Monday, February 26, 2007
Bryn is still throwing up with this formula. It's getting a bit OLD, you know? LOL I've already changed him twice today, and now I'll be looking for a third outfit. (roll eyes) Man, we don't have enough clothes for the boy for this! The annoying part is that he Spits Up more than anything… that is, it is only the amount of a tablespoon at most… but man! it sure stinks! The poor boy smells like vomit! (and so do I, I found out this afternoon, ewww! I kept smelling puke and I was trying to find out where it was coming from. It turns out it somehow transferred to my shoulder, so that sweater was soon discarded, and I've had two changes of clothes today too!!!) And he'll do it when we're not watching. He'll just suddenly smell like puke when I pick him up again! (rolleyes) What's up with that???
I had just fed him a bottle maybe 15 minutes earlier and he's happily on my lap trying to type on the keyboard (starting him young, lol) when he burps and hiccups and out pours this amount of regurgitated formula! YUCK!! All over himself and me! I wasn't impressed, I tell you! grr! lol I put him into his car seat and clean him up and myself, then go back to the computer since he's sitting fine. He starts to scream and fuss, so I get up and let him finish the bottle up, when I happen to look over at my computer chair. There is a puke splotch in the middle of it!!!! EWWW! I've been unknowingly sitting in it all this time!!!! gross!!!!
*shaking my head* So this is what reflux mom's go through! I was happier when he was a Silent Refluxer!!! LOL Well, maybe tomorrow's Ped apt will give us some better ideas for this. He's gone to screaming a LOT less…but throwing up MORE. Go figure!
I had just fed him a bottle maybe 15 minutes earlier and he's happily on my lap trying to type on the keyboard (starting him young, lol) when he burps and hiccups and out pours this amount of regurgitated formula! YUCK!! All over himself and me! I wasn't impressed, I tell you! grr! lol I put him into his car seat and clean him up and myself, then go back to the computer since he's sitting fine. He starts to scream and fuss, so I get up and let him finish the bottle up, when I happen to look over at my computer chair. There is a puke splotch in the middle of it!!!! EWWW! I've been unknowingly sitting in it all this time!!!! gross!!!!
*shaking my head* So this is what reflux mom's go through! I was happier when he was a Silent Refluxer!!! LOL Well, maybe tomorrow's Ped apt will give us some better ideas for this. He's gone to screaming a LOT less…but throwing up MORE. Go figure!
Friday, February 23, 2007
I made it to Bryn's appointment sane! YAY! It was on Wednesday. I didn't post about it because I wanted to think about it all, and consider what was going on. It was a very interesting visit and I'll admit I wasn't expecting how it turned out. I did go in there feeling nervous but determined to be Firm in my DEMAND for a PPI! I wrote on the top of my list (I always make them for dr visits) "PPI OR DIE" like I was instructed to do so at MWP by Maggie (LOL) and knew I couldn't go back without one or a referral! LOL
It started out good; I mentioned how I just had the Week From H*LL, how Bryn was screaming and screaming, etc, etc, …. and so he says, "hmm… maybe we need to look into something stronger for him." and he pulls out his little book of meds, and my heart is going up in glee! This may not be as hard as I had imagined! But then… he got off track and the fear began to set in….
He weighed Bryn and he has hardly gained. He was 6kg two weeks ago, and he's only 6.1today, so he's only gained 3 oz. He wasn't too impressed.
I mentioned how I'd seen a breastfeeding consultant last week and she said that everything looked good. He didn't appear to have a hind/fore milk imbalance. She weighed Bryn before and after I breastfed, and he gained 1 1/2 oz within the hour. The Ped wasn't impressed with that either! I brought up that Bryn only wets 2 diapers a day, and even then they aren't soaked. Still unimpressed. But now the Ped is starting to get concerned. He was actually really upset that this breastfeeding consultant at Public Health would say that this was Ok and Normal.
The ped's thoughts are that Bryn is very dehydrated and not getting enough. His plan of action was to get me pumping food into this kid to increase his calories. Maybe I'm not producing enough milk and so I am to "top up" after a feed with formula. Then I'm also to give him solids. And he thinks that will solve the whole issue. Which makes sense, because for a while now I've wondered if I had been producing enough, right? So maybe this is it.
I was concerned about the screaming though still. He thinks that's due to him being so hungry. But I was still worried that what if it Wasn't due to that? I was determined to get a script and I was starting to feel that I wasn't leaving with one. Until he said those magical words…. "would you like me to write you up a perscription?"
He gave me one for Motilium, which is also known as Domperidon (yes, like the wine,.. but not! LOL) It tightens the LES muscle and causes the tummy to empty rapidly (NOT the intestines so he'll still get nutrients) to prevent reflux. If the tummy is empty, he can't reflux. Or that's the idea. I filled the perscription, but haven't picked it up yet, so I don't know if it will change much or not.
Oh, he also threw up on the doctor!!!!! LMBO! I told him, "well, he doesn't do that for ME!" The ped admits it was his fault…waking him up to poke & weigh him, then holding him like a football… Poor boy smelled like puke! … he also went in like that though. I purposely left him in an outfit he puked in earlier!!!! I wanted the dr the see that things were NOT normal! (he probably didn't notice though…doctors are immune to things like that, aren't they? LOL)
I see the ped again on Tuesday to see if he's gaining. If he isn't, then he wants to do some tests on him. He admits that he is perplexed and that Bryn looks and seems healthy, so he doesn't anticipate that he's got something wrong or a disease. He also thinks that Bryn should be 7kg (I'm not too sure how many pounds that would be, but maybe around 17-20) but he is off the growth chart. I reminded him that Bryn HAS tripled his birth weight (he's 13lbs) which is what is expected by 6ms… Hmm…
The good news is that since following up with a bottle of formula after breastfeeding, Bryn has changed! He's happy more and easier to deal with. There hasn't been any screaming either! Wow! He's still puking and smells like vomit a lot though, yuck! And the bottles make him gassy. But he's doing well. He's soaking diapers, yay, but isn't up to the 6 a day the ped wants, but I'm sure that'll come soon. He's also awake a lot more too, which is different. Before, he would bf, then fuss and scream for an hour, then fall asleep from anywhere between 15 minutes til 1 hour. Now he's awake in the morning and up for 3-5 hours, playing and squealing and "talking". I'm running out of ways to entertain him! LOL But it's nice b/c I was starting to think that he shouldn't be sleeping as much as he did before!
So after two days, I really do think that Bryn was dehydrated. I am so blessed and relieved it was caught early enough. I mean, Bryn doesn't look sick or poorly or anything, so it wasn't an obvious thing. But it occurred to me the night after the apt that people DIE from dehydration!!! That's a scary thought!
I also think he has reflux!!! But I'm also lucky that he is a Happy Spitter! Maybe the ranididine will work after all! Maybe the motilium will help. Won't that be nice? That way I don't have to ruin the doctor's "I've never had to give anything stronger than Zantac for children" track record!!!! LOL
It started out good; I mentioned how I just had the Week From H*LL, how Bryn was screaming and screaming, etc, etc, …. and so he says, "hmm… maybe we need to look into something stronger for him." and he pulls out his little book of meds, and my heart is going up in glee! This may not be as hard as I had imagined! But then… he got off track and the fear began to set in….
He weighed Bryn and he has hardly gained. He was 6kg two weeks ago, and he's only 6.1today, so he's only gained 3 oz. He wasn't too impressed.
I mentioned how I'd seen a breastfeeding consultant last week and she said that everything looked good. He didn't appear to have a hind/fore milk imbalance. She weighed Bryn before and after I breastfed, and he gained 1 1/2 oz within the hour. The Ped wasn't impressed with that either! I brought up that Bryn only wets 2 diapers a day, and even then they aren't soaked. Still unimpressed. But now the Ped is starting to get concerned. He was actually really upset that this breastfeeding consultant at Public Health would say that this was Ok and Normal.
The ped's thoughts are that Bryn is very dehydrated and not getting enough. His plan of action was to get me pumping food into this kid to increase his calories. Maybe I'm not producing enough milk and so I am to "top up" after a feed with formula. Then I'm also to give him solids. And he thinks that will solve the whole issue. Which makes sense, because for a while now I've wondered if I had been producing enough, right? So maybe this is it.
I was concerned about the screaming though still. He thinks that's due to him being so hungry. But I was still worried that what if it Wasn't due to that? I was determined to get a script and I was starting to feel that I wasn't leaving with one. Until he said those magical words…. "would you like me to write you up a perscription?"
He gave me one for Motilium, which is also known as Domperidon (yes, like the wine,.. but not! LOL) It tightens the LES muscle and causes the tummy to empty rapidly (NOT the intestines so he'll still get nutrients) to prevent reflux. If the tummy is empty, he can't reflux. Or that's the idea. I filled the perscription, but haven't picked it up yet, so I don't know if it will change much or not.
Oh, he also threw up on the doctor!!!!! LMBO! I told him, "well, he doesn't do that for ME!" The ped admits it was his fault…waking him up to poke & weigh him, then holding him like a football… Poor boy smelled like puke! … he also went in like that though. I purposely left him in an outfit he puked in earlier!!!! I wanted the dr the see that things were NOT normal! (he probably didn't notice though…doctors are immune to things like that, aren't they? LOL)
I see the ped again on Tuesday to see if he's gaining. If he isn't, then he wants to do some tests on him. He admits that he is perplexed and that Bryn looks and seems healthy, so he doesn't anticipate that he's got something wrong or a disease. He also thinks that Bryn should be 7kg (I'm not too sure how many pounds that would be, but maybe around 17-20) but he is off the growth chart. I reminded him that Bryn HAS tripled his birth weight (he's 13lbs) which is what is expected by 6ms… Hmm…
The good news is that since following up with a bottle of formula after breastfeeding, Bryn has changed! He's happy more and easier to deal with. There hasn't been any screaming either! Wow! He's still puking and smells like vomit a lot though, yuck! And the bottles make him gassy. But he's doing well. He's soaking diapers, yay, but isn't up to the 6 a day the ped wants, but I'm sure that'll come soon. He's also awake a lot more too, which is different. Before, he would bf, then fuss and scream for an hour, then fall asleep from anywhere between 15 minutes til 1 hour. Now he's awake in the morning and up for 3-5 hours, playing and squealing and "talking". I'm running out of ways to entertain him! LOL But it's nice b/c I was starting to think that he shouldn't be sleeping as much as he did before!
So after two days, I really do think that Bryn was dehydrated. I am so blessed and relieved it was caught early enough. I mean, Bryn doesn't look sick or poorly or anything, so it wasn't an obvious thing. But it occurred to me the night after the apt that people DIE from dehydration!!! That's a scary thought!
I also think he has reflux!!! But I'm also lucky that he is a Happy Spitter! Maybe the ranididine will work after all! Maybe the motilium will help. Won't that be nice? That way I don't have to ruin the doctor's "I've never had to give anything stronger than Zantac for children" track record!!!! LOL
Monday, February 19, 2007
I've got to give my husband credit, he IS trying. He's actually been VERY helpful this past weekend…you know, the weekend that went by in a blur? He took care of Abi & Kai, and got laundry done (oh, it's nice wearing new clean undies, teehee) and made dinner… So why is it that I felt like crying and got all angry with him on Sunday morning? He offered to take the kids out so that I could nap with Bryn (if he fell asleep that is). Now THAT is something he wouldn't have done two years ago. So he IS changing, growing up, and becoming such a support to me as a Mother. I find it amazing! So what was my problem?
Oh, right. He made a comment about how sometimes he wonders if it really IS reflux.
Just the night before we were talking in bed and I was lamenting how I am always second guessing myself and I should stop. It is obvious it is reflux. It SCREAMS reflux. Bryn HAS reflux! I think so, I have friends who think so, the doctor thinks so, the pediatrician thinks so. So why am I always questioning myself???? ARRGH!!!!
And then the next morning, Jonathan says that, and I didn't know what to say. Then he wants to know if I'm upset with him!!!! (rolleyes) In tears I tell him that I just want his support with this. I can't do this on my own. I can't deal with Bryn's screaming and getting him on a proper medication on my own. And his comment made me feel like I have to convice my own husband! And after my conversation the night before!!!!
It turns out that he didn't mean it the way he said it. He said he knows it's reflux, he believes me, but he doesn't know if it's always his reflux that is making him scream or something else. Does that make sense or was he making it up to get himself out of trouble? lol He took offense to my comment about Support though. He IS supportive and he is showing his support in helping out in other ways, such as taking the kids out and letting me sleep. And doing laundry and for making dinner. Thoughtful ways. Ways that DO say support. But here I am still feeling like cr*p b/c I want him to "support" me in words. I want him to do all that… plus tell me that I'm right, that what I'm doing is good, that he trusts me and that he's amazed at how well I am handling this, that he knows I WILL be strong come Wednesday. I just want him to say that. Is that unreasonable? I felt pretty cr*ppy for insinuating that he wasn't being supportive. :( I just wanted some encouragement from my husband, that's all. He says we have different definitions of Support. I said that it was good we were going for a marriage conference soon!
I really Do love my hunny and am loving how much more helpful he's become, don't get me wrong. But like he said, we obviously had different views on how to support. *sigh*
I'm so nervous about this Wednesday. I can't handle Bryn's constant screaming. I am so worried about the damage the acid is doing. I can't do with the screaming and lack of sleep anymore. I NEED to get him onto proper medication. I know that. I feel it more and more strongly the more screaming hours he has. But… what if he doesn't scream in the office of the pediatrician? What if he doesn't understand just how tough it is? What if I crumble? I am sooo scared that I'll fail and I'll have to go home empty handed and in tears and have to explain to everyone how I didn't get anything for him. I'll feel sooo terrible and ashamed. Oh, I pray that God gives me the strength and the peace and the boldness I need. For Bryn. and for my sanity.
Oh, I have a funny story to mention…. this afternoon when I picked up Lynn (MIL) from work (she lets me borrow her beautiful JEEP Laredo on days I need to drive Abi to school or have drs apts, we are so blessed! let's not get into the guilt I let myself feel over this… rolleys) As usual, Bryn is screaming away in his car seat, the poor sad little boy. Lynn looks all concerned and she starts talking about how Bryn is obviously in pain, and how you can tell and how the doctors need to do something for him and how her heart breaks and how I need to be strong and be his advocate! I was a *bit* taken aback. This is the woman who just last week was wondering what the h*ll was wrong with my boy, suggesting how he's hungry or teething or just "not feeling well"…despite me telling her over and over again that he has reflux!!!! I was surprised that she suddenly had a change of heart…..
…until I mentioned it to Jonathan. He smiled and told me that when he went out with the kids and his Mom yesterday, he was telling her how we haven't slept b/c of Bryn's screaming and how it's from his reflux that is causing it. OH! Suddenly she "understands"!!! She just needed someone from HER family to explain it in English!!! (rolleyes) LOL! Oh well. At least she sort of knows! LOL
It made me laugh. It's good to laugh. :)
Oh, right. He made a comment about how sometimes he wonders if it really IS reflux.
Just the night before we were talking in bed and I was lamenting how I am always second guessing myself and I should stop. It is obvious it is reflux. It SCREAMS reflux. Bryn HAS reflux! I think so, I have friends who think so, the doctor thinks so, the pediatrician thinks so. So why am I always questioning myself???? ARRGH!!!!
And then the next morning, Jonathan says that, and I didn't know what to say. Then he wants to know if I'm upset with him!!!! (rolleyes) In tears I tell him that I just want his support with this. I can't do this on my own. I can't deal with Bryn's screaming and getting him on a proper medication on my own. And his comment made me feel like I have to convice my own husband! And after my conversation the night before!!!!
It turns out that he didn't mean it the way he said it. He said he knows it's reflux, he believes me, but he doesn't know if it's always his reflux that is making him scream or something else. Does that make sense or was he making it up to get himself out of trouble? lol He took offense to my comment about Support though. He IS supportive and he is showing his support in helping out in other ways, such as taking the kids out and letting me sleep. And doing laundry and for making dinner. Thoughtful ways. Ways that DO say support. But here I am still feeling like cr*p b/c I want him to "support" me in words. I want him to do all that… plus tell me that I'm right, that what I'm doing is good, that he trusts me and that he's amazed at how well I am handling this, that he knows I WILL be strong come Wednesday. I just want him to say that. Is that unreasonable? I felt pretty cr*ppy for insinuating that he wasn't being supportive. :( I just wanted some encouragement from my husband, that's all. He says we have different definitions of Support. I said that it was good we were going for a marriage conference soon!
I really Do love my hunny and am loving how much more helpful he's become, don't get me wrong. But like he said, we obviously had different views on how to support. *sigh*
I'm so nervous about this Wednesday. I can't handle Bryn's constant screaming. I am so worried about the damage the acid is doing. I can't do with the screaming and lack of sleep anymore. I NEED to get him onto proper medication. I know that. I feel it more and more strongly the more screaming hours he has. But… what if he doesn't scream in the office of the pediatrician? What if he doesn't understand just how tough it is? What if I crumble? I am sooo scared that I'll fail and I'll have to go home empty handed and in tears and have to explain to everyone how I didn't get anything for him. I'll feel sooo terrible and ashamed. Oh, I pray that God gives me the strength and the peace and the boldness I need. For Bryn. and for my sanity.
Oh, I have a funny story to mention…. this afternoon when I picked up Lynn (MIL) from work (she lets me borrow her beautiful JEEP Laredo on days I need to drive Abi to school or have drs apts, we are so blessed! let's not get into the guilt I let myself feel over this… rolleys) As usual, Bryn is screaming away in his car seat, the poor sad little boy. Lynn looks all concerned and she starts talking about how Bryn is obviously in pain, and how you can tell and how the doctors need to do something for him and how her heart breaks and how I need to be strong and be his advocate! I was a *bit* taken aback. This is the woman who just last week was wondering what the h*ll was wrong with my boy, suggesting how he's hungry or teething or just "not feeling well"…despite me telling her over and over again that he has reflux!!!! I was surprised that she suddenly had a change of heart…..
…until I mentioned it to Jonathan. He smiled and told me that when he went out with the kids and his Mom yesterday, he was telling her how we haven't slept b/c of Bryn's screaming and how it's from his reflux that is causing it. OH! Suddenly she "understands"!!! She just needed someone from HER family to explain it in English!!! (rolleyes) LOL! Oh well. At least she sort of knows! LOL
It made me laugh. It's good to laugh. :)
Friday, February 16, 2007
TGIF! Right? That's what they say? I tell you, I am sooo happy that this week is "over"…okay, technically there's still Saturday, but you know what I mean. This week has been increasingly tough for me. To be honest, I don't know how I survived!!!
Since Bryn has lost his voice and this is day 4 and he's more than miserable and is choking and I was told that it could be caused by his reflux or related to it, I decided to take him to see a doctor. I didn't go with the clinic up the street (I think I'm done with that one and the crazy misdiagnosing doctors!!!) but wanted him to see our regular GP. Except Dr. Cathie wasn't available this morning and wasn't in that afternoon. However, we were told that there is the clinic to go to that evening. I opted for that.
I took Bryn to the clinic at our GP's office as soon as Jonathan came home and could watch the older two. I had just fed Bryn and he was playing fine in his exersaucer but he was quite upset about us going. In fact, on the whole 20ms drive there, he SCREAMED. In his pitiful voice. I was near tears. He fussed in my lap at the clinic, but guess what? Was just fine when the doctor saw us!!! No tears, no screams, didn't even prove he has no voice!!!
I ended up being seen by Dr. Fell, a dr who treated me 2 years ago, and was surprised she recognized me! (by face, not name–she is the dr listed on Abi's birth certificate for being the delivery dr, but the truth is, she didn't make it in time! LOL) She actually seemed to know a *bit* about reflux too and was really sympathetic, which helped. But I was sticking to my guns and mentioned how he screams, arches, throws up, etc. I told her how he was on Zantac, but it wasn't doing anything. She was stumped! She said it's Not Common for infants to go onto Zantac unless it's a really bad case!!! I TOLD her I wanted him put on a PPI. (yay go me!) But she said, "Ooooh, I don't know…. ahhh… that's not something we do for babies."
***stunned silence***
She suggested that I increase his Zantac to three times a day: morning dose, dinnertime and bedtime. I pointedly asked her, "how will that help his pain in the day?" She didn't know but said it may help with his fussiness in the night, again I asked what I was supposed to do for the daytime. She just didn't have an answer for me. She felt bad for me but said she didn't know much about meds or reflux enough to be able to give me something. I was so ready to cry right there! I don't blame her, but I was so upset!!! She said a few times that she wished she could offer me something or help me out, but said that I looked like I was "coping well." despite having a very troubled baby. I was thinking, "wow, lady, you have NO idea…!"
As for his lack of voice and CONSTANT choking and coughing up cr*p….I told her I was worried he had aspirated, so she listened to his chest (even though we could audiably hear crackling in his chest.) He's not wheezy, which is good, but he's got congestion. She said it sounded in the upper chest, but she was concerned that it may be lower and deeper. She couldn't be too sure, so she gave us a preventative script for amoxicilan. So that's something.
I'm not angry at the doctor; I like her a lot, she really DID feel badly for us. BUT she couldn't (or wouldn't) give us anything. But, to be honest, if i were in her situation I would've done the same. I mean, I'm seeing my own ped on Wednesday… *sigh* SOOOO…come Wednesday, I'm going to have to grow a backbone (LOL) and tell him that if he's not willing to give us a better medication then I need a referral to see a GI.
So that's that. I went to the truck and cried a bit. Bryn screamed almost the whole ride home again. When he fell asleep, I actually felt back for him all paranoid he'd stopped breathing!!! And since we got home, he's been screaming all evening. He's finally going to sleep again in my arms. (heaven forbid I put him down. ) Things pretty much sucked, but to be honest, I'm doing a LOT better than I was when I left the drs!!! I guess I keep plugging along until Wed.
The dr did say that if he gets worse, has trouble breathing, ect, to go to the ER. I wonder if THEY'D give him something??? lol
This has been on H*LL of a week. I am PMS'y, am so frustrated and at the end of my rope with Bryn's screaming, suffering from lack of sleep, am emotional… just not good. I'm not too sure what to do. Jonathan made me cry the other night too when he suggested I start taking my anti-depressants. I filled the script for them months ago at his request but didn't take them because I was doing so well. I didn't feel that I needed them. Sure I had a few tough days, but generally I feel OKAY. But now I'm not too sure. Am I *just* emotional and PMS'y, or am I suffering from depression again??? *sigh* I don't know if I should wait it out a bit longer, wait for my AF to end first, or start on the meds.
Bryn is screaming again. I thought he'd sleep better in his car seat instead of my arms. Silly me! LOL.
Since Bryn has lost his voice and this is day 4 and he's more than miserable and is choking and I was told that it could be caused by his reflux or related to it, I decided to take him to see a doctor. I didn't go with the clinic up the street (I think I'm done with that one and the crazy misdiagnosing doctors!!!) but wanted him to see our regular GP. Except Dr. Cathie wasn't available this morning and wasn't in that afternoon. However, we were told that there is the clinic to go to that evening. I opted for that.
I took Bryn to the clinic at our GP's office as soon as Jonathan came home and could watch the older two. I had just fed Bryn and he was playing fine in his exersaucer but he was quite upset about us going. In fact, on the whole 20ms drive there, he SCREAMED. In his pitiful voice. I was near tears. He fussed in my lap at the clinic, but guess what? Was just fine when the doctor saw us!!! No tears, no screams, didn't even prove he has no voice!!!
I ended up being seen by Dr. Fell, a dr who treated me 2 years ago, and was surprised she recognized me! (by face, not name–she is the dr listed on Abi's birth certificate for being the delivery dr, but the truth is, she didn't make it in time! LOL) She actually seemed to know a *bit* about reflux too and was really sympathetic, which helped. But I was sticking to my guns and mentioned how he screams, arches, throws up, etc. I told her how he was on Zantac, but it wasn't doing anything. She was stumped! She said it's Not Common for infants to go onto Zantac unless it's a really bad case!!! I TOLD her I wanted him put on a PPI. (yay go me!) But she said, "Ooooh, I don't know…. ahhh… that's not something we do for babies."
***stunned silence***
She suggested that I increase his Zantac to three times a day: morning dose, dinnertime and bedtime. I pointedly asked her, "how will that help his pain in the day?" She didn't know but said it may help with his fussiness in the night, again I asked what I was supposed to do for the daytime. She just didn't have an answer for me. She felt bad for me but said she didn't know much about meds or reflux enough to be able to give me something. I was so ready to cry right there! I don't blame her, but I was so upset!!! She said a few times that she wished she could offer me something or help me out, but said that I looked like I was "coping well." despite having a very troubled baby. I was thinking, "wow, lady, you have NO idea…!"
As for his lack of voice and CONSTANT choking and coughing up cr*p….I told her I was worried he had aspirated, so she listened to his chest (even though we could audiably hear crackling in his chest.) He's not wheezy, which is good, but he's got congestion. She said it sounded in the upper chest, but she was concerned that it may be lower and deeper. She couldn't be too sure, so she gave us a preventative script for amoxicilan. So that's something.
I'm not angry at the doctor; I like her a lot, she really DID feel badly for us. BUT she couldn't (or wouldn't) give us anything. But, to be honest, if i were in her situation I would've done the same. I mean, I'm seeing my own ped on Wednesday… *sigh* SOOOO…come Wednesday, I'm going to have to grow a backbone (LOL) and tell him that if he's not willing to give us a better medication then I need a referral to see a GI.
So that's that. I went to the truck and cried a bit. Bryn screamed almost the whole ride home again. When he fell asleep, I actually felt back for him all paranoid he'd stopped breathing!!! And since we got home, he's been screaming all evening. He's finally going to sleep again in my arms. (heaven forbid I put him down. ) Things pretty much sucked, but to be honest, I'm doing a LOT better than I was when I left the drs!!! I guess I keep plugging along until Wed.
The dr did say that if he gets worse, has trouble breathing, ect, to go to the ER. I wonder if THEY'D give him something??? lol
This has been on H*LL of a week. I am PMS'y, am so frustrated and at the end of my rope with Bryn's screaming, suffering from lack of sleep, am emotional… just not good. I'm not too sure what to do. Jonathan made me cry the other night too when he suggested I start taking my anti-depressants. I filled the script for them months ago at his request but didn't take them because I was doing so well. I didn't feel that I needed them. Sure I had a few tough days, but generally I feel OKAY. But now I'm not too sure. Am I *just* emotional and PMS'y, or am I suffering from depression again??? *sigh* I don't know if I should wait it out a bit longer, wait for my AF to end first, or start on the meds.
Bryn is screaming again. I thought he'd sleep better in his car seat instead of my arms. Silly me! LOL.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Kai started his first day of "Songs & Rhythm" class this morning. He was very excited about it and kept saying "me bffffpt koo" (translation is basically that he was going to music school!!! LOL) He was happy about going all the way up til we got in the parking lot! I guess he was thinking it was at his preschool b/c he didn't want to go to this school! (which is where his speech therapist is) We got to the class just as it was about to begin, but instead of singing or playing along, Kai sat in my lap shyly, hiding his face! (rolleyes) Silly boy! I didn't know half of the songs they sang either, so that didn't completely help!
Our ST, who also leads this group (there were 6 other children ranging in age from about 2-4), didn't give me any information on this class, just mentioned that it started today. I had to look up the start time for it (9:30)! So when we broke for a snack, it was a good thing we stopped at Tim Horton's earlier for Timbits! (rolleyes) I also didn't know I was supposed to pay! It was only $5 to cover photocopying and laminating, but still! Linda apologized later for not sending me anything.
The class runs 45ms, and I thought it went good. Kai enjoyed doing the actions in my lap so I think given some time and he'll be ready to join in too! We go every Wed for 9 weeks.
Our ST, who also leads this group (there were 6 other children ranging in age from about 2-4), didn't give me any information on this class, just mentioned that it started today. I had to look up the start time for it (9:30)! So when we broke for a snack, it was a good thing we stopped at Tim Horton's earlier for Timbits! (rolleyes) I also didn't know I was supposed to pay! It was only $5 to cover photocopying and laminating, but still! Linda apologized later for not sending me anything.
The class runs 45ms, and I thought it went good. Kai enjoyed doing the actions in my lap so I think given some time and he'll be ready to join in too! We go every Wed for 9 weeks.
Monday, February 12, 2007
There is this song that I'm listening to right now, Rain Awhile, by Stabilo (click to go their website, stabilomusic, go to albums, click on the song title, listen!) and the bridge gets me each time.
"So believe in yourself
Don't wait for ground to break
Don't wait for ground
It's ok to feel alone
It's ok to feel not strong
once in a while
cuz I keep telling myself
what to feel
I play make believe until it's real
most of the time
because time was never too friendly to me
somehow change just avoided to great me
completely
and so when reality's taken its toll, just
pretend that you're
not in control
complacency.
it's ok to feel alone
it's ok to feel not strong
once in a while."
Not too sure why. Probably b/c it says it's OK to not feel strong. And that's how I feel tonight. Not strong. Like I don't know what to do. Angry. Frustrated. Grumpy. Sympathetic. Tired. Emotional.
I"m angry at Bryn's pediatrician who says he doesn't want to put him on any more medication right now. I'm p**sed off at dh for falling asleep on the couch watching tv while I've been dealing with a pained baby. I'm frustrated at Bryn for constantly crying when I put him down, and waking up within seconds. I'm emotional b/c I"ve given all I can to Bryn and nothing changes. I can't even drug up this child! *sigh*
He was asleep nice and soundly in my arms (finally) so I put him into his car seat so I could accomplish something this evening. Within a few moments, he's screaming, and I feel like smacking my head on the wall! He just looks at me with these large eyes, there's no mistaking his pain. I try teething tablets and tylenol b/c I figure it must be teething pain with his fists jammed in his mouth. I try gripe water and oval drops b/c he's passing a lot of gas. I even go as far as giving him Maalox b/c he's screeching and arching. Nothing. No response. Just screaming. So I give him a bottle of water with some brown sugar. That's supposed to help with constipation, which I know he has.
I feel like I'm venting about the same things each time, but each time it happens I honestly don't know what to do. Yet, there are many days he's fine. I mean, this hasn't happened since last time I posted! *wink* Bryn does have many good days, really! But he has many tough days, and it's those days that the doctors don't seem concerned with.
I"m feeding him solids more like the pediatrician suggests, but I don't see a change in him at all. But at least he's not worse! I was worried about that! He enjoys peaches and I'm still on the rice cereal. Not too sure which food to introduce next week…. you're supposed to wait a week before trying new foods, right? To see if they have a reaction, right? I don't remember ever doing that with the other two. *blush* teehee. I'm being more cautious with Bryn, likely b/c of him being a preemie and a refluxer.
Well, after typing one handed up until the paragraph above, I put a sleeping Bryn down. And he's awake and crying again. (rolleyes) What's going on? He usually has no problems, grr! Well, I can't complain too much. At least he's sleeping in my arms. I just wish I knew how to KEEP him asleep and out of pain. It's tough.
****note to self: make f/u apt with ped tomorrow. **** CR*P! I forgot to do that!!!!! (the receptionist was on her lunch break when our apt was done, so I didn't get a chance to book something then) I hope I can get in soon. At our apt last week (the 6th), the ped said that Bryn hadn't gained any weight, but I was realizing that he's not correct. According to what I have written down for his apt at the GP in Jan (5.87kg) and to the number he gave me that day (6kg) shows an increase. We never did have him weighed at his office on the 16th. So when he says he "hasn't gained any weight" I'm not too sure how much he expects in 3 weeks for a 5 1/2 month old. I must admit though that I'm worried that we'll get that nasty FTT tag on Bryn like we had/have on Kai. (do you ever get rid of the term?)
My poor boy. What a night! I'd better rescue him! He just wants me to hold him, the little bug! (rolleyes) He's crying so much he's starting to cough up cr*p. That's New!!!! I don't like that! Gotta go!
"So believe in yourself
Don't wait for ground to break
Don't wait for ground
It's ok to feel alone
It's ok to feel not strong
once in a while
cuz I keep telling myself
what to feel
I play make believe until it's real
most of the time
because time was never too friendly to me
somehow change just avoided to great me
completely
and so when reality's taken its toll, just
pretend that you're
not in control
complacency.
it's ok to feel alone
it's ok to feel not strong
once in a while."
Not too sure why. Probably b/c it says it's OK to not feel strong. And that's how I feel tonight. Not strong. Like I don't know what to do. Angry. Frustrated. Grumpy. Sympathetic. Tired. Emotional.
I"m angry at Bryn's pediatrician who says he doesn't want to put him on any more medication right now. I'm p**sed off at dh for falling asleep on the couch watching tv while I've been dealing with a pained baby. I'm frustrated at Bryn for constantly crying when I put him down, and waking up within seconds. I'm emotional b/c I"ve given all I can to Bryn and nothing changes. I can't even drug up this child! *sigh*
He was asleep nice and soundly in my arms (finally) so I put him into his car seat so I could accomplish something this evening. Within a few moments, he's screaming, and I feel like smacking my head on the wall! He just looks at me with these large eyes, there's no mistaking his pain. I try teething tablets and tylenol b/c I figure it must be teething pain with his fists jammed in his mouth. I try gripe water and oval drops b/c he's passing a lot of gas. I even go as far as giving him Maalox b/c he's screeching and arching. Nothing. No response. Just screaming. So I give him a bottle of water with some brown sugar. That's supposed to help with constipation, which I know he has.
I feel like I'm venting about the same things each time, but each time it happens I honestly don't know what to do. Yet, there are many days he's fine. I mean, this hasn't happened since last time I posted! *wink* Bryn does have many good days, really! But he has many tough days, and it's those days that the doctors don't seem concerned with.
I"m feeding him solids more like the pediatrician suggests, but I don't see a change in him at all. But at least he's not worse! I was worried about that! He enjoys peaches and I'm still on the rice cereal. Not too sure which food to introduce next week…. you're supposed to wait a week before trying new foods, right? To see if they have a reaction, right? I don't remember ever doing that with the other two. *blush* teehee. I'm being more cautious with Bryn, likely b/c of him being a preemie and a refluxer.
Well, after typing one handed up until the paragraph above, I put a sleeping Bryn down. And he's awake and crying again. (rolleyes) What's going on? He usually has no problems, grr! Well, I can't complain too much. At least he's sleeping in my arms. I just wish I knew how to KEEP him asleep and out of pain. It's tough.
****note to self: make f/u apt with ped tomorrow. **** CR*P! I forgot to do that!!!!! (the receptionist was on her lunch break when our apt was done, so I didn't get a chance to book something then) I hope I can get in soon. At our apt last week (the 6th), the ped said that Bryn hadn't gained any weight, but I was realizing that he's not correct. According to what I have written down for his apt at the GP in Jan (5.87kg) and to the number he gave me that day (6kg) shows an increase. We never did have him weighed at his office on the 16th. So when he says he "hasn't gained any weight" I'm not too sure how much he expects in 3 weeks for a 5 1/2 month old. I must admit though that I'm worried that we'll get that nasty FTT tag on Bryn like we had/have on Kai. (do you ever get rid of the term?)
My poor boy. What a night! I'd better rescue him! He just wants me to hold him, the little bug! (rolleyes) He's crying so much he's starting to cough up cr*p. That's New!!!! I don't like that! Gotta go!
Friday, February 9, 2007
Bryn had an easy day today, although a bit strange… he slept most of the day away!!! I was a bit surprised! He must've slept a good 2 hours in the morning, and then maybe 3hrs in the afternoon!!! So NOT Bryn! Well, not since Novemeber at least, when he'd sleep 5hrs! (rolleyes) When Jonathan came home from work, he commented about how Bryn would likely be up all night b/c he slept so well in the day. Oh darn! I didn't think of that! Oops!
And now, here it is almost 10pm and he's been awake for 3 hours, and he's screaming!!! Oh, he's had his usual 10 minute catnaps twice, but that's it! Should I be concerned that he slept today or that he's not again? LOL I'm not too sure if it's a growth spurt thing or not. I also don't know if his screaming is b/c he's bored, wants attention, is refluxing, or is in teething pain. Oh, why am I so undecided??? *grr* You think I'd be able to tell after three children! (rolleyes) So I've given him some Hyland's teething tablets and then later some Tylenol, after all the fist sucking and frustration, and now he's sitting in my lap, looking back and forth, back and forth. At least he's not screaming in his swing anymore. Man, I love swings, you'd never catch me screaming in one!!! :P
Oh, I hope he's not up all night!
He actually slept fine last night, though. I got more than an hour of sleep straight, weeee! *wink* Of course, he woke up a few times to bf in the night, but I usually don't look at the clock unless I have to get up and soothe him, which didn't happen until 6am. Funny, I was BAGGED today despite the extra sleep. Isn't it so cruel how when you get sleep, your body reacts badly and yells, "yes, this is what we're looking for….but we still need 12 more hours straight!!!"
Tomorrow the kids and I are going to visit my parents who live in Chilliwack, which is an hour away from where we live in Cloverdale. We're so excited! We haven't been out there since Christmas. Oh I hate not having my own vehicle. *pout* I love my parents. The kids adore them. I get to have naps or baths there! *giggle*
I've been trying to get some cute pictures of Bryn now that he's 6 months old, but he doesn't want to participate! I'll put some up as soon as I can though! Have a great weekend, all!
And now, here it is almost 10pm and he's been awake for 3 hours, and he's screaming!!! Oh, he's had his usual 10 minute catnaps twice, but that's it! Should I be concerned that he slept today or that he's not again? LOL I'm not too sure if it's a growth spurt thing or not. I also don't know if his screaming is b/c he's bored, wants attention, is refluxing, or is in teething pain. Oh, why am I so undecided??? *grr* You think I'd be able to tell after three children! (rolleyes) So I've given him some Hyland's teething tablets and then later some Tylenol, after all the fist sucking and frustration, and now he's sitting in my lap, looking back and forth, back and forth. At least he's not screaming in his swing anymore. Man, I love swings, you'd never catch me screaming in one!!! :P
Oh, I hope he's not up all night!
He actually slept fine last night, though. I got more than an hour of sleep straight, weeee! *wink* Of course, he woke up a few times to bf in the night, but I usually don't look at the clock unless I have to get up and soothe him, which didn't happen until 6am. Funny, I was BAGGED today despite the extra sleep. Isn't it so cruel how when you get sleep, your body reacts badly and yells, "yes, this is what we're looking for….but we still need 12 more hours straight!!!"
Tomorrow the kids and I are going to visit my parents who live in Chilliwack, which is an hour away from where we live in Cloverdale. We're so excited! We haven't been out there since Christmas. Oh I hate not having my own vehicle. *pout* I love my parents. The kids adore them. I get to have naps or baths there! *giggle*
I've been trying to get some cute pictures of Bryn now that he's 6 months old, but he doesn't want to participate! I'll put some up as soon as I can though! Have a great weekend, all!
Thursday, February 8, 2007
This morning, I was the parent helper in Kai's preschool class. He goes every Tuesday & Thursday from 9:15am until 11:15am. Abi went last year to this same school and the same teacher, but Kai's is for 3 & 4 year olds. (well, there are two 5 year olds, but they are ESL students, so this is a pre-K for them) Funny, I felt more excited and happy about Abi going last year than I do about Kai going. I'm not too sure if that's because she was the firstborn, so it's all new, whereas with Kai I've BTDT. Or is it something else? I admit, I do have my worries with Kai. I wonder if this is a good idea, if him going to preschool is really benefiting him (despite everyone saying it is), and if he's really well behaved and ready for a school-type setting. I guess that doesn't help!
I was talking with Teacher Michelle about about Kai and how he's doing. (I love this lady! She's so kind and sweet and has taught me some good things on being patient and how to speak so children will listen! Who knew I'd learn something at preschool? LOL! I'm also blessed that we've become friends too) Upon observation, I was wondering if he's a *bit* pushy or not. He has a tendancy to get upset easily and push the other kids. :{ I wanted some reassurance that he's doing fine and it's "normal", because Kai IS a wonderful boy. He is nice and kind and can play well. Sure, there are times when I must separate him and his sister (lol) but he's really good at saying he's sorry and giving hugs (lol). I just want to be sure, you know? :{ Michelle was saying that Kai's speech is getting much better, he's really using sounds that are close to a proper word (yay) but his problems lie in his frustration… the kids don't understand him, he can't communicate well, it's natural for the kids to get physical when they don't get their way! In other words, yes, Kai has some issues, however, they are normal…or normal enough, considering the poor boy doesn't speak! That made me feel a *bit* better, but it's so sad.
I watch Kai and I see this beautiful boy. So vibrant. Full of energy. Such a BOY!!! He can run around and has a wonderful imagination and a capturing smile. He likes to push himself and the boundaries and so I often have to scold him or repeat things, but when he listens, and he rushes over to slam me with a hug (and that's how he does it…runs full speed right into me like a train!), he melts my heart. I want to hold him all the time. I look at him and I wish I could do something for him and his frustration. It must be like being in a foreign country where you don't know the language. You can speak yours, and you can understand theirs to some degree, but you can't speak it back. And that's Kai. We're trying to teach him OUR language, while trying to decifer his. It's been three years and we're just starting to make some small breakthroughs, but it is tiring and it hurts my heart for my boy.
In Novemeber, Kai had his 36 Month (3 years) Assessment done by Michele from IDP (infant development program, who has been with him since he was maybe 18ms, I can't recall) It was so hard to sit through the "exam"… I had to bite my lips from explaining and coaxing the proper answer from him! But he did well… or well enough. He responded much to what we expected; he's great with many things, but anytime she asked him a question that had to be answered verbally, he'd jump up and exclaim "oh!" and run out of the room like he just remembered something! (rolleyes) He'd return within a minute, sometimes with some toy to show us, sometimes in hopes we'd forgotten what we asked him! lol
As circumstances were (such as our crazy snow in December!!!) we weren't able to get together again to go over the results until about two weeks ago. Of course, since then, he's gained a ton of words, so some of what she was reporting weren't relevant anymore. But she did say he's at an 18-month old's Speech level. That's disheartening. But not shocking. He babbles a lot…mostly to himself though. If you say something, he just gets angry at you as if you interrupted a private conversation, lol!
*sigh*
I really do forget that he's Three. For one, he doesn't have the speech anywhere near a 3 year old. Secondly, he's so small so he doesn't necessarily look like one either! Teacher Michelle was saying how she forgets he's the same age and has to remind herself that she has to treat him like the other children, such as with discipline. I don't know how she does it. She seems so… okay about it all. In fact, every one does! Meanwhile, my heart is breaking! I want to understand my three year old boy! I want everyone else to as well! I want him to be able to play and make friends! I want him to be less frustrated!
I know, I know, here I am lamenting about things that aren't THAT big of a deal. He is doing well in school, and he's gaining so much in speech, it's true. But I'm so impatient for it to all catch up! I was watching him the other day, and seeing him as a 3 year old and being in awe of his Boyness, and wondering just what it will be like to hear him speak clearly. What a day that will be! The funny thing is that once he starts, he'll take off and this whole thing will be a misty memory! But until then, this whole frustraion, is Kai's and mine. :{
I was talking with Teacher Michelle about about Kai and how he's doing. (I love this lady! She's so kind and sweet and has taught me some good things on being patient and how to speak so children will listen! Who knew I'd learn something at preschool? LOL! I'm also blessed that we've become friends too) Upon observation, I was wondering if he's a *bit* pushy or not. He has a tendancy to get upset easily and push the other kids. :{ I wanted some reassurance that he's doing fine and it's "normal", because Kai IS a wonderful boy. He is nice and kind and can play well. Sure, there are times when I must separate him and his sister (lol) but he's really good at saying he's sorry and giving hugs (lol). I just want to be sure, you know? :{ Michelle was saying that Kai's speech is getting much better, he's really using sounds that are close to a proper word (yay) but his problems lie in his frustration… the kids don't understand him, he can't communicate well, it's natural for the kids to get physical when they don't get their way! In other words, yes, Kai has some issues, however, they are normal…or normal enough, considering the poor boy doesn't speak! That made me feel a *bit* better, but it's so sad.
I watch Kai and I see this beautiful boy. So vibrant. Full of energy. Such a BOY!!! He can run around and has a wonderful imagination and a capturing smile. He likes to push himself and the boundaries and so I often have to scold him or repeat things, but when he listens, and he rushes over to slam me with a hug (and that's how he does it…runs full speed right into me like a train!), he melts my heart. I want to hold him all the time. I look at him and I wish I could do something for him and his frustration. It must be like being in a foreign country where you don't know the language. You can speak yours, and you can understand theirs to some degree, but you can't speak it back. And that's Kai. We're trying to teach him OUR language, while trying to decifer his. It's been three years and we're just starting to make some small breakthroughs, but it is tiring and it hurts my heart for my boy.
In Novemeber, Kai had his 36 Month (3 years) Assessment done by Michele from IDP (infant development program, who has been with him since he was maybe 18ms, I can't recall) It was so hard to sit through the "exam"… I had to bite my lips from explaining and coaxing the proper answer from him! But he did well… or well enough. He responded much to what we expected; he's great with many things, but anytime she asked him a question that had to be answered verbally, he'd jump up and exclaim "oh!" and run out of the room like he just remembered something! (rolleyes) He'd return within a minute, sometimes with some toy to show us, sometimes in hopes we'd forgotten what we asked him! lol
As circumstances were (such as our crazy snow in December!!!) we weren't able to get together again to go over the results until about two weeks ago. Of course, since then, he's gained a ton of words, so some of what she was reporting weren't relevant anymore. But she did say he's at an 18-month old's Speech level. That's disheartening. But not shocking. He babbles a lot…mostly to himself though. If you say something, he just gets angry at you as if you interrupted a private conversation, lol!
*sigh*
I really do forget that he's Three. For one, he doesn't have the speech anywhere near a 3 year old. Secondly, he's so small so he doesn't necessarily look like one either! Teacher Michelle was saying how she forgets he's the same age and has to remind herself that she has to treat him like the other children, such as with discipline. I don't know how she does it. She seems so… okay about it all. In fact, every one does! Meanwhile, my heart is breaking! I want to understand my three year old boy! I want everyone else to as well! I want him to be able to play and make friends! I want him to be less frustrated!
I know, I know, here I am lamenting about things that aren't THAT big of a deal. He is doing well in school, and he's gaining so much in speech, it's true. But I'm so impatient for it to all catch up! I was watching him the other day, and seeing him as a 3 year old and being in awe of his Boyness, and wondering just what it will be like to hear him speak clearly. What a day that will be! The funny thing is that once he starts, he'll take off and this whole thing will be a misty memory! But until then, this whole frustraion, is Kai's and mine. :{
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