oh, I'm running (back)

This song has been on my mind all week ever since we sang it in church on Sunday. It's one that I hadn't heard in a long time. (it came out in 2010, forever long ago)

(Forever Reign by Hillsong)

Oh, I'm running to Your arms
I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign


Oh, it's been so long. Too long. It's funny (but not really) how so much can change without you even realizing it until it's almost too late. Suddenly you notice that something is missing, but you're not too sure what. And when you finally connect it, you wonder how you ever got there.

Somewhere along the line, not only did I drop off my blogging (I got busy and tired and needed a break somewhere and it's usually the first thing to go.) but I also stopped my daily journaling, and then I stopped my thankful list. And the next thing you know....you're not doing anything that you used to do!

Why is it so easy to drop a GOOD habit???

I've been struggling with that. It's so frustrating. I wish I were more disciplined.

So this song reflects my recognition that things are not as they should be but that I am taking steps to regain all that I did before that was so much better for me. Funny how daily journaling a thankful list can change your heart and outlook so much! Focusing on good, even on the toughest days, brought Joy back to my life!  Why did I stop doing this??  *insert disappointed pouty face*

Oh, I'm running (back) to Your arms.



 My heart will sing
No other name
Jesus, Jesus

the beautiful gift

Noel // Come and see what God has done

Noel 

Love incarnate, love divine
Star and angels gave the sign
Bow to babe on bended knee
The Savior of humanity
Unto us a Child is born
He shall reign forevermore

Noel, Noel
Come and see what God has done
Noel, Noel
The story of amazing love!
The light of the world, given for us
Noel

Son of God and Son of man
There before the world began
Born to suffer, born to save
Born to raise us from the grave
Christ the everlasting Lord
He shall reign forevermore

Noel, Noel
Come and see what God has done
Noel, Noel
The story of amazing love!
The light of the world, given for us
Noel

written by Matt Redman, Chris Tomlin and Ed Cash. This version sung by Lauren Daigle.

So incredibly beautiful.  So peaceful.  

heavy heart

My heart is overwhelmed. My Opa peacefully entered into the arms of Jesus this week. As I listened to Christmas Carols on the radio, I was filled with awe that he was singing them in praise now! What a reward! I am so thankful for that surety of his life in heaven and can't help but wonder how those without Jesus Christ face death. I am at peace, but I also am sad that he is no longer with us (and its hard living so far from family) but I have that hope for an eventual reunion. I am so thankful! I will miss you, Opa!

My heart aches.

This is hard.

 ROEPER, Pieter- Monday September 9, 1929 - Thursday December 10, 2015

Pieter Roeper passed away peacefully at the Belleville General Hospital on Thursday December 10th, 2015. Pieter Roeper, of RR#2 Stirling in his 87th year. Son of the late Cornelis & Trijntje Roeper. Loving husband of 63 years to Ada (Boulogne). Father of Alice Peters (Stephen) of British Columbia, Karin Bouma (Fred) of Belleville, Connie Reed (Bob Grzela) of Rockland, Peter (Kathleen) of Shelburne, Jim (Cathy) of Stirling, Fay Sarra (John) of Markham and John (Ingrid) of Belleville. Survived by his sisters Tineke Roeper (Sip Vermey) and Willy Hanskamp (Joop) of Holland. Predeceased by sisters Alida Bas (Flip), Henny Stark (Jac) and his brothers Jan (Aagie), Henk and Cornelis (Elly). Dear Grandfather of Mark, Lori-Anne, Julie, Peter, James, Heather, Francine, Craig, Kyle, Curtis, Ryan, Tiffany, Erica, Charles, David, Katrina, Nicole, Michelle, Rhiana, Aaron, Elysha and 22 great grandchildren. Predeceased by grandson Matthew and great grandson Quinn. Friends are invited to call at the STIRLING FUNERAL CHAPEL LTD 87 James St. Stirling (613-395-2424) on Sunday from 2-4 & 7-9 p.m. Funeral Services will be held at St. Andrews Presbyterian Church, Stirling on Monday December 14th, 2015 at 11:00 a.m. Officiated by Rev. Morley Mitchell. Interment Elmwood Cemetery. If desired, donations to the St. Andrews Presbyterian Church would be appreciated.
Online condolences www.rushnellfamilyservices.com

overwhelmed this week and fighting fear

My newsfeed on FB is full of posts and articles on ISIS and terrorists and bombs and refugees etc....and it's all so overwhelming. So many different thoughts but all the same underlying sentiment: fear.

 So right now, in the moments given to me, I am choosing to focus on Him, who holds us all and is not at all surprised by the turmoil of the world. I am seeking stability and peace.

 Apparently, the Bible tells us to Be Not Afraid 365 times..once for each day. How refreshing the world can look when we take a moment to think on that instead.

#prayforworld

It's amazing how much can happen in one day.

Our hearts are heavy as we learn more of each situation in the countries that were effected by violence on Friday, and are holding them in our prayers.

I don't have any more words than that. Just sorrow.

Beautiful Reminder

Just when you didn't know you needed it, you read something that brings tears to your eyes and reminds you of something incredible.

I am His.

He calls me by name.

His Beloved.

I am so grateful for Ann Voskamp's words tonight on FB:

Ann Voskamp

Lord, when I don't like me,
You still love me, You still like me, You still lavish me with acceptance.
When I am fed up with me, You invite me to Your feast,
When I am done -- with me, with life, with everything,
You whisper, "Hang on -- I am making *all things* -- *you* -- new." (Rev21:5)
And when I want to quit, You cup my face: "This great work I started in you? I won't stop that beautiful work until you are fully, completely, gloriously beautiful" (Phil1:6, 1Cor2:7) 

So this becomes our brave & broken-hearted hallelujah, the one we sing into the dark, even when it's hard to believe:
I am His Beloved, His Beloved, His Beloved... and even now I will be held.
In the name of the only One who loved us to death & back to the real & forever life... Amen.
‪#‎SharingPrayerTogether‬

remembering, broken hearts and hard truths

I'm not exactly too sure how to start this post off, to be honest. But it's been percolating in my mind for a week now. Just jumbled thoughts and emotions, but no concrete words. So bear with me.

Today is October 15th, which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I lit my three candles for #WaveofLight in memory of my babies.

It's been an incredible journey, one that I never thought I'd be on. But I am so grateful for the friends that I made through this, and for the love and support I received as I had my two ectopic pregnancies and miscarriage. (You can read about my stories HERE)

We still don't talk about baby loss, or pregnancy loss yet, but we're getting better. I still think it is such a personal thing, and it shouldn't be taken lightly. It's not something that we advertise.  But I have met many others with their own stories, so it's a common heartbreak. But maybe that's why we don't talk about it. It seems... "common". When really it isn't. Having your heart break into pieces, having a part of you somewhere else, having a child you loved and wanted so dearly not with you....how can that be "common"? Even if it has happened to many of us.


I don't know if you saw the amazing photo that DMX Photography had posted on FB a few weeks ago. It was done to support and recognize a family who had lost many babies, and it was just beautiful.  I hope it is okay, but I copy/pasted the photo and what they wrote (because I'm Old Skool like that!):|

My dear and gorgeous friend Kathryn of LittleB Memories came to me with a special request for her family portrait. She and her husband longed for a family picture that showed their whole family of eight, preserving the precious memories of the five babies they'd lost due to miscarriage. This is the final image I put together for her. It took me a few days, this image weighed heavy on my heart, I can only imagine the suffering they endure on a day to day basis. My heart breaks for her and her family.

October is national pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. 1 in 4 is such a heartbreaking statistic...Please take a moment for Kathryn, her family, and ALL families who are suffering the loss of their children. Send them all your good thoughts and well wishes, your hugs and encouragement. They shouldn't have to suffer alone.

“When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world.”
-Ronald Reagan

Can you think of anything more beautiful and touching to have on your wall? I really had no words. Just incredible. Touching.




I had got stuck in a conversation on a friend's FB wall where she had shared a photo that said that "abortion is more about escaping consequences than "choice"... it takes away the choices of another human being." Harsh words, but true. For the most part, those who commented were in agreement. Many were sympathetic and carried no condemnation, but generally, they felt that those words were honest. But this one woman commented on how it wasn't "that easy", and that it was very judgmental, and how it felt like an attack on women who can be the only one making the decisions regarding their own body. And her comments were very much what the world wants to keep saying.

Abortion is also a very private thing. I've never been put in a situation where I have felt that my pregnancies would be better off Not being. So it's easy for me to say that I'd never consider one, but to be honest, I don't know. (I do remember my friend telling me of her teen pregnancy that she thought of it for a bit. And I can totally understand why! 16 and pregnant? That's not something that many girls dream of for their high school years! Not the most ideal situation. She kept her baby and went through a lot of hard consequences, so it was definitely not an easy thing for her to go through with either. But I understand the difficulties of being in a hard place.)

What made the whole conversation hard was this statement: "Many abortions are performed for pregnancies that are very much wanted but something is very wrong (like an ectopic pregnancy). That woman is getting an abortion to save her life."

I had to stop and reread it a few times. Was she equating my ectopic pregnancies as to having an abortion???

That was difficult to read.

I didn't want to get emotional or spout off words that weren't true, but it stuck with me all night. I even did some google searching on the medication that they gave me in the hospital. I wanted to know what the medical field considered it. But that was a bad move too. Methotrexate is used to stop folate from growing. Does that mean that it stopped the baby's life? It was vague. So I went to bed heavy hearted and praying for the truth and for peace. (I was reminded that a Miscarriage is also considered a "spontaneous abortion" in the medical field, so searching for a clinical term wasn't helpful at all!)

I had no answers and that was hard. I wanted confirmation! I wanted something concrete. I wanted some release.

What I got was the reply my heart begged for.

"With all due respect and compassion, an ectopic pregnancy is not an abortion at all! That pregnancy would never result in a live birth under any circumstances, and would kill the mother along with her baby who already has no chance of survival. That's a medically necessary life-saving procedure." I am withholding the author's name due to privacy, but I believe without a doubt that she spoke God's words to me in that comment. She was a blessing to me that night, and I shed many tears over that.

After two ectopic pregnancies that took two babies and my left tube, to even consider that I had an abortion to save my own life was very hard for me to read. I would give anything to have those babies back! (I can not think of ANY woman who have had ectopic pregnancies that they would consider their procedures an abortion! And I have talked with many!) I remember that when I first was given the shot of medication, that when my heart was breaking right there on that hospital bed, that I felt like I had just killed my baby. (I mentioned that feeling in my original post on my losses.)

But I was reminded that when I was having that powerful drug, and when they were preparing me for surgery, that those babies that I was supposed to carry, the dreams that I had held briefly, did not have heartbeats. That's what the problem was. They had ceased to live. They were just black masses in my broken tube, along with my broken heart, and that wasn't safe. My life was at risk and the medication was done to break down what wasn't a viable life anymore....not due to the medication, but due to the placement of the pregnancy. These babies had no chance. There was nothing wrong with them, but in where they ended up, but sadly there is no way to fix an ectopic pregnancy yet. Maybe one day they will be able to transplant the baby to the womb safely, wouldn't that be amazing!

But an ectopic pregnancy is not an abortion at all!  I didn't chose my life over my baby's. My baby's had already ended. And an ectopic pregnancy is not like a miscarriage either. They are both handled differently and you go through different emotions regarding the loss. I grieved my miscarriage, and the baby that could have been. Somehow telling myself that there was "something wrong" with the pregnancy didn't make it feel any better. But my ectopics had more fear.

When I struggled through the whole memory of my EPs, I was surprised at how deeply it effected me. Deep inside I still ache over these losses. I am very much able to go through life without thinking of these things, and I don't spend a lot of time remembering, and I'm not dealing with depression over them anymore, and I recognize the many many ways that my life is fruitful. But this month, I have been brought back to tears and painful memories.

Strange to think that they would be almost 15, 11 and 5 years old. How different life would be! I look at the beautiful family I have now and I wouldn't trade in any of it! A bit less pain would be nice, but I can confidently say that God does give beauty from ashes! (Isaiah 61:3)

I am praying that if you have loss in your life that you do not feel alone, but that you feel and know that you are cared for and loved. I pray that your heart will heal as your body does, and that you find beauty amungst the pain eventually too. 

you matter

I will trust

There has been a new song on Praise that I love called "First" by Lauren Daigle. When I searched for it (the truth is that I didn't know what the title was and couldn't tell that's what she was saying, so I googled the lyrics and found it!) I found many more songs of hers.  Currently, this is my newest favouritest song and on repeat.

Trust in you

Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see

I've tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary, I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You're by my side
 
When You don't move the mountains I'm needing you to move
When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don't give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There's not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation, the rock on which I stand
Your ways are higher
Your plans are always good
There's not a place where I'll go You've not already stood

I will trust
I will trust
I will trust in You!

Thankful Thursday

Welcome back to Thankful Thursday, a feature started by Louise at Talk Nerdy to Me, where we look back over our week and remember our blessings.  It is so good to see all that has happened, especially if you have had a particularly tough week. Being grateful is good for the soul. Here are just a few things that I am thankful for...

1. BTS

Yay! What's not to be thankful for?

I have a child in each of our school's campus' this year: preschool (Eden), elementary (Rhys gr 1, Bryn gr 4), middle (Kai gr 7) and high school (Abi gr 9)  It's so strange!

2. preschool

Yes, it's time!  My little spitfire is going to preschool! She is so ready!  

She was so excited and loves to go, and I am so happy for her! I sure hope these teachers are ready for her! (she wasn't too happy that I got to stay when we had preschool orientation, so now she asks every time I drop her off for class, "you're not staying, are you?" haha)

3. cross country

Bryn joined the cross country team at school. Now that he's in grade four, there are more clubs available for him to be in, so he's happy! I think this is great, the kid really does love to run and jump. 

We have some practices and meets already this month. I can't wait to see him out there running!

4. specialists

 From Kai and Abi's awesome pediatrician, to the many specialists we saw for Rhys, to even the paramedics, nurses and doctors during Abi's asthma attack, I am so grateful for the specialists who are knowledgeble and trained and who have helped us out.


5. fun hair

 The kids found some small temporary coloured hair gel and had fun playing around for school one day this week. I thought they all looked great!

 I am thankful for fun hair colour and styles and that they go to a school that doesn't mind them playing around some!

6. new friends

Kai made a friend already so early into the school year and got to hang out with him at his house. Not only am I proud of him for making new friends, but I am so pleased that it is a new boy to our school. I remember how incredibly hard it was for me to move across the country to BC when I was 10. I had a hard time making friends, and when I did make some they weren't nice to me in the end; I still carry a lot of hurt of those years. So I try to impress upon my children to do what they can to include the new kids. My kids have the advantage of being in this school since kindergarten so they know everyone, but these new ones don't have anywhere to start from. A welcoming smile is a good thing to see!

I am thankful for new friends, and I am thankful that my boy is the one who is including new classmates

7. safety and healing

This goes without saying but I am so incredibly thankful for Abi's health after another asthma attack sent her to the hospital via ambulance. I am thankful that she is healing, she is safe, and that she had so many people helping her.

8.  Meet the Teacher nights

This week, we got to go check out the teachers for the middle and the high school. (last week was the elementary but we weren't able to go. I find those teachers easier to connect with though, so I wasn't worried about missing out) I am excited about their school year! We really are so blessed to be able to go to our school!

9. Baby Cohen

I am so excited about this little guy!

 My newest nephew was born a week before his due date, but just at the perfect time as it happened on an evening (and was swift) when I was able to be a part of it!  I am so in love with him and his squishy cheeks, and so proud and happy for my favouritest sister and her man/my friend! 

10. Rainbows
  
My day was filled with a few ups and downs so when I saw this bit of rainbow falling out of the sky this evening, I was brought to tears and reminded of God's covenant with us.

  "You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety." Job 11:18

 I am so thankful that He let me see that tonight! What a beautiful reminder!

So that's my week in a nutshell. How about you? What are you thankful for? Please share your list in the comments (there's a little button at the top by the title!) I'd love to celebrate with you!

our fears come true (asthma at school)

It happened again. I wasn't prepared for it and to say I panicked just a little bit would be an understatement.  But so understandable.

I was in my Bible Study group when I saw that I had missed a phone call from the Older's school and had a voice mail. I didn't know if I should check it (it seemed awfully rude to go on my phone when our Teaching Leader was talking; especially since this was my first meeting) or just hope that if it was important that they would contact my husband. As we were breaking to start something else, I see that there are some text messages from Kai but from Abi's phone.

Abi was being taken to the hospital by ambulance after suffering an asthma attack during PE.

My world stopped.

Memories of the day she almost died three years ago assault me and I can't breathe either.  Of course, as I'm trying to explain to my own Leader, I'm crying. So much for being strong in front of people you don't really know; people who don't know your story! I felt a bit silly. But mostly I felt so afraid.

I got a hold of my Hunny on the phone; he was on his way to the hospital, sounding totally calm. He said that he talked to the Paramedic and that Abi was doing okay and there was nothing to worry about. He said that I didn't have to come. Are you kidding me? I was definitely coming and I felt I had a lot to worry about!

Not that I didn't believe him either. I appreciated his calmness, and I don't think I truly thought it would be a repeat of what happened in our house three years ago-- I didn't think she'd pass out or that she was going to stop breathing; it sounded like things were under control. But I also couldn't calm my feeling of panic.

There was a verse that God had spoken to me earlier in the week and I tried to repeat it to myself on the drive to the hospital. "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy." Psalm 94:19 

I didn't find that I received joy, but I did find strength and I did have focus. Instead of thinking of my fears and the 'what ifs' or the painful memories in the past, I chose to remind myself of the calm my husband had, and the knowledge that she was being taken care of, and that there were women praying over Abi (and myself) in my Bible study group.

When I arrived, I cried at the parking meter since I didn't have enough money in coins and my credit card was missing. (forcing people to pay for parking at a hospital is just a terrible idea!) I offered a scruffy looking older man my $5 bill if he just had $1.50 for me, and when he just gave me the money without wanting mine in exchange, I cried some more. *sigh* Oh, so it's going to be one of those days, is it? But despite all of my anxiety and embarrassing emotions, I was so relieved to see Abi looking some-what normal!

Other than the bright red cheeks, the fast breathing, and the face mask of oxygen, that is. But she looked calm, just tired. And I could handle that!

She said that she was in PE and their teacher is trying to teach them all to run a 5K by the time school is over. I thought that was a mighty big goal, an impressive one! The idea is that none of the kids are allowed to walk, but have to keep up a steady pace. However, just three minutes into the run and Abi's chest is starting to hurt and she's having a hard time breathing. She tried to push herself further since she had barely even begun, but she soon realized that it was getting worse, not better. Her breathing became panting, and when she asked to retreive her inhalers from her locker, the teacher suggested she take some friends along for support since she didn't look good. That quickly turned too as her panting, walking and attempts at talking made her weak and dizzy. (her friends were freaking out, she said!)

Unfortunately, her inhalers were empty and she forgot her refills at home. Thankfully, they were able to have Kai sent from his class to borrow his inhalers. But by that time, her attack had been going on for too long without any proper relieving medication, so his inhalers didn't help despite being the same dose as hers. That's around the same time another teacher (or more) got involved and looked over her (and that's when she could see the way he was looking at her eyes and studying her that she said to him, "I don't have a concussion, you can stop checking!"  It's the exam she sees her Daddy do on the kids whenever they get hurt! The teacher laughed, but kept caring for her. I think it's a good sign that she could make silly comments like that. So much like her Mom!) And that's around the time they called for an ambulance. Thankfully the hospital is just a few streets over from the school, so it wasn't a long wait. Soon enough, there were 8 or 9 paramedics in the school, getting info, checking over my girl!  She was well taken care of!

Her hospital stay actually was brief. Only a few hours. She moved from oxygen through a mask, to the nose prongs to room air within two hours. Then she was allowed to go home just after lunch! It was all rather surprising and we weren't too sure how comfortable we felt about that, but she really was doing better with her breathing. Her chest was sore, and she was very tired and weak and didn't have the strength to speak loudly, but that was okay. I expected that, but the idea of leaving the security of the hospital so soon after an attack that brought you there seemed scary!

The whole thing was so incredibly different than the severe attack that happened three years ago. Other than the obvious points where she didn't pass out and have blue lips and cheeks, or that it wasn't us who called for an ambulance. There was the fact that this time she didn't panic and hyperventilate (I panicked! But had I been there, I probably wouldn't have.) I am so happy to say (and sad) that experience is a teacher; she knew not to freak out, she knew to keep focused, she knew she had to push harder (especially since her own support group in the school were getting scared and she had to instruct them!) I was so proud of her. Not hyperventilating obviously helped!

Her recovery has been different too. The first time, she stayed at the hospital overnight. This time only three hours. The first time, she seemed to bounce back by day two. This year, it has taken four days. (she missed the rest of the week of school, since she was too weak to do much of anything. She has finally gained enough energy to make it out of the house for a bit.)  They had given her 15 units of ventolin instead of the usual 2, so she was so dizzy and shakey all the way until 8pm that night, 10 hours later! She's also had a headache all week and hearing sensitivity and some more asthma flare ups, which I don't recall three years ago. And this year there is no follow up. But apparently this recovery is all normal.

So what caused her attack? Her morning was just fine at home. No problems breathing, no wheezing, no cold or illnesses. So this really was out of the blue. However, there were a bunch of small things. First is that she forgot to take her allergy pill and she forgot to pack her new inhalers. Second is that there were a few factors in what could've triggered it: the grass that had been cut (she is allergic to grass; it makes her itchy and when it is mowed it can make breathing difficult), the air was chilly that morning (cold air is harder on asthmatics), and she was running. (PE was her first class that day.) Not having her own inhalers didn't help. Taking too long to get a rescue inhaler from her brother wasn't good either.

I'm not too sure what that means. I don't think she should avoid PE, as much as she would love to! (She does need physical activity and keeping active is good for the lungs. I know that the teacher is trying to get them up to a 5K runner, and that he wants them to not walk, but her father and I have told her that if she needs to walk, she does. And if the teacher gets upset with her, we will back her up! However, after this incident, I don't think he'll push her too much!) I guess we just make sure that she's got her inhalers with her and they are current and full and that she doesn't forget allergy pills in the morning. I'm not too sure about the chilly air....maybe wear a scarf? (haha)  We will adjust things as we go along.

I am just so thankful that she was about to be level headed (although she said that at the beginning of school, she had this 'weird' feeling, like a regretful feeling, but she didn't know why. Another funny thing is that a friend of mine said that when she dropped off her daughter to the school, she had a 'bad feeling' about PE too, but thought it was a worry for her girl's own asthma! Strange!)
I am also thankful that Kai was able to help her out. It may have been a bit too late for his inhalers, but I am grateful that he could offer them, especially since she has been the one to rescue him a few times last year! Hey, they may have actually helped give her more time before the ambulance arrived with sirens on!
I am thankful for the friends who stopped what they were doing right then and prayed for her (and our family) when they heard. God heard and He answers! She got the help she needed and in time, and I had found strength despite my fears.
I am thankful that the school acted swiftly in calling for outside help, and that they were able to contact my husband when I didn't respond to their calls (I was in a different room than my cell phone at that time)
I am thankful that she is healing. Even if it is a lot slower than we anticipated. She has been so weak and sore, and breathless, but she has not gotten worse, and we didn't need to have a prescription for meds at home and she didn't need to return to the ER.
It was a lot less dramatic this time and I am so thankful.

One of our biggest fears was that there would be another major asthma attack when Abi wasn't with us (and I know her fear was to have one at school) and it happened. And we survived. And we realized that things could be okay. Not having it happen again would be great though.

He is so good

new music Monday: I'll keep on

Heard this song on The Valley Stream and fell in love. I don't listen to a lot of rap, but stuff with awesome and touching lyrics, yes!

I've never heard of NF, but I'll be looking up his stuff more now!

Thankful Thusday

Welcome back to Thankful Thursday, a feature started by Louise at Talk Nerdy to Me, where we look back over our week and remember our blessings.  It is so good to see all that has happened, especially if you have had a particularly tough week. Being grateful is good for the soul. Here are just a few things that I am thankful for...

1. Friends who gather

We were invited for a family bbq over the weekend to  a friend of Kai's. We didn't know them very well, but this was a great opportunity to get to know eachother better. They have four children (their youngest will also be in preschool with Eden!) and seem to have a lot of similar thoughts and lifestyle as us. It's so good to meet people who you can connect with! I am thankful for new friends,...and that it was such an enjoyable time that the kids didn't want to leave!

2. My book readers

Some of the kids joined the Summer Reading Club at our local public library this year. I don't know why we haven't done it before! This week ended their seven weeks of reading, so they got their medals. They boys were pretty excited about that!

I am thankful that they love books! 

 
3. Art Recognition

Abi entered the drawing contest at the library and won! This was for last months' contest, but we were finally able to go down and get a picture of it hanging on the wall!  I was impressed!  I love Abi's chibi drawings!

4. Birthday Fun

Rhys was so excited; he has been waiting for three weeks (since he first heard about the invitation) and the day finally arrived: he was going to his friend's birthday party! Yay! It's so nice that he is able to go to parties now and that I can actually drop him off and return later!

5. clearing the air

I was worried that a friend was upset with me and it was all so silly. It was just my own worries over nothing, but the more I wondered the more it felt real. When I saw her this week, I was nervous how it would be again, but to my delight, it was perfectly fine! She showed no signs of feeling indifferent towards me, quite the opposite actually! I am thankful that there was no need for me to convince myself that she wasn't happy (but when is there a need to do that?) and I am so thankful that she still loves me and wants to get together soon! What a weight off of me! Dumb imagination of mine!

6. sister bonding time

Abi and Eden were in Abi's room, colouring pictures and hanging out together "bonding", Abi said, when she took this selfie! It makes my heart happy.  I am one lucky mama!

7. Bear hug

There are still a lot of wildfires going on in BC (and plenty all over the place. A friend of mine in Oregon is dealing with the smoke of fires now too) but I am so thankful for all of the work and efforts of the man brave firefighters.

8. Stress Test

Kai had his annual cardiology appointment this week at BCCH. Along with his usual Echocardiocram and ECG, he also had a stress test done. He's never had one done before, so this was new! He did well, considering!

Good news is that his heart is good and there is no change. That is, it is still enlarged (it's approximately 1 year bigger than it should be), but it hasn't gotten bigger, and his test results look good and he is showing no concerning symptoms. I am so thankful for that!

I am thankful for his Cardiologist and the Cardiac team at BCCH. We've been going now for 10 years. That's incredible to think of!

9. Invites

Abi finally got together with her group of friends this week! (well, almost all of them. There are 13 in the group, and a few couldn't make it of course) I love this group of teens! I hope they stay close and continue to grow together as they enter high school in a few weeks.

I am also thankful that the host of this gathering also included younger tween siblings. So Kai got to go, along with his friend. That was so nice and unexpected! I don't know how many things he'll be invited to with Abi and her friends, but I remember the few opportunities I had with my older brother when we were teens, and it was so cool!

10. cozy evenings

I'm thankful that this week, my Hunny and I have been able to spend more time with eachother. Yay!  We've just been sitting together watching HGTV after the Youngers have been put to bed, but still, that's a big step. I was surprised actually at how much more happier I was, and how I viewed our relationship in a better light, just after spending an evening together in the same room!  (he likes to watch tv and I like to write or waste time on Pinterest, and we're often in different rooms)  I am thankful for small things that help.

So that's my week in a nutshell. How about you? What are you thankful for? I'd love to hear your list and celebrate with you!

a compassionate view on abortion

This is too good to not be shared.

I'm sure you have heard about the heartbreaking videos that were released about some Planned Parenthood management trying to sell baby parts from the aborted fetus' they have. There are five altogether. If you have somehow missed this, please look into it! They are difficult to watch and hear about, but it needs to be known.

This was posted today on Ann Voskamp's blog and it is so beautifully written.

It's a compassionate view. One that I wish more people had.

"Abortion isn’t so much about a woman having a choice — but a woman feeling like she has no choice at all."

"When we say that Womb Lives Matter — it doesn’t for one iota of a moment mean that women’s lives don’t count, don’t have a voice, don’t matter. When we say that Womb Lives Matter, we aren’t saying that only pre-born people matter and women don’t —- we are saying that pre-born people matter equally too .It’s part of the DNA of true social justice: Humanity believes in mutual human flourishing — in the flourishing of all human beings. History, genocides, Nazism, racism, haven’t they all proved at the very least this to humanity: It’s when we dehumanize anyone, that we can legitimize anything."

"What does it say of our humanity when we place value on aborted human organs — but not on the human baby who had those organs? We sit with that, how we failed woman and child. Every abortion is a failure of humanity: failing a human being in crisis and a human being in utero."

A Holy Experience: An Honest Conversation about abortion that asks us not to turn away -- from anyone. The Emmaus Option.

^^please click link above to read the whole post

recovering

This is just a gentle reminder to myself, and to anyone else with chronic pain and illness.

I understand.

Some days will be rough and you'll be on the couch resting, trying to breathe, and that's ok. Don't beat yourself up. Some people will understand (hopefully you've surrounded yourself with more of those people) and some won't (hopefully you've disregarded their words and realize they are from those who just don't get it.)  


Good days will come again!

Missing Mountains

We used to have mountains in BC. We used to be able to see them from our deck and on our drives around town. But now they are missing, and it's so sad.

Currently, BC is battling over 60 forest fires. 

Chris Hadfield, our Famous (and awesome) Cdn Astronaut, posted this on Twitter today:

To put it into perspective, here is a comparison shot of Vancouver normally in summer (bottom), and Vancouver covered in a smokey haze. Wow.

{photo by Cheryl Smith}

Currently, two communities have issues States of Emergency due to wild fires: Port Hardy and Squamish Lillooet Regional District. Scary thought!

Metro Vancouver is also in a Stage 2 Water Restrictions, which means only watering once a week. A part of me thinks it seems counterintuitive; if it is so dry out there that fires are starting from absentminded people, then doesn't getting things wet make sense? But I also understand that we need to be consientious on our water useage due to it being so dry.  What a summer this is starting out to be!


When we were traveling up for our camping trip at the end of June, we drove past the fires near Lytton. We could actually see some of the orange flames at the top fires! It was fascinating, yet also worrying and sad.  I understand that wild fires can actually be good for us in the long run, but it's sad when you think of the forests being destroyed, the animals being displaced, the firefighters who put their lives at risk, and the air quality making it hard for others.

Last night, the smoke started to become more noticeable in our own neighbourhood. We could see it and smell it when we went out to visit family; it was disturbing. But it was also so hot out, that at bedtime we had to make a tough decision. Do we close the windows and heat up the house further to keep the smoke out? (it was starting to bother my breathing) Or do we bear with the smoke and keep the cool air coming in along with it?  In the end, we closed the windows. Man, it was hot and hard to sleep!

It's so easy for me to get anxious and worried over things that may or may not happen. My mind starts to think "Worst Case Scenario Thoughts", such as what if the air gets so bad that we have trouble breathing and it triggers asthma attacks in the kids? what if the heat doesn't cool down and we are overcome by heat exhaustion? what if we need to evacuate? Thoughts that I don't need to worry about, things that aren't likely to occur, but thoughts that enter my mind anyways.  (for some reason, I think of Pompeii and I wonder what it must have been like for them to see their skies cover in ash and smoke. I know wafting smoke from fires several thousand kilometres away and an erupting volcano above your town are different, but my mind doesn't always make sense!) I've been trying to focus my thinking by  praying for His Peace and meditating on His Word.

I was reminded of these two verses last night:

When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You.  ~Psalm 56:3

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior....since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you. ~Isaiah 43:2-4

I am so thankful that we have firefighters bravely fighting to contain the many fires raging right now (and am praying for the families involved of the tree feller who died while working on one of the fires last night. It is a hard and dangerous job.), and I am thankful that God is in control of all of this and I can find strength in Him when I feel weak or worried. When I look to Him, I find that the stress does fall away.

Please join me in praying for the safety of the firefighters and volunteers and those involved in keeping our province safe, and in praying for health for those who are vulnerable (the elderly, young children and those with heart disease and diabetes and asthma were told to keep indoors in Metro Vancouver). 

Pray also for rain! (with no lightening)

Verses for your week

Thankful Thursday

Welcome back to Thankful Thursday, a feature started by Louise at Talk Nerdy to Me, where we look back over our week and remember our blessings.  It is so good to see all that has happened, especially if you have had a particularly tough week. Being grateful is good for the soul. Here are just a few things that I am thankful for...

1. Talent and Bravery

This past week was the LCS Middle School Got Talent show. Last year, Abi and a friend made up their own dance to a song and performed it. This year, she and a few of her friends sang the song "Hey Soul Sister" by Train.  They did good, despite a few hiccups (such as some of the mics not working) and I was impressed!  

I love watching some of these students go up in front of their peers and show off a talent or interest. There were some solo acts and group acts in dance, song, instruments, and even comedy acts!  I love the confidence some of them have...and absolutely love the bravery it takes for some to go through with it!

2. Bowling Party

I was dropping Abi off at a birthday party at the bowling alley with R and E and they were so upset and angry with me that they didn't get to stay! I told that them "maybe one day" we will go bowling, since they had never gone. When we get home, there was an emailed invitation for Rhys to go to a bowling birthday party! Haha! Perfect timing! He was so excited!

3. sidewalk chalk

 I am so thankful for neighbours that play!  

4. Surprise gifts

I was surprised to find a gift for me from a teacher friend after school, and then I LOL'd to find it was black jellybeans! Haha. She gave me a box of black jellybeans for Valentine's after she posted on FB the gifts she was making for her students and I commented how I loved the black ones. She just throws them away! Now she shares them!

It was a nice surprise and I got to share them with a few others at the playground too. It really made my Monday better!

5.  Teddy Bear Picnic

Rhys and his kindergarten class had a Teddy Bear picnic this week to end their unit on Bees. (bees..honey...bears...see the connection?)  It was a fun, but very humid, afternoon!

6. new living room

I mentioned before that I have a friend who is moving soon so she is selling and giving away a lot of stuff that has been piling up in her home for the past 7 years. She already gave my kids a bunch of toys already (things that her kids had outgrown, now that they are teenagers) but this week we picked up the big items: a whole new living room set!  We have a new couch/love seat, end tables, coffee table and area rug! WOW!!! And she just gave them to us!!!!  How awesome is that?  I am so thankful for new (to us) furniture. Our living room looks so nice.  Well, actually it looks really crowded since we have to get rid of the old couches still. But that aside, it looks so nice with new stuff in it! What a blessing!  We got a needed face-lift for the house, and she got rid of a lot of furniture that she didn't want/need anymore. (she is downsizing and plans on getting something new) Win-Win all around!

Sorry, no pictures of my crowded living room. I'll have to post one after it's all neatly put back together!

7. Coffee interview

I had an interview this week. Not for a paid position anywhere, but volunteer. It's quite an exciting, yet surprising, change for me!  I will tell you more about it when it is finalized and I've actually started in September.  I am just so thankful for this opportunity to do something like this and to grow and stretch out my faith. 

8.  Chutes and Ladders

One of the toys that the kids received from my friend (refer to #6) was the game of Chutes and Ladders Dora version!  So far, every game we've had for the Youngers has ended up spread all around the house with missing pieces. It drives me nuts! It doesn't take long for me to just toss them all out into the recycling!  But so far, this one has lasted pretty good.  I make sure that it gets cleaned up when we're done and it goes back away.

Eden and Bryn had some time before we left for school to play a game. (toddler games aren't very long at least)  I am thankful for free games and for siblings that play together.

9.  Encouraging messages

A friend sent me this message this week.

It really meant a lot to me. We don't talk a lot (not nearly enough) so for her to out-of-the-blue send this to me, saying she thought of me when she saw it, really touched me. I am so thankful for friends who can encourage even in something as simple as a FB message, and for a God who prompts friends to do things like that because He knows how much I need it.

10.  Provisions

Some months we are really living just week-to-week, some are more day-by-day, in stretching out our budget. Some months are just fine (although it's been a while since it's felt like that) But right now we are in the first two. I have spent time in prayer, reminding God of what we need and asking Him for faith and patience in waiting for Him, and for wisdom in how I work with what I have. I am so thankful that He is a faithful God. He has truly never left us and He really does care. We always make it to our next pay day without any major crisis!  He has blessed us in so many ways. Sometimes it's by a friend or family member giving us stuff that we need, sometimes it's just in making days go by where we don't need to spend any money on anything, and sometimes it's in miracles by us somehow finding money in our account for the things we need!  He is good, and I am so grateful.



So that's my week in a nutshell. How has your week been?  I'd love to celebrate your Thankful list with you: share it in the comments!