Monday, February 19, 2007
I've got to give my husband credit, he IS trying. He's actually been VERY helpful this past weekend…you know, the weekend that went by in a blur? He took care of Abi & Kai, and got laundry done (oh, it's nice wearing new clean undies, teehee) and made dinner… So why is it that I felt like crying and got all angry with him on Sunday morning? He offered to take the kids out so that I could nap with Bryn (if he fell asleep that is). Now THAT is something he wouldn't have done two years ago. So he IS changing, growing up, and becoming such a support to me as a Mother. I find it amazing! So what was my problem?
Oh, right. He made a comment about how sometimes he wonders if it really IS reflux.
Just the night before we were talking in bed and I was lamenting how I am always second guessing myself and I should stop. It is obvious it is reflux. It SCREAMS reflux. Bryn HAS reflux! I think so, I have friends who think so, the doctor thinks so, the pediatrician thinks so. So why am I always questioning myself???? ARRGH!!!!
And then the next morning, Jonathan says that, and I didn't know what to say. Then he wants to know if I'm upset with him!!!! (rolleyes) In tears I tell him that I just want his support with this. I can't do this on my own. I can't deal with Bryn's screaming and getting him on a proper medication on my own. And his comment made me feel like I have to convice my own husband! And after my conversation the night before!!!!
It turns out that he didn't mean it the way he said it. He said he knows it's reflux, he believes me, but he doesn't know if it's always his reflux that is making him scream or something else. Does that make sense or was he making it up to get himself out of trouble? lol He took offense to my comment about Support though. He IS supportive and he is showing his support in helping out in other ways, such as taking the kids out and letting me sleep. And doing laundry and for making dinner. Thoughtful ways. Ways that DO say support. But here I am still feeling like cr*p b/c I want him to "support" me in words. I want him to do all that… plus tell me that I'm right, that what I'm doing is good, that he trusts me and that he's amazed at how well I am handling this, that he knows I WILL be strong come Wednesday. I just want him to say that. Is that unreasonable? I felt pretty cr*ppy for insinuating that he wasn't being supportive. :( I just wanted some encouragement from my husband, that's all. He says we have different definitions of Support. I said that it was good we were going for a marriage conference soon!
I really Do love my hunny and am loving how much more helpful he's become, don't get me wrong. But like he said, we obviously had different views on how to support. *sigh*
I'm so nervous about this Wednesday. I can't handle Bryn's constant screaming. I am so worried about the damage the acid is doing. I can't do with the screaming and lack of sleep anymore. I NEED to get him onto proper medication. I know that. I feel it more and more strongly the more screaming hours he has. But… what if he doesn't scream in the office of the pediatrician? What if he doesn't understand just how tough it is? What if I crumble? I am sooo scared that I'll fail and I'll have to go home empty handed and in tears and have to explain to everyone how I didn't get anything for him. I'll feel sooo terrible and ashamed. Oh, I pray that God gives me the strength and the peace and the boldness I need. For Bryn. and for my sanity.
Oh, I have a funny story to mention…. this afternoon when I picked up Lynn (MIL) from work (she lets me borrow her beautiful JEEP Laredo on days I need to drive Abi to school or have drs apts, we are so blessed! let's not get into the guilt I let myself feel over this… rolleys) As usual, Bryn is screaming away in his car seat, the poor sad little boy. Lynn looks all concerned and she starts talking about how Bryn is obviously in pain, and how you can tell and how the doctors need to do something for him and how her heart breaks and how I need to be strong and be his advocate! I was a *bit* taken aback. This is the woman who just last week was wondering what the h*ll was wrong with my boy, suggesting how he's hungry or teething or just "not feeling well"…despite me telling her over and over again that he has reflux!!!! I was surprised that she suddenly had a change of heart…..
…until I mentioned it to Jonathan. He smiled and told me that when he went out with the kids and his Mom yesterday, he was telling her how we haven't slept b/c of Bryn's screaming and how it's from his reflux that is causing it. OH! Suddenly she "understands"!!! She just needed someone from HER family to explain it in English!!! (rolleyes) LOL! Oh well. At least she sort of knows! LOL
It made me laugh. It's good to laugh. :)
Oh, right. He made a comment about how sometimes he wonders if it really IS reflux.
Just the night before we were talking in bed and I was lamenting how I am always second guessing myself and I should stop. It is obvious it is reflux. It SCREAMS reflux. Bryn HAS reflux! I think so, I have friends who think so, the doctor thinks so, the pediatrician thinks so. So why am I always questioning myself???? ARRGH!!!!
And then the next morning, Jonathan says that, and I didn't know what to say. Then he wants to know if I'm upset with him!!!! (rolleyes) In tears I tell him that I just want his support with this. I can't do this on my own. I can't deal with Bryn's screaming and getting him on a proper medication on my own. And his comment made me feel like I have to convice my own husband! And after my conversation the night before!!!!
It turns out that he didn't mean it the way he said it. He said he knows it's reflux, he believes me, but he doesn't know if it's always his reflux that is making him scream or something else. Does that make sense or was he making it up to get himself out of trouble? lol He took offense to my comment about Support though. He IS supportive and he is showing his support in helping out in other ways, such as taking the kids out and letting me sleep. And doing laundry and for making dinner. Thoughtful ways. Ways that DO say support. But here I am still feeling like cr*p b/c I want him to "support" me in words. I want him to do all that… plus tell me that I'm right, that what I'm doing is good, that he trusts me and that he's amazed at how well I am handling this, that he knows I WILL be strong come Wednesday. I just want him to say that. Is that unreasonable? I felt pretty cr*ppy for insinuating that he wasn't being supportive. :( I just wanted some encouragement from my husband, that's all. He says we have different definitions of Support. I said that it was good we were going for a marriage conference soon!
I really Do love my hunny and am loving how much more helpful he's become, don't get me wrong. But like he said, we obviously had different views on how to support. *sigh*
I'm so nervous about this Wednesday. I can't handle Bryn's constant screaming. I am so worried about the damage the acid is doing. I can't do with the screaming and lack of sleep anymore. I NEED to get him onto proper medication. I know that. I feel it more and more strongly the more screaming hours he has. But… what if he doesn't scream in the office of the pediatrician? What if he doesn't understand just how tough it is? What if I crumble? I am sooo scared that I'll fail and I'll have to go home empty handed and in tears and have to explain to everyone how I didn't get anything for him. I'll feel sooo terrible and ashamed. Oh, I pray that God gives me the strength and the peace and the boldness I need. For Bryn. and for my sanity.
Oh, I have a funny story to mention…. this afternoon when I picked up Lynn (MIL) from work (she lets me borrow her beautiful JEEP Laredo on days I need to drive Abi to school or have drs apts, we are so blessed! let's not get into the guilt I let myself feel over this… rolleys) As usual, Bryn is screaming away in his car seat, the poor sad little boy. Lynn looks all concerned and she starts talking about how Bryn is obviously in pain, and how you can tell and how the doctors need to do something for him and how her heart breaks and how I need to be strong and be his advocate! I was a *bit* taken aback. This is the woman who just last week was wondering what the h*ll was wrong with my boy, suggesting how he's hungry or teething or just "not feeling well"…despite me telling her over and over again that he has reflux!!!! I was surprised that she suddenly had a change of heart…..
…until I mentioned it to Jonathan. He smiled and told me that when he went out with the kids and his Mom yesterday, he was telling her how we haven't slept b/c of Bryn's screaming and how it's from his reflux that is causing it. OH! Suddenly she "understands"!!! She just needed someone from HER family to explain it in English!!! (rolleyes) LOL! Oh well. At least she sort of knows! LOL
It made me laugh. It's good to laugh. :)
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