew apart, and it hurts. I'm not ready to get rid of the box, so away it goes back into the closet. Hopefully one day I'll be able to open it up and read some of the contents and release it from me, but not yet.

I also found some fun stuff… I keep lots of strange things (in case you didn't know that already!) Mostly email jokes! I also came across a bunch od old cards and letters from my own family; mostly from my Mom. I was born to a wonderfully sentimental, kind, caring and loving Mother, who from time-to-time would send her children letters (yes, even when we lived with her still!) and notes of encouragement. I still remember one in particular that she gave me saying that some comments my brother and his friend made were inappropriate and that their view of maturity in a young woman was vastly different than mine, and that I was special and mature, and then she listed how. That still sticks with me. I don't remember what the comment my brother made, I can only guess it had to do with comparing me to some other girl, but I can't recall the reasons behind it, but that doesn't really matter. What matters is that I have proof (not that I needed it) of something More important, something more tangible, and that is of my mother's love. I am so pleased that she has passed on importance of kind words and encouragement to me. I hope one day my daughter looks back and sees evidence of my love for her in tangible ways too.

Despite the box full of bittersweet memories, I was able to come back and see what really is important and remind myself of how blessed I am to have my family. I have many fun cards from my sister to make me laugh, letters of how happy she was of her engagement, notes from her in French (which I can't speak or read, but she can!)… It has sparked my desire and interest to connect again via snail mail! Who doesn't like getting mail??? :) All-in-all, it was a nice distraction.