the beautiful gift

wishing you a silent peaceful night

The kids were in their new jammies as we watched A Charlie Brown Christmas before this evening. And that's when it really started to feel like Christmas!  After they were tucked into bed (fifteen times!), my Hunny and I tackled the gifts wrapping and enjoyed the (eventually) quiet house together. We don't sit together like this often enough, usually we have distractions of tv or phone as background filler. Tonight was just a perfect evening of listening to favourite carols and resting. 

I have been listening to a lot of Pentatonix lately. I'm not usually a fan of A Capella, but they do it so beautifully. Most of it sounds like a choir singing with their mix of harmonies, which I love.  Their version of Silent Night is amazing!

{You also need to listen to Mary, Did You Know? <<< click here

And The First Noel <<< click here
No seriously...do it! Go now!}

From my Clan to yours: Have a wonderful Christmas.  May it be full of family and happiness as we celebrate His gift to us.

May your night be filled with peace.

Noel // Come and see what God has done

Noel 

Love incarnate, love divine
Star and angels gave the sign
Bow to babe on bended knee
The Savior of humanity
Unto us a Child is born
He shall reign forevermore

Noel, Noel
Come and see what God has done
Noel, Noel
The story of amazing love!
The light of the world, given for us
Noel

Son of God and Son of man
There before the world began
Born to suffer, born to save
Born to raise us from the grave
Christ the everlasting Lord
He shall reign forevermore

Noel, Noel
Come and see what God has done
Noel, Noel
The story of amazing love!
The light of the world, given for us
Noel

written by Matt Redman, Chris Tomlin and Ed Cash. This version sung by Lauren Daigle.

So incredibly beautiful.  So peaceful.  

Oh Light

I love Gungor for their incredibly touching lyrics, breathtaking music and heavenly voices. And this new song is no exception.

Oh Light / Gungor feat. All Sons and Daughters

overwhelmed this week and fighting fear

My newsfeed on FB is full of posts and articles on ISIS and terrorists and bombs and refugees etc....and it's all so overwhelming. So many different thoughts but all the same underlying sentiment: fear.

 So right now, in the moments given to me, I am choosing to focus on Him, who holds us all and is not at all surprised by the turmoil of the world. I am seeking stability and peace.

 Apparently, the Bible tells us to Be Not Afraid 365 times..once for each day. How refreshing the world can look when we take a moment to think on that instead.

#prayforworld

It's amazing how much can happen in one day.

Our hearts are heavy as we learn more of each situation in the countries that were effected by violence on Friday, and are holding them in our prayers.

I don't have any more words than that. Just sorrow.

Beautiful Reminder

Just when you didn't know you needed it, you read something that brings tears to your eyes and reminds you of something incredible.

I am His.

He calls me by name.

His Beloved.

I am so grateful for Ann Voskamp's words tonight on FB:

Ann Voskamp

Lord, when I don't like me,
You still love me, You still like me, You still lavish me with acceptance.
When I am fed up with me, You invite me to Your feast,
When I am done -- with me, with life, with everything,
You whisper, "Hang on -- I am making *all things* -- *you* -- new." (Rev21:5)
And when I want to quit, You cup my face: "This great work I started in you? I won't stop that beautiful work until you are fully, completely, gloriously beautiful" (Phil1:6, 1Cor2:7) 

So this becomes our brave & broken-hearted hallelujah, the one we sing into the dark, even when it's hard to believe:
I am His Beloved, His Beloved, His Beloved... and even now I will be held.
In the name of the only One who loved us to death & back to the real & forever life... Amen.
‪#‎SharingPrayerTogether‬

remembering, broken hearts and hard truths

I'm not exactly too sure how to start this post off, to be honest. But it's been percolating in my mind for a week now. Just jumbled thoughts and emotions, but no concrete words. So bear with me.

Today is October 15th, which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I lit my three candles for #WaveofLight in memory of my babies.

It's been an incredible journey, one that I never thought I'd be on. But I am so grateful for the friends that I made through this, and for the love and support I received as I had my two ectopic pregnancies and miscarriage. (You can read about my stories HERE)

We still don't talk about baby loss, or pregnancy loss yet, but we're getting better. I still think it is such a personal thing, and it shouldn't be taken lightly. It's not something that we advertise.  But I have met many others with their own stories, so it's a common heartbreak. But maybe that's why we don't talk about it. It seems... "common". When really it isn't. Having your heart break into pieces, having a part of you somewhere else, having a child you loved and wanted so dearly not with you....how can that be "common"? Even if it has happened to many of us.


I don't know if you saw the amazing photo that DMX Photography had posted on FB a few weeks ago. It was done to support and recognize a family who had lost many babies, and it was just beautiful.  I hope it is okay, but I copy/pasted the photo and what they wrote (because I'm Old Skool like that!):|

My dear and gorgeous friend Kathryn of LittleB Memories came to me with a special request for her family portrait. She and her husband longed for a family picture that showed their whole family of eight, preserving the precious memories of the five babies they'd lost due to miscarriage. This is the final image I put together for her. It took me a few days, this image weighed heavy on my heart, I can only imagine the suffering they endure on a day to day basis. My heart breaks for her and her family.

October is national pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. 1 in 4 is such a heartbreaking statistic...Please take a moment for Kathryn, her family, and ALL families who are suffering the loss of their children. Send them all your good thoughts and well wishes, your hugs and encouragement. They shouldn't have to suffer alone.

“When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world.”
-Ronald Reagan

Can you think of anything more beautiful and touching to have on your wall? I really had no words. Just incredible. Touching.




I had got stuck in a conversation on a friend's FB wall where she had shared a photo that said that "abortion is more about escaping consequences than "choice"... it takes away the choices of another human being." Harsh words, but true. For the most part, those who commented were in agreement. Many were sympathetic and carried no condemnation, but generally, they felt that those words were honest. But this one woman commented on how it wasn't "that easy", and that it was very judgmental, and how it felt like an attack on women who can be the only one making the decisions regarding their own body. And her comments were very much what the world wants to keep saying.

Abortion is also a very private thing. I've never been put in a situation where I have felt that my pregnancies would be better off Not being. So it's easy for me to say that I'd never consider one, but to be honest, I don't know. (I do remember my friend telling me of her teen pregnancy that she thought of it for a bit. And I can totally understand why! 16 and pregnant? That's not something that many girls dream of for their high school years! Not the most ideal situation. She kept her baby and went through a lot of hard consequences, so it was definitely not an easy thing for her to go through with either. But I understand the difficulties of being in a hard place.)

What made the whole conversation hard was this statement: "Many abortions are performed for pregnancies that are very much wanted but something is very wrong (like an ectopic pregnancy). That woman is getting an abortion to save her life."

I had to stop and reread it a few times. Was she equating my ectopic pregnancies as to having an abortion???

That was difficult to read.

I didn't want to get emotional or spout off words that weren't true, but it stuck with me all night. I even did some google searching on the medication that they gave me in the hospital. I wanted to know what the medical field considered it. But that was a bad move too. Methotrexate is used to stop folate from growing. Does that mean that it stopped the baby's life? It was vague. So I went to bed heavy hearted and praying for the truth and for peace. (I was reminded that a Miscarriage is also considered a "spontaneous abortion" in the medical field, so searching for a clinical term wasn't helpful at all!)

I had no answers and that was hard. I wanted confirmation! I wanted something concrete. I wanted some release.

What I got was the reply my heart begged for.

"With all due respect and compassion, an ectopic pregnancy is not an abortion at all! That pregnancy would never result in a live birth under any circumstances, and would kill the mother along with her baby who already has no chance of survival. That's a medically necessary life-saving procedure." I am withholding the author's name due to privacy, but I believe without a doubt that she spoke God's words to me in that comment. She was a blessing to me that night, and I shed many tears over that.

After two ectopic pregnancies that took two babies and my left tube, to even consider that I had an abortion to save my own life was very hard for me to read. I would give anything to have those babies back! (I can not think of ANY woman who have had ectopic pregnancies that they would consider their procedures an abortion! And I have talked with many!) I remember that when I first was given the shot of medication, that when my heart was breaking right there on that hospital bed, that I felt like I had just killed my baby. (I mentioned that feeling in my original post on my losses.)

But I was reminded that when I was having that powerful drug, and when they were preparing me for surgery, that those babies that I was supposed to carry, the dreams that I had held briefly, did not have heartbeats. That's what the problem was. They had ceased to live. They were just black masses in my broken tube, along with my broken heart, and that wasn't safe. My life was at risk and the medication was done to break down what wasn't a viable life anymore....not due to the medication, but due to the placement of the pregnancy. These babies had no chance. There was nothing wrong with them, but in where they ended up, but sadly there is no way to fix an ectopic pregnancy yet. Maybe one day they will be able to transplant the baby to the womb safely, wouldn't that be amazing!

But an ectopic pregnancy is not an abortion at all!  I didn't chose my life over my baby's. My baby's had already ended. And an ectopic pregnancy is not like a miscarriage either. They are both handled differently and you go through different emotions regarding the loss. I grieved my miscarriage, and the baby that could have been. Somehow telling myself that there was "something wrong" with the pregnancy didn't make it feel any better. But my ectopics had more fear.

When I struggled through the whole memory of my EPs, I was surprised at how deeply it effected me. Deep inside I still ache over these losses. I am very much able to go through life without thinking of these things, and I don't spend a lot of time remembering, and I'm not dealing with depression over them anymore, and I recognize the many many ways that my life is fruitful. But this month, I have been brought back to tears and painful memories.

Strange to think that they would be almost 15, 11 and 5 years old. How different life would be! I look at the beautiful family I have now and I wouldn't trade in any of it! A bit less pain would be nice, but I can confidently say that God does give beauty from ashes! (Isaiah 61:3)

I am praying that if you have loss in your life that you do not feel alone, but that you feel and know that you are cared for and loved. I pray that your heart will heal as your body does, and that you find beauty amungst the pain eventually too. 

you matter

a compassionate view on abortion

This is too good to not be shared.

I'm sure you have heard about the heartbreaking videos that were released about some Planned Parenthood management trying to sell baby parts from the aborted fetus' they have. There are five altogether. If you have somehow missed this, please look into it! They are difficult to watch and hear about, but it needs to be known.

This was posted today on Ann Voskamp's blog and it is so beautifully written.

It's a compassionate view. One that I wish more people had.

"Abortion isn’t so much about a woman having a choice — but a woman feeling like she has no choice at all."

"When we say that Womb Lives Matter — it doesn’t for one iota of a moment mean that women’s lives don’t count, don’t have a voice, don’t matter. When we say that Womb Lives Matter, we aren’t saying that only pre-born people matter and women don’t —- we are saying that pre-born people matter equally too .It’s part of the DNA of true social justice: Humanity believes in mutual human flourishing — in the flourishing of all human beings. History, genocides, Nazism, racism, haven’t they all proved at the very least this to humanity: It’s when we dehumanize anyone, that we can legitimize anything."

"What does it say of our humanity when we place value on aborted human organs — but not on the human baby who had those organs? We sit with that, how we failed woman and child. Every abortion is a failure of humanity: failing a human being in crisis and a human being in utero."

A Holy Experience: An Honest Conversation about abortion that asks us not to turn away -- from anyone. The Emmaus Option.

^^please click link above to read the whole post

Missing Mountains

We used to have mountains in BC. We used to be able to see them from our deck and on our drives around town. But now they are missing, and it's so sad.

Currently, BC is battling over 60 forest fires. 

Chris Hadfield, our Famous (and awesome) Cdn Astronaut, posted this on Twitter today:

To put it into perspective, here is a comparison shot of Vancouver normally in summer (bottom), and Vancouver covered in a smokey haze. Wow.

{photo by Cheryl Smith}

Currently, two communities have issues States of Emergency due to wild fires: Port Hardy and Squamish Lillooet Regional District. Scary thought!

Metro Vancouver is also in a Stage 2 Water Restrictions, which means only watering once a week. A part of me thinks it seems counterintuitive; if it is so dry out there that fires are starting from absentminded people, then doesn't getting things wet make sense? But I also understand that we need to be consientious on our water useage due to it being so dry.  What a summer this is starting out to be!


When we were traveling up for our camping trip at the end of June, we drove past the fires near Lytton. We could actually see some of the orange flames at the top fires! It was fascinating, yet also worrying and sad.  I understand that wild fires can actually be good for us in the long run, but it's sad when you think of the forests being destroyed, the animals being displaced, the firefighters who put their lives at risk, and the air quality making it hard for others.

Last night, the smoke started to become more noticeable in our own neighbourhood. We could see it and smell it when we went out to visit family; it was disturbing. But it was also so hot out, that at bedtime we had to make a tough decision. Do we close the windows and heat up the house further to keep the smoke out? (it was starting to bother my breathing) Or do we bear with the smoke and keep the cool air coming in along with it?  In the end, we closed the windows. Man, it was hot and hard to sleep!

It's so easy for me to get anxious and worried over things that may or may not happen. My mind starts to think "Worst Case Scenario Thoughts", such as what if the air gets so bad that we have trouble breathing and it triggers asthma attacks in the kids? what if the heat doesn't cool down and we are overcome by heat exhaustion? what if we need to evacuate? Thoughts that I don't need to worry about, things that aren't likely to occur, but thoughts that enter my mind anyways.  (for some reason, I think of Pompeii and I wonder what it must have been like for them to see their skies cover in ash and smoke. I know wafting smoke from fires several thousand kilometres away and an erupting volcano above your town are different, but my mind doesn't always make sense!) I've been trying to focus my thinking by  praying for His Peace and meditating on His Word.

I was reminded of these two verses last night:

When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You.  ~Psalm 56:3

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior....since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you. ~Isaiah 43:2-4

I am so thankful that we have firefighters bravely fighting to contain the many fires raging right now (and am praying for the families involved of the tree feller who died while working on one of the fires last night. It is a hard and dangerous job.), and I am thankful that God is in control of all of this and I can find strength in Him when I feel weak or worried. When I look to Him, I find that the stress does fall away.

Please join me in praying for the safety of the firefighters and volunteers and those involved in keeping our province safe, and in praying for health for those who are vulnerable (the elderly, young children and those with heart disease and diabetes and asthma were told to keep indoors in Metro Vancouver). 

Pray also for rain! (with no lightening)

Verses for your week

Blameless (Music Monday)

I came across this song on The Valley Stream, an online Christian radio station that is local (it's based out of Abbotsford.)  And wow, what a blessing!  It has touched me so much. So I have to share it with you!

Blameless by Dara Maclean

What manner of love is this
That You would lay down Your life
You paid the price, the sacrifice for redemption
Now I am determined to know
Christ and Him crucified
Now alive and the power in me is You, now

CHORUS
Blameless, You call me holy
I’ve been forgiven, You call me righteous
I’m free
Now spotless, You call me worthy
I am Your child, You call me chosen
I’m Yours, I am Yours

I will boldly come
Running straight to the One
Singing over me
Your songs of salvation
No one can take this from me
I’m a child that You name free
Nothing will separate us
I’m held by You
Oh I know, yes I know I’m

CHORUS

I am Yours, I am Yours, I am Yours, I am Yours
I am Yours, I am Yours, I am Yours, I am Yours

CHORUS

Blameless, You call me holy

I’ve been forgiven, You call me righteous

I’m free

Now spotless, You call me worthy

I am Your child, You call me chosen

I’m Yours, I am Yours

I am Yours

I am Yours

I pray that you may have power to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know that this love that surpasses knowledge...that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:18, 19)  If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)  What love!

Thankful Thursday

Welcome back to Thankful Thursday, a feature started by Louise at Talk Nerdy to Me, where we look back over our week and remember our blessings.  It is so good to see all that has happened, especially if you have had a particularly tough week. Being grateful is good for the soul. Here are just a few things that I am thankful for...

1. Anniversaries to celebrate

Sixteen years already?  Wow.

2. Mutual Cheering

I'm not happy with how our team ended up (It was a very painful ending. I was reminded of why I'm not allowed to watch hockey games at home; I get animated and yell at the tv and try to coach the team from my couch! haha.)  But I did enjoy the games, and I liked watching them with the kids.

There's always next year...

*sigh*

3. a great school that the kids enjoy

Our school had their Student-Led Conferences this week and so Rhys and Bryn got to show off their work to me. They were both excited about this opportunity. 

{{I look tired here but I wasn't. I'm just not photogenic!}}

I am so thankful that they get to go to this school and that they are growing and learning. I am so thankful that this is an opportunity that we get to have each year. I am thankful for planned nights where we can spend time getting to see what they are learning or how they are doing in school, no matter what their level or marks are. The kids are excited and you get to see them shine more!

4. Blessings in the mail

Is it wrong that I am so thankful that a friend got a surprise in the mail this week and that surprise was that I mailed her a get-well package? She and her kids have been under the weather a lot with various illnesses and they are run down, and so I wanted to send her something fun and good. So I made a get well card and added some tissues, hand sanitizer and some facials for fun. I also included some small Crayola travel packs for her kids. It was relatively easy to put together and didn't cost a heck of a lot. (I got most of the supplies at Dollarama. It was just the time it took to actually get down to the post office to mail it off that took the longest)

I am just so happy that she was surprised and that it made her day. I am so thankful that I could bless another with a simple act.  It made me feel good.

5.  Crafty Affaire

This past weekend, my Mom and I went to White Rock to check out Crafty Affaire, a Market of local artisans. It was a great afternoon to do that too. I was impressed with how everything looked...the displays were nice and elegant, and there were so many different crafty businesses.  It's a Market that we hope to participate in next year (or even in their winter one) as a vendor with Once Again designs.

{{our newest, and most colourful so far: wild & free sign. It's 5x5 and made out of reclaimed fence boards.}}

I am thankful for afternoons out with my Mom, and for talks and for de-stressing. I am thankful that I have such a good relationship with my mom and that we share similar interests. I am so blessed!

6.Thy Word

I am so thankful for my BSF group. We are finishing up the Life of Moses and I have gotten so much more out of it than I was expecting. I am thankful for His Word and that I have been able to study it and learn it more this year. 

What a blessing it is to be able to read this book! We live in a country that allows us some freedom in our beliefs, and we take it for granted; there are a lot of countries that don't and many believers risk a lot to grow their relationship with our God.


7. cookies!
 
Who doesn't like warm cookies from the oven? Yum!

8. My Hunny home

I am so thankful that my Hunny was able to take the day off of work so that I could go on a class field trip with Rhys (little siblings weren't allowed to come due to space). We also had an appointment with the paediatrician immediately after, so that I wasn't able to be at the school to pick up the kids when they got out. I am thankful that he was able to be with Eden and take her out for lunch and to pick up the Olders.  I am thankful that he has a good job and could take the time off when needed.

9.  my nephews

I got to babysit my nephews again this week. It feels like I haven't seen them in a long time! (especially since I had to cancel last week due to pink eye. Phooey) I love these boys!

 {{Micah and Eden stacking blocks}}

10. water power

Kai used the pressure washer to clean out the back of the truck from all of the dirt we filled for the gardens. He really does love that machine and will always volunteer to use it if it comes out!  I love that he will work hard at a project. 

That's my week in a nutshell. I have so much to be thankful for and I have many more that I didn't mention. What are you thankful for?

just breathe (wordless wednesday)

ETA: (ok, so that wasn't very "wordless". oops.)

Just Surviving

I didn't think I was doing to make it through the last week. I really thought that I'd just collapse and be done with life by Wednesday. But I managed to pull through. I don't know how other than by receiving strength when I needed it.

I don't do well with too much busyness.  With having five kids, I've had a lot of comments on how busy it be at our house, but really it's not. The kids don't do sports, so we aren't going to practices every day. They aren't interested and we are part of the 60% of Canadians who can't afford sports teams for our children, or whatever the percentage is. (I'd love to put Bryn into soccer, and Kai into Tae Kwon Do or the kids into gymnastics.)  Really it's just Abi's youth group and babysitting that we have weekly.

But some weeks we have so much going on that every day has a scheduled event. And too many days like that in a row add up to me. I feel like I can't rest. There's too much to plan for and prepare and think over. And it's been that way for several weeks now. 

Busy busy busy

Ever since Spring Break last month.

We've had important doctor appointments, birthday parties, and play dates.  Then immediately we went into Easter. And then more important doctor's appointments, and meetings, and big school projects. Add some contagious infections and a weakened immune system and there you go.

I felt weary.

Oh so weary.

I kept up my Thankful List. (think Thankful Thursday but done daily. Every morning, I'll start the day with devotions from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. And I'll end the day by writing in my journal about all the things that happened and the things that I can be thankful for.  Some days are wonderful and easy. Some are boring. And some are tough and frustrating. But I have always found something to be thankful for.)  I also kept up my BSF homework. So I really should have felt a closeness to God as I drew near to HIm in my weakness.

But instead I felt weary.

And alone.

I knew He was there, and I knew that He was listening and I knew He cared. But I didn't feel Him. Not because He and I were different but because I felt so numb, and when that happens you just go on autopilot.

I was so grateful for the strength to do what I needed. By Friday night, after driving from one end of Cloverdale to the other end of Aldergrove twice in two hours for a birthday party, I collapsed in my bed and buried myself under my pillows and blankets. Like my own blanket fort.  I would've cried, but even I was too weary for that.

I wish I could say that I had a miraculous moment or a break-through that changed everything, but instead I mustered up the energy to go on. Somehow the kids got fed. And somehow they got tucked into bed. And I fell into bed by 11:30pm myself. (and early night for me)  Then the night turned into day and the sunshine greeted me after a good sleep, and the day held promise and hope again.

It's amazing how suddenly one day everything can change. I don't know how it happens. You can guess that it's because I got enough sleep (I managed to sleep in too) and that would help. Or you could argue that we were finally all feeling healthy again. You could even suggest that it was God blessing me with a new day and change.  I'm willing to agree to all three.

Whatever the reason, I am so grateful to be able to wake up to sunshine and a renewed spirit and to hope and healing. It was the first day in over a week that I didn't feel weighed down or fatigued or depressed. I didn't need to muster up more strength to make it through.

Somehow I survived!

By the grace of God, I stumbled through the trials of busyness and came out intact.  There is something about having no major plans, a good sleep in, beautiful weather and a fresh day to renew your spirit.

I hope that whatever you are going through, you feel cared for and that you can find rest.  I don't know when your break will come, but I know that it will. I pray it comes soon for you.  We all need hope to be able to carry on.

banner (Wordless Wednesday)

never too late

(Ann Voskamp via A Holy Experience)

Good Friday

Darkness fell, 
      
        His friends scattered, 
            
                   hope seemed lost - 

                                      But heaven just started counting to three.

Palm Sunday

Blessed is He who comes in the Name of the Lord! Hosanna!

I love Palm Sunday. I love the idea of Jesus riding into Jeruselam on a donkey and the people waving palm branches and putting out cloths for Him to cross over. I love that for the moment, He was praised and rejoiced and worshipped as He should be. Palm Sunday recognized Him as Saviour.

Yet, how much changed in just five days...

But today, we celebrate Him.

Hosanna!