Monday, June 21, 2010

my two lives

I love going to my sister's house. She's fun. Her hunny is fun. We laugh a lot. We eat snacks and chat. It's a fairly quiet and slightly empty home. There are no children there. No toys to step on. No little voices to listen to. ...Not to say that I find my own children encombersome or to imply that I don't like to be around them, it's just nice to get away and have some "adult time". The thing with going out with just adults is that I tend to want to...well..act like an adult. Drink adult drinks. Watch my tv shows. Have some music on after eight pm. When I go out, I can almost sortof pretend that I am single (in a harmless way, stick with me) and don't have children. I can be *young* again. Do Fun things again. Things I did before I wasn't single and had children. I can go out and do stuff like that and I like it. I do this on a weekly basis (if I can) and I come home happier and haven't you heard the statement "when mom's happy, everyone's happy"? It's so true!

Hanging around my childless and single friends reminds me of all the things I used to do before. I get excited to be with them again! I love going over our funny stories and memories, and attempt to do the silly things we used to do! However, I've discovered that having them over to my house is not at all the same. Even if you bring out the adult drinks and turn the music on after eight pm or put on a non-child-friendly movie. You can not pretend you are single or childless then! Not when there are toys all over the house. Not when you only have plastic cups to drink out of. And especially not when your own children are calling for you from down the hall! It's a sad thing.

I was realizing this the other day when we had friends over. I had a few drinks, enough to make me think I needed just maybe one or two more to make it really good, and enough to make me think of how it's been so long since I had felt that buzzy stage again, and enough to make me realize that it would be weird to get to that stage again. In my house. With my kids. I have heard that some parents don't feel that they should stop their young partying ways, but that's not me. As soon as I had children, I knew those days were over. I was Responsible now. Not haphazard.

Yet, I still feel those twinges. The desire to regain my youthfulness. My feet seem to be stuck in both pools of water still. I don't want to get rid of the past life, the one that many of my friends still live (not to say that they aren't responsible and don't hold down jobs or do important things, they just don't have the responsibility of children, and that plus a job and house, etc, are big deals and can hold you down. In a good way. But in a Big way.) And I really like my life and have many of my dreams come true. But sometimes it's hard to live the life I have chosen when you're the only one, the trailblazer of the group.

I hope my life is exciting to my single and childless friends. I hope I can make it look appealing. I hope I can be as hip as this family:

One day my friends will come to my side! And they'll understand! *smile*


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