Friday, October 1, 2010


The Olders are back in school and loving it and B started Preschool and he's doing great, so things should be settling down for me, and I should be in a rhythm now, but I don't feel that way. Instead, I feel exhausted. I feel that fear of mornings again, where I attempt to muster up some energy to drive to the school (a tumbler filled with hot chocolate works for a bit, but then gives me a tummy ache! and I'm not a coffee drinker.) but feel like collapsing during the day. I've seen the doctor and my thyroid isn't out enough to cause this much fatigue and it isn't anything else (I know what you're thinking!) so I guess it's just that I Don't Do Mornings Well. At all.


I wonder oftentimes if I'll ever get it figured out and I don't know. It's a depressing thought. So far, things seem to be on a downward scale and I don't see the possibility of a difference. But I must be open to the chance of a productive day, or else I have no hope. But in reality, I am frightened that this is all there is for me; constantly exhausted and struggling for normalcy.

This is the time for adjustments and tweaking things, for working on schedules and trying new options. And hoping it'll start to come easier for me to figure out.


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