Monday, February 12, 2007
There is this song that I'm listening to right now, Rain Awhile, by Stabilo (click to go their website, stabilomusic, go to albums, click on the song title, listen!) and the bridge gets me each time.
"So believe in yourself
Don't wait for ground to break
Don't wait for ground
It's ok to feel alone
It's ok to feel not strong
once in a while
cuz I keep telling myself
what to feel
I play make believe until it's real
most of the time
because time was never too friendly to me
somehow change just avoided to great me
completely
and so when reality's taken its toll, just
pretend that you're
not in control
complacency.
it's ok to feel alone
it's ok to feel not strong
once in a while."
Not too sure why. Probably b/c it says it's OK to not feel strong. And that's how I feel tonight. Not strong. Like I don't know what to do. Angry. Frustrated. Grumpy. Sympathetic. Tired. Emotional.
I"m angry at Bryn's pediatrician who says he doesn't want to put him on any more medication right now. I'm p**sed off at dh for falling asleep on the couch watching tv while I've been dealing with a pained baby. I'm frustrated at Bryn for constantly crying when I put him down, and waking up within seconds. I'm emotional b/c I"ve given all I can to Bryn and nothing changes. I can't even drug up this child! *sigh*
He was asleep nice and soundly in my arms (finally) so I put him into his car seat so I could accomplish something this evening. Within a few moments, he's screaming, and I feel like smacking my head on the wall! He just looks at me with these large eyes, there's no mistaking his pain. I try teething tablets and tylenol b/c I figure it must be teething pain with his fists jammed in his mouth. I try gripe water and oval drops b/c he's passing a lot of gas. I even go as far as giving him Maalox b/c he's screeching and arching. Nothing. No response. Just screaming. So I give him a bottle of water with some brown sugar. That's supposed to help with constipation, which I know he has.
I feel like I'm venting about the same things each time, but each time it happens I honestly don't know what to do. Yet, there are many days he's fine. I mean, this hasn't happened since last time I posted! *wink* Bryn does have many good days, really! But he has many tough days, and it's those days that the doctors don't seem concerned with.
I"m feeding him solids more like the pediatrician suggests, but I don't see a change in him at all. But at least he's not worse! I was worried about that! He enjoys peaches and I'm still on the rice cereal. Not too sure which food to introduce next week…. you're supposed to wait a week before trying new foods, right? To see if they have a reaction, right? I don't remember ever doing that with the other two. *blush* teehee. I'm being more cautious with Bryn, likely b/c of him being a preemie and a refluxer.
Well, after typing one handed up until the paragraph above, I put a sleeping Bryn down. And he's awake and crying again. (rolleyes) What's going on? He usually has no problems, grr! Well, I can't complain too much. At least he's sleeping in my arms. I just wish I knew how to KEEP him asleep and out of pain. It's tough.
****note to self: make f/u apt with ped tomorrow. **** CR*P! I forgot to do that!!!!! (the receptionist was on her lunch break when our apt was done, so I didn't get a chance to book something then) I hope I can get in soon. At our apt last week (the 6th), the ped said that Bryn hadn't gained any weight, but I was realizing that he's not correct. According to what I have written down for his apt at the GP in Jan (5.87kg) and to the number he gave me that day (6kg) shows an increase. We never did have him weighed at his office on the 16th. So when he says he "hasn't gained any weight" I'm not too sure how much he expects in 3 weeks for a 5 1/2 month old. I must admit though that I'm worried that we'll get that nasty FTT tag on Bryn like we had/have on Kai. (do you ever get rid of the term?)
My poor boy. What a night! I'd better rescue him! He just wants me to hold him, the little bug! (rolleyes) He's crying so much he's starting to cough up cr*p. That's New!!!! I don't like that! Gotta go!
"So believe in yourself
Don't wait for ground to break
Don't wait for ground
It's ok to feel alone
It's ok to feel not strong
once in a while
cuz I keep telling myself
what to feel
I play make believe until it's real
most of the time
because time was never too friendly to me
somehow change just avoided to great me
completely
and so when reality's taken its toll, just
pretend that you're
not in control
complacency.
it's ok to feel alone
it's ok to feel not strong
once in a while."
Not too sure why. Probably b/c it says it's OK to not feel strong. And that's how I feel tonight. Not strong. Like I don't know what to do. Angry. Frustrated. Grumpy. Sympathetic. Tired. Emotional.
I"m angry at Bryn's pediatrician who says he doesn't want to put him on any more medication right now. I'm p**sed off at dh for falling asleep on the couch watching tv while I've been dealing with a pained baby. I'm frustrated at Bryn for constantly crying when I put him down, and waking up within seconds. I'm emotional b/c I"ve given all I can to Bryn and nothing changes. I can't even drug up this child! *sigh*
He was asleep nice and soundly in my arms (finally) so I put him into his car seat so I could accomplish something this evening. Within a few moments, he's screaming, and I feel like smacking my head on the wall! He just looks at me with these large eyes, there's no mistaking his pain. I try teething tablets and tylenol b/c I figure it must be teething pain with his fists jammed in his mouth. I try gripe water and oval drops b/c he's passing a lot of gas. I even go as far as giving him Maalox b/c he's screeching and arching. Nothing. No response. Just screaming. So I give him a bottle of water with some brown sugar. That's supposed to help with constipation, which I know he has.
I feel like I'm venting about the same things each time, but each time it happens I honestly don't know what to do. Yet, there are many days he's fine. I mean, this hasn't happened since last time I posted! *wink* Bryn does have many good days, really! But he has many tough days, and it's those days that the doctors don't seem concerned with.
I"m feeding him solids more like the pediatrician suggests, but I don't see a change in him at all. But at least he's not worse! I was worried about that! He enjoys peaches and I'm still on the rice cereal. Not too sure which food to introduce next week…. you're supposed to wait a week before trying new foods, right? To see if they have a reaction, right? I don't remember ever doing that with the other two. *blush* teehee. I'm being more cautious with Bryn, likely b/c of him being a preemie and a refluxer.
Well, after typing one handed up until the paragraph above, I put a sleeping Bryn down. And he's awake and crying again. (rolleyes) What's going on? He usually has no problems, grr! Well, I can't complain too much. At least he's sleeping in my arms. I just wish I knew how to KEEP him asleep and out of pain. It's tough.
****note to self: make f/u apt with ped tomorrow. **** CR*P! I forgot to do that!!!!! (the receptionist was on her lunch break when our apt was done, so I didn't get a chance to book something then) I hope I can get in soon. At our apt last week (the 6th), the ped said that Bryn hadn't gained any weight, but I was realizing that he's not correct. According to what I have written down for his apt at the GP in Jan (5.87kg) and to the number he gave me that day (6kg) shows an increase. We never did have him weighed at his office on the 16th. So when he says he "hasn't gained any weight" I'm not too sure how much he expects in 3 weeks for a 5 1/2 month old. I must admit though that I'm worried that we'll get that nasty FTT tag on Bryn like we had/have on Kai. (do you ever get rid of the term?)
My poor boy. What a night! I'd better rescue him! He just wants me to hold him, the little bug! (rolleyes) He's crying so much he's starting to cough up cr*p. That's New!!!! I don't like that! Gotta go!
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