Saturday, March 31, 2007

would you rather...

…know the worst case scenario or think things are always overblown? My dh & I were talking about this yesterday and I was curious. I'm a worst-case scenario girl, which is funny because I'm a very positive person and you wouldn't think it fits together, but it does! :) I figure that if I learn all I can and inform myself on what *could* happen, I can then take each step one at a time, and if things do get worse, then I won't be devestated or unprepared. Plus, when things don't all go to pot, I have more to be thankful for! :) Dh is the opposite and thinks that everything is written in the "worst case" and doens't happen to most of the population! It makes him feel better.

Interesting how we can find comfort in two opposite sides of this. We are so not alike!!! :) But I like to think we balance eachother!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Kai's prayer and Abi's realization

Kai has had an interesting transformation during prayer over dinner. He would scrunch up his eyes and fold his hands so fervently, then he got bored and would just eat dinner while we all prayed, and now he's started a new thing when it is time for us to pray. It is so sweet. He's back with closing his eyes and folding his hands and now when Daddy prays, he'll pipe in, "ahh, eee, ahh, eee, eh, oooh, ahh." And then when we say "amen", he'll say, "OH!" with surprise that he missed our ending!!!! It's SOOO cute!!! I'm sure it's very distracting for Jonathan to pray to, especially since he struggles with praying aloud as it is, but man, it tickles my heart! I wonder what Kai thinks he's saying? I wonder if he "gets" it all? Does it delight Jesus just as much as it delights me? Isn't this the start of something wonderful though?

Oh! And while we're on the topic of children and learning about God… Abi had a cute "revelation" the other day too!

I wanted to talk about Easter with the kids, since it is starting to approach us very fast and the stores are filling with Easter candies and the kids are getting excited. I asked Abi, "What makes Easter so wonderful?" "the candy!" "But what do we celebrate at Easter?" "uhm… egg hunting!" Hmm… this isn't going very well! "What about Jesus? What did He do at Easter?" A blank stare. "We celebrate His birth at Christmas, what did He do at Easter?" "He died!" "Right! But what makes that so wonderful? What happened after He died?" "He came back to life!" "right!" Rock on, girlio! Then she looks at me and says, "Did he do that this Easter?" "yes, that's what we celebrate. That He died for us, and came back to life, so that we would be His children and be with him in heaven if we believed." "Does He do this EVERY year?????" I stiffle back a laugh. "Yes, He does." Sort of. Good enough of an answer, I think! *wink*

I love it!!! I love that the kids are starting to respond to God and understand all of the things we believe on levels that make sense for them. I love that they are going to grow up and this is going to be NORMAL to them. How sad to think of all the lives of children who grow up and don't know WHY we celebrate Easter. Who grow up and become adults and only learn then what it is it to believe in a Saviour. Who don't know what life is like with that absolute belief that someone greater than them, greater than their parents, is out there and cheering them on, loving them unconditionally. Sad. I have been so richly blessed to have been born into a family who knew that, and taught it to their children, and I am so delighted to be able to do that with mine. It tickles my heart.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

family of monkeys

I have a little joke with the kids (ok, the two older ones, that is!) that we are a family of monkeys because we eat so many darn bananas! We used to just buy one big bunch (and it had to be green b/c Daddy likes his that way…or so I thought. He actually just liked them that ripe b/c he knew I wouldn't steal any then since I like mine yellow!!!) but then I realized a trend with our family: the bananas would be gone long before our next shopping trip! It got to a point where I would buy a bunch (of a good 6-8 bananas) and they would only make it two days. Then they'd only last ONE day! I'd buy some in the morning and there would be none left by bedtime!!! Yep… family of monkeys! So now when I shop, I make sure we buy TWO bunches!!! However, I'm finding still that they last only a few days, though. Sheesh! I'm going to have to work our way up to buying a freakin' grove!!!!!! lol

To prove just how much a Family of Monkeys we are, tonight, in his limited speech, Kai asked for a banana as a snack. And HOW did he do so? By saying Eee, eee, eee… as in how a monkey "speaks"!!!! LMBO!!!!

Too cute!!! I love my monkeys!!!


Well, it turns out I AM claustrophobic!!! (roll eyes) *blush* Let's just say that the MRI machines on TV are much bigger than in real life!!!! I was feeling okay at first and I laid down on the movable bed and she was telling me how it is hollow and how it opens at the end, and she starts to move the bed in a bit. I closed my eyes (she said there would be a light there) and then opened them when we stopped so she could adjust me so that my spine was aligned. She stuffed some pieces beside my head to keep it still and even put a blanket over my legs and tucked me in! :) Everything was fine; it didn't look too bad for room at this point. Then she started to move the bed in further, so I was in up to my shoulders. I opened my eyes and MY GOODNESS!!!! It was no longer "cozy" at all!!! The ceiling is literally a few inches from your head!!! I started to feel a *bit* nervous and asked, "can I come out?" It's a good thing that this girl was understanding b/c if she didn't move that bed back I don't know how well I would've taken it!!! I honestly did not think I could do the test! And I kept thinking, dang! If I knew it was THIS bad I would've said yes to being claustrophobic and I could've had a sedative!!! lol But you needed to come half an hour earlier for that! grrr. So I had to think: am I taking this test or not? Can I do it? I do NOT like giving up, but I'm also wise enough to know when it's time to step away. I decided to try again. May (the young woman setting everything up) gave me some water and let me relax and breathe, then I laid down and she covered my eyes with a cloth (which I thought would make it worse!) and we started the process again. I kept my eyes closed and she slowly moved me in, stopping several times to ask how I was doing. I was fine. Really. I could do this! Then she went to the other room to start the machine and such, but she would talk to me through a mic and I'd respond through the one in the machine. (While it's running though, it's too loud, so she can't hear me, but that's why I was given a panic button in my hand!!!) I did peek a few times out of my cloth and could see the lights on the (very close) ceiling, but I wasn't freaked out this time. I was trying my very hardest to remain calm!

What got me through it was trying to pray and trying not to let my mind wander to scary thoughts. (suddenly all you want to think about it being trapped in an elevator, or being buried alive, or getting stuck in a cave!) I also had this song running through my head that was on the radio on the way in. I can't recall the name or who it's by, but it goes, "I love you more than the sun, and the stars that I taught how to shine, you are mine, and you shine for me too. I love you, yesterday, and today, and tomorrow. I'll say it again and again, I love you more." (edited to add: the song is called More by Matthew West) I also decided on a course of action if, by chance, I DID get stuck in there!  I figured that I could easily kick out that sponge from my under my knees and scootch my bum slowly until I got to the end!  *wink*

May did frighten me a bit 15 minutes into it though (it's appx. a 40 minute procedure) when she said, "ok, it's going to be quiet now while I set up for the next part." And she was right! It WAS quiet. Too quiet. She may have only taken 2 minutes, but man, it sure felt like 10! And I was laying there in silence, in a box, feeling a *bit* claustrophobic again! I called out, with a hint of fear in my voice, "May?" She immediately pipes up, "Yes? Are you okay?" in the speaker. Oh phew! Such relief to hear her again! She didn't leave the building or anything! "How much longer?" We started up again within 2 minutes, and I was fine!

The machine IS loud (they give you ear plugs…no radio like my hunny got for his knee MRI, though!) but it wasn't too bad. It sounded kind of neat. It actually was the silence between each set that made it difficult for me! See, the machine was taking pictures of my whole spine and SI joints, and it would go and whir and make loud clinking noises as it did that, but b/c it had a lot of pictures to do it would run for 4-6 minutes for each set. So May would tell me, "okay, the bed is going to move, then it will be noisey again for 6 minutes", then it would go quiet after and she'd input info or Whatever she was doing, lol, then tell me that again. The 40-mintue procedure was a LOT easier to handle when it was broken down like that for me. I liked being able to focus on, "okay, just 3 more minutes,… Okay, this isn't too long, just another minute or two…" although, six minutes can sure feel terribly long when you can't move and you're starting to get uncomfy!

So I survived! Long story short. (or as short as is possible for me! lol) Another thing I didn't anticipate was how sore I'd be. My lower back started to ache and pinch, and I was in pain by that night. I"m not too sure if it was from the test or laying so long on a table or what, but it wasn't nice. The pain still hasn't left, 3 days later though. :( Of course, I am out of my Naproxin pills, grr, which doesn't help. It's funny though b/c I am convinced the naproxin doesn't work b/c I'm still achey, but when I don't have them to take I am in a lot more discomfort! Phooey. I'm taking Tylenol with codeine, not that that's helping, but I'm hoping that maybe one time it will! I see my rheumatologist next week for the results (and another script for NSAIDS!)

*phew* There's the story!

Friday, March 23, 2007

what was I thinking?

Last night, Abi & I were chatting about sleeping in the evening… Kai fell asleep on the couch just before dinner, thus how the conversation began…and I made a joke about how we should stay up all night and sleep all day! She got all excited, so I continued: We'll stay up late and do crafty things and then we'll nap in the daytime!!! Abi was all giddy about that idea! As soon as dinner was over, she prepared the living room with a "tent" of a blanket over some chairs, and she & Kai pulled out sleeping bags!!! She was very giddy!!! Kai was all into it too. What have I done??? I didn't want to stay up all night! I wanted to go to bed immediately after dinner in fact! LOL :D Ah well… why not? This'll be a fun, I thought.

So we watched the newest Veggie Tales' video "Mo & the Big Exit", and I sang some songs, and then at 9:30pm, Abi declares how this is the latest she's EVER stayed up! LOL ..she can't tell time, but I"m sure she's right too!… Then she says she's ready for bed, so I turn out the lights and we snuggle into our sleeping bags, and almost instantly she's asleep! I was ready to pass out too, but couldn't. Kai kept getting up and moving and tossing and chatting and it was driving me nuts!!!! He didn't fall asleep until 10pm! grr! Of course, I couldn't stay asleep during the night! I'd be awake every hour, for no reason. And Bryn wasn't sleeping the best either. I guess he didn't like sleeping on the floor any more than I did! lol We should've climbed up onto the couch… ! (roll eyes)

When the kids woke up at 7am, needless to say, I was NOT impressed. I had to remind myself that it's not their fault I didn't sleep. But I grabbed my stuff and crawled into MY bed and slept another good hour. Phew!

Jonathan took the day off b/c I was supposed to have my MRI today (it was rescheduled). We were planning a family day; I was so excited! The radio talked about a petfair going on, but according to the website, it's next weekend, so that wasn't going to work. Jono assured me he'd figure out something for us to do! And sure enough, he had a lot of fun surprises planned! He didn't tell me what they were, I just went along! It was fun!

First we went to Petland Superstore for me. (He had something planned for all of us individually) I wanted to hold a baby bunny, but there weren't any, so I had to settle for a hamster, lol! Then we went to Value Village for Abi for "new" clothes! She picked out two cute tops and a jean dress. (I managed to talk her out of this horrible-looking 2-pc pink outfit, lol) Then sushi for Dad for lunch (it wasn't too bad. Abi does NOT like it, but Kai & I can handle some of it. I'm getting more brave, yay go me! I can eat the tempura prawns! meanwhile, Kai can pop back those baby shrimp in the sunomono salad, lol. It's sooo cute to watch!!!) then Toy Traders for Kai & their train selection! It was a long day, but fun. It was so neat that Jono had figured this out, finding fun things for each one of us, that we'd enjoy! How thoughtful! I was impressed. Maybe the kids won't remember or notice, but I did, and that's what mattered.

The kids had an early night, thankfully. I should be in bed too now that Bryn has (finally) settled, but I've got things to do still. Of course! Cards to make for three friend's belated birthdays (oops—ecards count though, don't they?) and one for Jono's grandma's birthday. (which is today, but we're celebrating tomorrow. Chinese dinner… they have YUMMY soup, Chinese tea and lemon chicken! Can't wait!)

Speaking of birthdays…. today is MINE!!!! Well, not birth-birthday, but birthday in Christ! Yep, today, I became a Christian!!!! 16 years ago! WOW!!! I was 13 when I prayed that prayer. Sure, I grew up in a Christian home, and I attended church and went to Christian schools, but it wasn't until I heard this one song that made me realize that Jesus died for ME. Even if there was no one else in the world, He still would've done it. I listened to Michael W. Smith's song "Secret Ambition." (click here and then click on the song title to hear a short sampling off his wonderful album "i 2 {eye}" from '88..a really good disc, even if it shows the time! lol Ahhh.. brings back memories… Ashton, and The Throne… wow! After reading Frank E. Peretti… wow. my eyes are going misty as I travel down memory lane!! lol wish I had a link to the video though, oh well..) It was THAT song that made me cry all night long. And this is the day I remember that. Sixteen years. Wow.

Secret Ambition
(Michael W. Smith)

Young man up on the hillside
Teaching new ways
Each word winning them over
Each heart a kindled flame
Old men watch from the outside
Guarding their prey
Threatened by the voice of the paragon
Leading their lambs away
Leading them far away

Nobody knew His secret ambition
Nobody knew His claim to fame
He broke the old rules steeped in tradition
He tore the Holy Veil away
Questioning those in powerful position
Running to those who called His name
(But) Nobody knew His secret ambition
Was to give His life away

His rage shaking the temple
His word to the wise
His hand healing on the seventh day
His love wearing no disguise
Some say Death to the radical
He's way out of line
Some say Praise be the miracle
God sends a blessed sign
A blessed sign for troubled times

Nobody knew His secret ambition
Nobody knew His claim to fame
He broke the old rules steeped in tradition
He tore the Holy Veil away
Questioning those in powerful position
Running to those who called His name
(But) Nobody knew His secret ambition
Was to give His life away

no, no
no, no
i tell you nobody knew,
untill he gave his life away

If you have ANY questions regarding Jesus or His plan for you or His LOVE, check out THIS site. or call 1-800-NEED HIM.

I chose Him on Palm Sunday in 1991. Easter is coming up and it's something to think of if you haven't already.

In other news… I have my MRI in the morning. I'm feeling blah about it.. not expecting much to come out of it, to be honest. I'm also not looking forards to laying there on a metal sheet for over an hour. It would be different if I could take some paper in with me and write (lol) but maybe I'll get a nap in. How neat would that be? lol It's not likely to happen…

Well, I"d better get some stuff done before bedtime.


Monday, March 19, 2007

new family member

I'm very pleased to say that we have pulled an Angelina and decided to add to our collection of children!!!! *big grin* Okay, so not at all like Angelina, but it made me laugh! We have, as of yesterday, started to foster a child!!!! There was a woman from IN Network at our church yesterday and she brought Comfort, a woman from Ghana, who also brought two 12 year old children from the town (Daniel and I think the girl's name was Vanencia)… they were so cute! They introduced themselves, told of their family, recited their fave Bible verse, and then sang a song together and a poem. I found their spirits and enthousisam for Jesus so wonderful to see. We don't tend to have that here as much. But they glow!

Anyways, back to IN Network. I've never heard of them, to be honest, but you can check them out here: Yesterday's group was from Ghana, West Africa. They had prayed about the needs there, and God opened up a great problem: Fetish Priests. (no, not the fetishes you're thinking of, shame on you, lol) They live in a tiny room with a bunch of their idol gods and people can come to them and ask for revenge for any wrongdoings. The fetish priest will then put a "curse" on the FAMILY (that includes granparents, aunts, uncles, children, cousins, everyone), which is a death sentance. When the family comes in to get it removed and "pay" for the sins of the one family member, the fetish priest asks for a virgin girl (typically around 5, 6 or 7) to become the slave of a god, and she comes to live with him where she works all day long. When she becomes old enough (usually 12, 13 or 14), she becomes the wife of the priest and bears children. IN Network has been telling them, the town and the fetish priests, about Jesus and how HE paid for their sins and how no one has to attone for them any longer. After many years, one (out of many, I can't remember the exact number) came to know Jesus on his death bed! Praise God! And he set free all of his slaves, which totalled 80 or so "wives" and their children! After he had done that, all the neighbouring fetish priests did the same! So several thousand former slaves are now being free, and needing education and skills, which is where the group comes in. They teach the women and provide the families and towns with the things they need to build schools and such. Which is where we come in: we have decided to help out too! We now have a little boy that we foster. I've always wanted to do this, I'm so excited!

Meet George Kwaku Asare.

(I'm sorry the photo isn't the best, I'm still working on uploading here! Plus, I took a picture of the laminated one we got, I don't have a scanner!)

His birthday is Jan 28/02 and just turned 5. He has a brother and two sisters and lives with his parents in a village near Amrahia with no running water or electricity. His father is a driver, and his mother trades at the local market. George likes to play kick ball and looking at picture books. (or that's what his profile says!)

Isn't he the cutest? I just had to tell you all about him. He doesn't look very smiley in the photo, but I want to give him squishy hugs!!! As he grows, we'll be able to write him and he'll write back. I'm so excited about how God will work in his life and the young man he'll grow to be in his village, and how this will effect our family.

Welcome George!!!

Friday, March 16, 2007

MRI and health update

Well, I've got my MRI booked. It's next week Friday. Whew! They ask you when you fill out the forms if you're clausterphobic and it's funny because I had to think about it for a bit. Finally I asked Dh, "am I clausterphobic?" He wasn't too sure either! So I finally decided I'm likely not! Despite answering all the questions on the form clearly, when they called to book the apt, they ask me them all again: do you have any implants (nope, these girls are all mine, lol), do you have any metal in your eyes, do you have any piercings or tattoos, are you clausterphobic? Hmm… last chance. Am I? If I am, they can give me a sedative, but I have to come in 1/2 hour earlier. Hmm… Nope. I passed up the chance! I'll have to rely on my own strength! Funny, I went to bed last night thinking about MRI machines. I've seen them before. Lots of times. I've even heard them running and know they're loud. Yep. Know ALL about them. Drs Chase, Cameron, and Foreman are always running them for Dr. House!!!! *big grin* But then I thought, "hmm,… they probably show them larger on tv, don't they?" Which got me wondering just how SMALL is this machine??? Eek!

I think what I'll do is just keep my eyes closed and try to nap! Jonathan told me today that they offer you headphones and can put it onto a radio station for you. If that's true, I'll take that offer up as well.

My MRI has been booked for next week Friday, March 23rd, at 9:45am. Jonathan has already booked the day off of work, so he'll be watching the kids. Which is good since the test takes apparently an hour half! Eek! I certainly hope it isn't uncomfy in that tight space!!! I don't have a problem laying down for long periods of time though (or I don't think I do) but then again, this is going to be on a machine bed, which may not be too comfy. Hmm… memo to self: take muscle relaxants beforehand!

I'm really not too sure if this will show anything or not, but maybe it will give the rheumy a better look at what is ailing me. And hey, if I can get in this fast for one, why not have it done? *grin*

On the topic of pain…
I was/am in SOOO much pain today. I must've wrenched my neck in the night b/c steadily as the day has gone on, the pain has increased. First, it just reached across my shoulders and up my neck, but now it stretches down across my left shoulder and down my arm into my elbow. It is in a LOT of pain. I've been taking Tylenol #3s (with codeine) and it's not helping. I had to pull out the Motrin, but that didn't help either. I was laying down on the couch this afternoon and I could not get comfortable, and I was in tears. So I pulled out the Tiger Balm. But all that did was make my shoulder warm. Actually, before I applied the balm, the pain just was in the shoulder/neck, but as I warmed up, it started to creep down the arm, which disturbed me. I moved it further along!!!

I've had to pull out the T3's, motrin, and Tiger Balm a few times tonight, like right now. My back and arm is feeling quite hot right now! Icy hot. Not too sure how I feel about that! All I know is that it doesn't really take away the elbow pain, darn! But I think I'm feeling a bit more mobile. I can actually turn my neck without getting shooting pain. Weeee! The sad thing? I've got so much of this stuff on right now and I can not even smell it! It must stink up my house right now of peppermint, but not a whiff for me! That's how stuffed up my nose is! Every now and then I'll smell something, but my nose is working backwards now: only if my mouth is open and I've just finished blowing my nose will I be able to smell something! WTH? LOL I missed out on the smell of our garbage today (cleaning up for garbage day tomorrow) and Kai's stinky bum! However, the other bad part is that I also can't taste anything!!! :( I had yummy fettucine alfredo for dinner (well, I'm assuming it was yummy, lol) and it tasted so bland. Even though I could SEE the spices on it! darn!

I am so hoping I'm feeling better real soon. My voice is still gone or raspy, my throat still hurts, I feel like Cr*p…it hasn't been good at all! I wasn't up to taking Kai to preschool this morning. Oh well. I'm sure he didn't miss out on too much! Tomorrow he has Music Class and Speech Therapy. I hope I'm doing well in the morning. Last night, I DID NOT sleep. I am most certain of it. I remember just laying in bed, hour after hour, wide awake. My mind full of thoughts, but nothing particular on my mind. It wasn't until maybe 4am that I started to fall asleep, but even then it was very limited. Surprisingly I lasted through the day and was awake. What's up with that? It is possible I slept but have no recollection? All I remember is laying there in bed. I got up to pee a few times. Remembered thinking of my workhop on Friday and if I'm going to be well enough for it and the demos I'll be doing…

Oh, and I learned a VERY good lesson last night: always measure your medicine with a Spoon, don't just guess!!!!!!!! *blush* I decided to take some Benelyn cold liquid, but instead of taking a spoon with me thought I'd just drink some from the bottle. ..yeah, I know, I know… as soon as I slugged it back I KNEW, I just had a feeling, it was too much. Oops! Within half an hour I was so incredibly dizzy. And I mean DIZZY. It was the most dizzy I had EVER been in my entire life. I somehow made it to my bed with the intentions of putting on my pjs, when I laid there, the room spinning. All I could picture in my head was me with my head between my knees. I just couldn't move to get that position! I had visions of me having to call 9-1-1 because I was so desperate for the room to stop spinning. Now, normally I LIKE being dizzy. Yes, that's right, I like it *big grin* but THIS dizzy, no, I DID NOT enjoy it one bit. It made me a bit concerned. In fact, any time I moved I felt nauseated!!!! I had no idea what was going on! Poor Jonathan was worried I was severely dehydrated, so he ran out to get me some Gatorade. It was likely I was, but not to the severe level, but I drank two huge 591mls bottles of it. (surprisingly, the lemon lime was very tasty!) Two hours and two gatorades later, and i was started to feel that 'tipsy stage'.. you know, where you drink and are starting to really notice it. You feel funny, a bit dizzy, starting to giggle like crazy, starting to stumble a bit while attempting to walk. You don't know what I mean? Oh. Me neither. I've just heard. *wink* (that's the only stage I would drink to. I would never drink past that b/c I wanted to still be in semi-control, and I thought this was fun!) Despite feeling like I was starting to taper out, I still didn't trust myself. I still CRAWLED everywhere! Yep. Got on my hands and knees and crawled down the hall to the bathroom. Walking made me nauseated still! My goodness!!! Never again!!! Jonathan had to gather Bryn up for me b/c I didn't trust myself carrying him. It's a good thing I don't breastfeed anymore! Next time I'll stick to a spoon. When Jonathan returned from picking up the drinks he asked me how much medicine did I take, and when I said I had no clue, that's when he pointed out I was to take two TEASPOONS…. WT??? Uhm, yeah, I took Waaaay more than that!!! I tripled that amount generously!!! Sheesh! I guess we're lucky ALL I felt was dizzy!!!

Retelling this story is making me feel dizzy now!!! LOL It's also past my bedtime. Don't know why I do this to myself… every night! Oh, right! It's a habit!!! A silly and bad one. :{

Hopefully I"m on the road to recovery.. I didn't feel it quite so much this morning, but hopefully…. YUCK!

Saturday, March 10, 2007

got the MAN flu

Eek!! Yes, that's right: I am siiiiiiiick!!! Yeah, totally shocking, I know. (can you just sense the sarcasm?) I"m always sick, and I'm always complaining that I"m tired… I think the two go together! LOL (you think? …more sarcasm, oops, lol)

You know how women always comment that their man is sick and is a bigger baby than their own children? Or they just mention their husband has a cold, and all the women she's talking to roll their eyes in understanding? Well, that's ME! It is the Other way around in my house!!! I"M the one who is the Big Baby while being sick!!! LOL

I was thinking about that recently (I've been on a what-makes-us-different-and unique kick regarding the sexes and how God designed us to be strange creatures to not only intermix, but compliment eachother. Fascinating stuff, I tell ya!) and I was realizing that to be completely honest, Jonathan does SICK well. Oh, he's draggy and frustrating, but I'm finding he's a LOT better than the stereotypical male. He doesn't whine.. much. LOL. ;) I don't have to tell him to take meds anymore, weeee! :) He needs to work on his pace though… he gets draggy and looks like he's been run over…and over.. and over. Not just a sick puppy, but a sick, troubled, pathetic puppy that needs to be rescued by the SPCA!!! LOL But, in all honesty, that doesn't last very long at all in him. He has this inborn urge to get up and force himself to plod on. I find it annoying as much as I find it fascinating, and it makes me jealous a bit. Wish I could just get up and go!!! LOL

Well, I do have to force myself to keep busy, it's true. A mother isn't allowed to be sick, remember? There are families to feed, children to snuggle, noses to wipe, cleaning to do, bodies to clothe, friends to help out.. the list goes on. But MAN, when I get sick…. I'm such a whiner!!! LOL

There. I admitted it. :) Not exactly the freeing feeling I was expecting with confessions, but moving on…

When I'm sick, I want EVERYONE to know. I look downtrodden. I whine. I tell everyone. I complain. I whine some more. WHY??? Why do I make it such a big deal…considering I'm sick with the common cold often? I don't know. My friend has a cute blinkie in her sig line on MWP that says "I'm only a hypochondriac when I'm sick" LOL!!! I may not believe I've got everything out there (but sometimes when I'm worried, I will do random searches on symptoms and such, tsk tsk! lol) but I sure make it look good! LOL

I like the attention. There. Another confession. Wow, this is getting easier! LOL Not shocking though. I mean, who doesn't like the attention??? I want people to feel badly for me. It's not that I want people to drop what they're doing and cater to me. I'm not wanting anyone to come over with baked goods or dinner already made… oh wait, I DO want that, not only when I'm sick though, but all the time, lol! (it's called DELIVERY, lol) But I want people to notice. I want them to say, "oh, Lori, dear, let me help you out. You rest. What can I do to make you more comfortable?" … usually all I want is a good nap (ok, a good 8-hr sleep would be nicer than a cat nap!) and some time to RELAX. Not worry about the kids destroying the house, or what I'm going to make for lunch or dinner, or how dirty the house is.

Growing up, my favourite memories of being sick are when I'd grab my blanket onto the couch and park myself there for the duration of the day. I'd bring all my fave things with me too: paper to write on, lots of pens, a book, a magazine, oh and maybe a movie or two! My Mom would make me NeoCitron and chicky schnoodle soup, and I'd be set for the day! It's not that I needed conversation or someone to cater to me (although my mom feeding me is obviously a bonus on so many levels) I just wanted to be amunst the goings on. I never liked to stay in my room by myself when I was sick, it had to be smack on the couch, lol! I'm still that way!

Funny, I"m almost 30 and I am really wishing I could pack up my pens, paper (for my epic letter writing), books, and blankie, and head over to my mom's house right now!!!! I always know she'll feed me (yum) and I know my house will be fine, and my kids taken care of (it's always more fun at grandma's house, remember?) Makes me wish I weren't an adult anymore!!!! *pout* Strange to think that I"M making these memories now to MY children!!!

So, I"m siiiiiiick. My throat HURTS. It hurts to swollow. :( I've also lost my voice! I had a workshop last night, and I guess my voice isn't used to talking that much in the evening (my fingers are used to typing all evening, typically!) and so as soon as I got to my truck to go home (literally that soon) my voice got scratchy and my throat sore!!!!! My body aches; I've been getting sharp pains in my back all day long. I'm still dizzy (have been for over a week now) but now I have an excuse, lol. I"ve been sneezing occassionally, and coughing. (something I hope doesn't develop stronger as I've got three coughing children that sound terrible!)


I hope I"m better soon. I don't like being sick.

Yet, I like it! ;) Isn't getting sick your body's way of telling you to settle down and rest? I am more than happy to oblige that! :) So…why am I still on the computer? (roll eyes)

Monday, March 5, 2007

free MRI anyone?

Today I had an appointment with my wonderful Rheumatologist. He is such a sweet older gentleman. (so sad to think that one day he'll have to retire) I haven't seen him since last year January. I was supposed to see him again in April 06, but cancelled it b/c I was feeling so ill and just not up to driving an hour in traffic to see him in Richmond. (pregnancy really wipes me out, my body doens't seem to like it) So I of course, had to get my GP to get me a freaking referral to see my own rheumy again. (rolleyes) This was just basically for a checkup, seeing how things were, what he thought, how I was doing since having Bryn, stuff like that.

He asked me how I was feeling and I told him that my meds aren't helping. I take 500mg Naproxin 2x/day. The first one is usally taken by 7:30am and I'm not feeling any less stiff until noon, which leaves me unimpressed. I'm not in terrible pain, I'm just sore and stiff, that's all. Niggling. He ends up asking me all these strange questions that leave me wondering "is he serious? are these really connected or is he just making conversation?" LOL He looked at my throat and eyes (which made me worried: I'd just scarfed down a McChicken in the car on the way to the apt, lol. Oh please don't let their be leftovers hanging out in my teeth or on the back of my tongue!!!) then he wanted to know if my eyes were itchy or if my throat was sore. Hmm… I said that they were a bit sore last week, but I likened it to a cold, so he asked if I coughed. Then he wanted to know my other meds (synthroid, and birth control) and he asked if I was breastfeeding. (sortof) Wanted to know if I got dizzy or had headaches. (yes, mostly at night–I figure it's from lack of sleep)

He asked about my back pain and where it is located (across my waist and up to my mid-back, always in the morning, usually all day actually!) I have higher back pain, but for some reason didn't tell him that. I guess I figure that's caused by other stuff unrelated to this. He asks if I get pain higher across my shoulders and neck. Yes. In the morning? No. Oh, then it's probably just a "mom thing"!  He got me to stretch out my arms, which he squeezed at the elbows and the wrist and finger joints, asking if it hurt. Nope. Not until he stopped, that is! He did the same to my legs! And my back! This is where my sweet gentlemanly doctor gets all evil: (beware, it's not nice!!!) He gets me to lie down on his funky bed (it's at stool height, then with you sitting on it, he pumps this lever with his foot that raises it higher, up to his waist level, how fun!!! sortof like a dentist chair!!!) and then tests my reflexes with a hammer (Kai wasn't too sure he liked that part, lol) and tickled the bottoms of my feet with a firm stick-like instrument and then freaked me out by pressing a vibrating prong on my toes to check my senses! He gets me to bend over and (attempt) to touch my toes and he presses on my shoulders. He wants me to raise my arms above my head and bend over on each side, while pressing on me. He asks me if I have chest pain or trouble breathing. Oh, ALL the time, but I didn't mention it b/c I guess I also think that is from something else. (I'm so silly, I NOW have a great example of the chest pain I get) He presses upon my upper chest, between the breasts (hey, he's a nice and decent man, so nothing creepy happened!!!) OWIE!!! That hurt a lot! He thinks the chest pain is related. :( Damn!!!! All of this sounds harmless…unless you've had this done before and suffer from pain!!! OWIE! My body is in SO much pain right now!!!! *pouts* Parts that didn't hurt before until he manipulated them ache! Enough to make you wonder if these are pressure points that eventually WILL hurt one day or is he just strong and I need to work out my muscles more? LOL

At conclusion, he still thinks I have Spondylitis. Which is nice to hear. Well, I don't want it, no, but it's better than after thinking it's it then changing your mind later, you know? He gave me an Unofficial Diagnosis in 2005 with Anklyosing Spondylitis, but when I had my CT Scan in Jan 06, it showed nothing. Every test I take doesn't show anything. I don't have the HLA-B27 tissue type. It's this one cell count that is too high or something that tells him something is happening to me. All the symptoms suggest it, but we have no evidence on tests. But he is still convinced. After all, it is harder to detect in women. Anyways, he says that this one medical company that does testing and such has come up with an offer for them. I thought he was going to suggest me to do some sort of drug testing, but instead, this group is offering to do FREE MRIs!!!! So he's signing me up for one! woohoo! This is a good thing, right? I'm not too sure if it will do anything, and the idea of having an MRI terrifies me, but we'll take it one step at a time! So he had to ask me these questions to fill out the forms: on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst, how has my fatigue been this week. 10. "really? it hasn't been worse?" no. Hmm. (although, now I'm remembering that it HAS. So maybe I'm only at a 8 or 9 this week.) How would I scale my severity. 6. How much pain on the scale? 7 or 8. ***the funny thing (maybe not FUNNY, per se) is that I'm not constantly doubled over in pain, but I AM in pain. I am in constant discomfort and wish I could just stretch it out. It IS higher than a 5, which would be considered 'medium' or 'moderate', right? So I can justify 6, even though it does sound high.*** Soooo…. he will fax off the info and the receptionist will call me with an appointment. Then I'm to book a follow up with him 2-3w after it's done. I'm not too sure how long it'll take to get one done. I've heard you can wait for a year for an MRI… Jenn (SIL) has been. Meanwhile, my Hunny got in within a week after he dislocated his knee (wonderful Worker's Comp!) and this is a private organization as well, so I'm sure I'll get this done fast! Neat! He told me it's an MRI of my sacoriliac joints….just for you medical people out there! (MOM! JULIE! lol)

When I think of what this disease WILL do to me and my body, it scares me. I try to talk about it with my husband, try to make sure he understands, but he wants to be the Man, the Protector, he wants me to not think about it, to remain positive, maybe I won't have it "that bad". Poor silly man! I love him. There was an article in the local newspaper a few weeks ago of a 63-yr old woman with AS (rx at 14) who is trying to advocate the government (amung other arthritis sufferers) to get them to include this one drug in their coverage. Remicade. I've heard of it, but don't know why. Likely an American magazine ad, they like to advertise in mags and such, unlike Canada… or at least to the same degree. This woman's back is fused and when sitting up against a wall, her back is 4 fingers away from it b/c of that, and it is working it's way up her neck. (which makes me worried of that happening to me…already I feel concerned about my chest–not just because of today though!) She's had surgery to help, but it's deteriorated again. Sad. :( Scary.

I'm supposed to sit up straight more, but I admit it is hard. When my back is in pain (which is every day) I just want to slouch over. It actually feels better when I do! When I am in a LOT of pain, I imagine myself bent over a huge rubber ball, relieving pressure from my back. In a postion I shouldn't be in!

I'm not trying to be depressive or anything. I certainly don't feel that way. I'm just talking. This is something that my future holds, most likely. I can handle that… sort of! My chest is in pain as I type, and breathing is hard. It's not asthma. It's from something else, something I can't prove or explain. But it feels like my chest is tight and can't expand, but sometimes I don't feel like I care. I'm so tired and exhausted that it's as if my body doesn't WANT to put the effort into taking a deeper breath. This has been happening a LOT for a year now. I thought it was to do with being pregnant, but it hasn't gone away yet. Hmm…

Ok, I'm done now. I'm starting to scare myself!!!  I just wanted to let you know how the apt went today. I *may* be getting a free MRI! Woohoo, why not? *wink* LOL I have some blood work to do (hematology profile, s. creatinine, ALT, Alk.phos, C-reactive protein, ECR….for those medically interested. I haven't a clue what they mean, lol) I'll do them when I FINALLY go in for my thyroid testing!!!

**oh! and that reminds me: my rheumy told me that my doctor is moving away next month!!! Eek! I'm so pleased that she informed me!!!! What was going to happen… I call up for an apt and they tell me that she no longer lives in BC??? She's moving to Nova Scotia. I'm happy for her, but I"m going to miss her. Ah well, she never got to deliver any of my babies anyways! (she tried, and I tried, but it wasn't my fault she went down to check her mail when I was 10cm and Kai was born!!!! sheesh!)

a *bit* confused

I didn't get around to updating the wonderful news from last week! When we went in for our appointment with the pediatrician, we found out that being supplimented has indeed helped!!! My Little Big Guy gained OVER A POUND in ONE week!!!! teehee*chortle* He now weighs 6.6kg, which equals out to 14lbs 8oz!!! I am sooo proud of him! It is obvious that I am not producing enough! I am so pleased! (well, not on the not producing enough, but on his weight gain and how he's doing! LOL)

Of course, he was still vomiting and I wanted to address that. And guess what? The pediatrician himself mentioned about looking into the Reflux! WOW! I really thought he was going to side-step that one yet again! So I was impressed. He was gaining my trust again! He said that in regards to Reflux, they follow a pattern. First is trying Zantac. If that doesn't work, they add Motilium to it….. Oddly, he never did tell me the third step if step 2 doesn't work, lol! He mentioned how we originally were looking to solve the black stool issue (the maalox), which we did. And then we looked into the constant miserableness (they always downplay it, don't they? grr), which was from hunger. Yay! Now we can look into the reflux. I couldn't help but think that if he had explained himself like that a few weeks back, I would've understood and been more at peace about everything! Sheesh! oh well, we made it through that big hurdle!

The steps we are taking right now is to stop the motilium and to keep him on the Zantac, to see if that helps the reflux. If it doesn't, and he's still "spitting up" (as the ped says) then I am to add the motilium again. But I am to have him weighed again in a few weeks to see how he's doing. I am to expect to see large weight gains, but he said to not listen to the Public Health nurses if they say that he's eating too much or gaining too fast, lol! But if the jump is big, I'm to call and let them know so he can adjust the zantac doseage.

I feel really good about this. It's been almost a week and all is going really well. Which is so wonderful and such a blessing. But also leaves me a *bit* confused. (when am I not? LOL) …. He has stopped throwing up, spitting up, vomiting. That is, it's not coming out at all. I'm not too sure if I've noticed it happening to him silently either! *blush* Am I just not observant anymore? He's too young to be "growing out" of it, isn't he? So what's going on? Are things just calming down with the Zantac? I'm not even giving him that all the time. Instead of 4x/day like he suggests, I can get by on only 2 and have him fine. Is that good? It sounded good in my head, but now that I've typed it out I'm wondering! LOL He's alays been a Happy Spitter, so he could still be refluxing but not showing any effects. I'm not too sure. Is there some kind of "test" I can do? I don't doubt that he had reflux all this time, but I'm wondering what's going on now, that's all. All I know is that he's doing much better than he was two weeks ago! A LOT better! And I am so pleased.

****edited to add: As odd as it sounds, to my relief, Bryn woke up refluxing and screaming in the evening! Funny how I'm happy that happened. I'm bizarre, hahaha! But it was nice to have that answer!

Thursday, March 1, 2007


That says "happy Saint David's Day" in Welsh!!! (or I think it does!) LOL

I am very blessed to have met a wonderful friend, Stace, online who lives in Wales. We are very much alike and she is such a fun woman, and I love her! She calls me "chicken", which threw me off at first, but she insists it is a term of endearment in Wales. Right. I, of course, have to take her word for it! lol

Just to prove what a wonderful person she is, she sent me a package of clothes for my children. But not just ANY old clothes; Welsh clothes!!! March 1st (which is today for another half an hour) marks their big national celebration of Saint David's Day!!! All the girls dress up in the traditional clothing and the boys wear rugby jerseys (which is their national sport) I'm not too sure what else they do, but it sounds like a Big Thing there! She also sent me a traditional Welsh cookbook, which ROCKS, but I think I'll have to go to a specialty store for some ingredients, but I can't wait to attempt to ruin a meal from another country! LOL Anyways, she sent me the clothes for my children to wear to partake in it on the other side of the pond! How cool is THAT???

The kids and I were so excited! Abi wore her costume to Kai's preschool and had to tell as many people as she could about Mommy's friend who sent the clothes for "saints david day"! They looked so great! I hope that these pictures turned out on here; I had to share!

It was neat looking at Bryn in his jersey, thinking of how his name is Welsh (Stace was so delighted when we chose it!) I kept calling him my Little W(h)ale all day!!! *wink* Oooh, I hope that one day I get to go over there. I must admit, when I watch the shows, learn about the history, chat with someone from over there… my heart gets swept away. I know I don't entirely "belong" there, but my desire lies in Europe..somewhere. Wales. England. Ireland. Scotland. Oi. I feel…homey…when I think of those places. Can't describe it. Feel silly saying it. But it's true. I pray that one day my feet may touch the soil of the land my relatives came from (my father's father is from England, and his mother is from Ireland….my mother's family is from Netherlands.)

To learn more about St. David's Day, click here

Oh, and 'Gwnewch y pethau bychain'! (that means "do the little things"…one of the last things Dewi Sant apparently said, and has become a Welsh statement)

in a fog

It's been a strange week. I feel like I've been in such a fog. I can't concentrate, I can't think straight, I can't focus… I'm feeling a bit "out of it". And it's driving me nuts!!! I'm sure I can blame a lot of it on lack of sleep, b/c it's true, but I'm so sick of it! I spend all my day wasting time doing nothing and fighting sleep! And now I can't even concentrate on that! (ok, that sounded silly.. but maybe that's a good example of my nonesense)

ANother reason came to my mind though: I am hypothyroid (I AM or I HAVE? I've never known!!!) and am on Synthroid, a medication I take daily, and will for the rest of my life. This was discovered in May 2005, which was a very horrible, no good, very bad year for me. (ok, maybe it wasn't THAT bad…lol) Maybe it was March… but I digress. I ran out of my little pills and needed to get a refill, but was informed at the pharmacy that the script had run out! WT? Oh no! Of course, I'm feeling pretty crappy b/c I am reminded that I NEED to go get my blood tested again to see if my thryoid has changed any, and I've forgotten to do so for two months now!!! (despite having the requisition form on my fridge to remind me) SHAME!!! *blush* Oh great! I now need to call the dr to get me a quick refill for now until I can get my test done. Except I keep forgetting to. Even if I'm not doing anything at home and I'm not terribly busy, I forget to do things!!! FINALLY I call the drs office, and the receptionist (I love Theresa, she's so nice!) informs me that my script is good all year, they should fill it. I tell her, yes, I thought so, but I went to a new pharmacy so maybe they don't know. We hang up with her telling me that she'll call it in for me. As soon as we hang up, it hits me! WOAH!!! I went to a NEW pharmacy!!!! The one by my house! I didn't go to my typical one!!! RIGHT! That's the one I asked for the refill at!!! (the old one) Oh My Gosh! How silly of me! Case solved! LOL I called Theresa back to let her know I"m an idiot, lol! I can get my meds! EXCEPT…now I AM too busy to get it picked up. I have gone several days now and I can honestly attest that this DOES effect me!!!

I've wondered if it does for a while. I've missed a dose maybe 1 or 2 days AT MOST in a row and to no effect, which made me wonder if it was really even doing anything. (I'm the kind of person who likes to see immediate results, I guess! If I'm going to take a med or make someone else take it, there had better be a good reason for it! If I forget and they're still the same then I start questioning just how important is this stuff anyways???) Well, I can now say that missing this drug over 3 days and I start to notice it! I was going to brush it off, but I think it's more than coincidence that I am aggitated, angry, grouchy, depressed and comfort eating! Synthroid makes me feel more "sane"!!! LOL

So I am happily going back on it tomorrow! YAY! How silly of me.

Since we're on the topic… I have a confession to make. I don't want to confess this b/c I'm afraid of how it will reflect upon me, but I do need to get it out. My oldest son has a heart condition called Asymptomatic Left Ventrical Dysfunction. Don't ask me what the heck that means, but it's a nice big word his cardiologist uses at every appointment! LOL (I LOVE Dr. Hosking though. He is a fascinating man with a stutter, very kind, very smart, and with a stutter! WOW! I find that really neat for some odd reason!) I do know that Kai has an enlarged heart and he is also on medication daily. At the initial diagnosis (March 2005…my bad year, remember? lol) we were told he'd be on it for the rest of his life, but now we may be able to wean him off when he's 5 or 6, but we're not too sure. (asymptomatic LV dyfunction isn't common in children, so there are no studies. It is more common in adult males, which makes it harder for us. We're not too sure about the outcome re: meds or how long he'll be on them or how they will react with him, but the prognosis is good. He is NOT in heart failure…but to be scary, the doctor/nurses/ect like to use that term too, to remind us of the dangers, I guess.) Anyways, I am pretty good at remembering MY medications, but Kai's…. not so much so. Actually, ANYONE'S I pretty much suck at!!! For instance, if Abi is on an antibiotic (say for her ear infection last year) and I need to give her something everyday for 10 days, she'll get it maybe 6 or 7 days. *blush* Well, that goes for everyone. So imagine my Embarrassment when Jonathan discovers that I've been giving Kai medication that expired over a month ago!!!!!!! And in front of friends too!!! I felt like I had been awarded the CRAPPY MOM OF THE YEAR AWARD!!! Wooohoo! I'm *so* pleased to be noticed, thanks for not applauding. *blush* To his credit, when I mentioned it later, Jonathan appologized. He didn't mean to embarrass me, he was just pointing out something he just noticed! I hadn't noticed either! The sad thing is that there shouldn't be any of this medication left to give to him expired! If I had been giving it to him as I"m supposed to there would be no excess. So yeah. a*hem. Then I tried to call in another one of his meds for a refill and they said that one was expired too, so they had to call the cardiologist for approval again. I feel like crawling under a rock now!!!! What is my problem? I know that it doesn't help that Kai shows no visible signs to me that he NEEDS these meds. (he's on three) I know he does though, otherwise the dr wouldn't have prescribed them and we wouldn't be needing to see a specialist, but… *sigh*

I know I'm rambling and I'm exposing myself and I'm likely going to feel so embarrassed in the morning when this is seen by friends, but I just need to "talk". I'm tired but not in bed. I hope this fog lifts soon. *sigh*

six months

Okay, so technically Bryn is closer to 7 months, but I didn't know how to post photos, so I'm going to try now. (erin made it sound so easy, lol) This is my Boy trying to sit up on his own! (he's only 4 1/2 months age adjusted, so I think he's doing pretty good!) LOL You can see he's Leaning! LOL

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