Friday, August 21, 2009
I got a call from The Doctor I See (lol) to come in for the results of my bloodwork three days ago. That's usually a good/bad sign. It means that they need to talk to you. But that's what I was hoping for! I didn't want to go in to see him today and have him wonder what I was doing there.
The results weren't what I was expecting or hoping for. It turns out that my thyroid is out...something I knew...but I didn't think it would be Too High. My medication needs to go down again. WT??? I was slightly surprised. Down??? That doesn't make sense b/c three weeks ago I was up at 200 and Doing Well, then I had to go down to 175 and things have been Rough. And now I've got to go down further?
I told the doctor how I was expecting to increase the meds, how I noticed a difference after two days, how I can't get out of bed (which, thankfully, he actually wrote down word-for-word in my file. yay!) and how bad things have been. He was surprised to hear this and even showed me the test results, which clearly state the numbers (which really don't make sense to me. I don't know what number is 'normal'!) and the words: results are characterised with hyperthyroidism. *sigh*
He asked if I wanted to go back up or not, to which I decide that the Doctor is the Professional, and if he says I'm too high, I guess I've got to go with him. The idea for now is to keep at my current doseage and check again in two weeks to see if there is a difference. And I was okay with that when I left the office. Well, ... a bit....not really...only sort of. I actually wanted to cry by the time I got to my van. I wanted to cry when I drove to Tim Horton's and treated myself to an Iced Capp. I wanted to cry when I got home and knew I'd have to update people on the apointment.
But I didn't. I held it in. But now I'm wondering if I made the right decision. If 175 hasn't been doing good for me for three weeks, why in the world did I agree to stay on it for two more weeks???? Why??? Why??? Why??? *sigh* Good question. It makes more sense to either go back Up or go Down according to my results. But the truth is, I'm scared to go down. My body didn't like going down from 200, why would it like to go down further? So instead of trusting medical science, I decide to stop and wait. For what? My thyroid to correct itself? For the bloodwork to suddenly show how I really feel? But what if I'm wrong? Like Jenny said, how do I know that me feeling this crummy isn't because I'm Too High??? Uhm.... I dunno. It could be. So, by staying where I am is going to get me nowhere, isn't it?
You know what the worst thing of having your thyroid out? Oh, that is, other than the depression? Yeah. I'm also not good at decision-making. Or remembering things. Or making sense. I just Can't Think Straight. At All. I'm a jumbled mess. You know what stupid thing I did today? Or actually this whole week? I screwed up my thyroid even more!!! By attempting to "self medicate" *roll eyes* Uhm, someone should remind me that I can't make proper decisions. I need adult supervision! The first day, I took two 100s. Okay. All good. Feeling better just knowing I'm on a higher happier dose. Day 2....uhm, I can't recall. But I had a strong implication yesterday when I pulled out those 100s again. As I stood looking at those two pink pills it struck me that the day prior, I didn't see two but one, and it was green. Uh-Oh! It turns out that I took one 88mg. Oops. That's a bit less than I should be taking, and it certainly didn't make my day any better. Then here comes today. I woke up "late"...and when I mean late, I mean I woke up when my alarm went off but couldn't get out of bed for another half hour, giving me only 45 minutes to get myself, and four children dressed and fed so that they could go next door while I sped over to my apt a few minutes late. So I missed taking my pills. But I told myself to take them when I got home. After I talked to my neighbour, then my Hunny, then my mom. Don't forget. Right! Lunchtime. Naptime for Rhys. Alright, let's all go out and do my errands while I feel up to it! Is it dinnertime already? Oh no!!!! Guess what I forgot? So let's just say that today is a very very crummy day indeed for me.
Why can't I remember simple tasks? Sheesh! Have you ever met someone so forgetful? I've tried to talk to friends about it, feeling surely I must not be the only one. But nope, it turns out I am! Wow! My friend informed that in the 18 years she's taken a medication, she has never once forgotten to take it!!!! I can't even go a whole week it seems! Not knowing this happened to me today, both my Hunny and my Mom suggested in two separate occassions that maybe I need to get those "daily pill reminders". You know, where the pharmacist blister packages all your pills into a calendar chart for you. On each day, you pop open the bubble, take your meds, then move on. But my issue is that I'll likely forget THAT as well!!! The problem is that I don't just forget to take one of the meds, but ALL of them!!! They're all in the same place, and I go there every day. *sigh*
*banging head on table*
To finish my question above: the hardest part of having a broken thyroid is that once it's out and you're going through a Rough Patch, it's a cycle and it's VERY hard to pull yourself out of it. And every day it just feels worse.
The results weren't what I was expecting or hoping for. It turns out that my thyroid is out...something I knew...but I didn't think it would be Too High. My medication needs to go down again. WT??? I was slightly surprised. Down??? That doesn't make sense b/c three weeks ago I was up at 200 and Doing Well, then I had to go down to 175 and things have been Rough. And now I've got to go down further?
I told the doctor how I was expecting to increase the meds, how I noticed a difference after two days, how I can't get out of bed (which, thankfully, he actually wrote down word-for-word in my file. yay!) and how bad things have been. He was surprised to hear this and even showed me the test results, which clearly state the numbers (which really don't make sense to me. I don't know what number is 'normal'!) and the words: results are characterised with hyperthyroidism. *sigh*
He asked if I wanted to go back up or not, to which I decide that the Doctor is the Professional, and if he says I'm too high, I guess I've got to go with him. The idea for now is to keep at my current doseage and check again in two weeks to see if there is a difference. And I was okay with that when I left the office. Well, ... a bit....not really...only sort of. I actually wanted to cry by the time I got to my van. I wanted to cry when I drove to Tim Horton's and treated myself to an Iced Capp. I wanted to cry when I got home and knew I'd have to update people on the apointment.
But I didn't. I held it in. But now I'm wondering if I made the right decision. If 175 hasn't been doing good for me for three weeks, why in the world did I agree to stay on it for two more weeks???? Why??? Why??? Why??? *sigh* Good question. It makes more sense to either go back Up or go Down according to my results. But the truth is, I'm scared to go down. My body didn't like going down from 200, why would it like to go down further? So instead of trusting medical science, I decide to stop and wait. For what? My thyroid to correct itself? For the bloodwork to suddenly show how I really feel? But what if I'm wrong? Like Jenny said, how do I know that me feeling this crummy isn't because I'm Too High??? Uhm.... I dunno. It could be. So, by staying where I am is going to get me nowhere, isn't it?
You know what the worst thing of having your thyroid out? Oh, that is, other than the depression? Yeah. I'm also not good at decision-making. Or remembering things. Or making sense. I just Can't Think Straight. At All. I'm a jumbled mess. You know what stupid thing I did today? Or actually this whole week? I screwed up my thyroid even more!!! By attempting to "self medicate" *roll eyes* Uhm, someone should remind me that I can't make proper decisions. I need adult supervision! The first day, I took two 100s. Okay. All good. Feeling better just knowing I'm on a higher happier dose. Day 2....uhm, I can't recall. But I had a strong implication yesterday when I pulled out those 100s again. As I stood looking at those two pink pills it struck me that the day prior, I didn't see two but one, and it was green. Uh-Oh! It turns out that I took one 88mg. Oops. That's a bit less than I should be taking, and it certainly didn't make my day any better. Then here comes today. I woke up "late"...and when I mean late, I mean I woke up when my alarm went off but couldn't get out of bed for another half hour, giving me only 45 minutes to get myself, and four children dressed and fed so that they could go next door while I sped over to my apt a few minutes late. So I missed taking my pills. But I told myself to take them when I got home. After I talked to my neighbour, then my Hunny, then my mom. Don't forget. Right! Lunchtime. Naptime for Rhys. Alright, let's all go out and do my errands while I feel up to it! Is it dinnertime already? Oh no!!!! Guess what I forgot? So let's just say that today is a very very crummy day indeed for me.
Why can't I remember simple tasks? Sheesh! Have you ever met someone so forgetful? I've tried to talk to friends about it, feeling surely I must not be the only one. But nope, it turns out I am! Wow! My friend informed that in the 18 years she's taken a medication, she has never once forgotten to take it!!!! I can't even go a whole week it seems! Not knowing this happened to me today, both my Hunny and my Mom suggested in two separate occassions that maybe I need to get those "daily pill reminders". You know, where the pharmacist blister packages all your pills into a calendar chart for you. On each day, you pop open the bubble, take your meds, then move on. But my issue is that I'll likely forget THAT as well!!! The problem is that I don't just forget to take one of the meds, but ALL of them!!! They're all in the same place, and I go there every day. *sigh*
*banging head on table*
To finish my question above: the hardest part of having a broken thyroid is that once it's out and you're going through a Rough Patch, it's a cycle and it's VERY hard to pull yourself out of it. And every day it just feels worse.
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