Sunday, October 16, 2011

on my own

Tonight is the start of a week on my own. Eight whole days. Just me and my kids. All of us. No other adults, just myself. And the kids. All five of them. For a whole week. Yep.

To be honest, I'm not too worried about it. At least, not now. Ask me how I felt about it a week ago and I'm sure I wouldn't have been so relaxed!  I was surprised, stressed, worried, upset, concerned, angry, jealous and down-right not impressed about it! For one, I thought he was going just for the days he wrote on the calendar. Turns out that was just the days he booked off work! He was actually leaving on the Saturday (today), not the Monday!  That was a complete surprise.  I'll bet my blood pressure was high after I learned that one! I didn't even ask when he was returning; I was too scared to at first!

A whole week!!! It was learned that he was leaving Saturday early morning and not retuning until the next Saturday sometime late!

I admit it, I was filled with jealousy too. When would I get to go away for a week? How come he gets to do that? *sigh*

It wasn't just the length of time he was going that bothered me though, it was the meals I had to deal with as well. Anyone who knows me knows that I do not like cooking. I eat because I have to. Not because I worry about my girlish figure (maybe I should worry more, lol) or that I hate food, it's just that cooking and preparing meals is not on my top List of Things To Do For Fun. Now, there are a lot of foods that I like to eat (pasta, yum!) and many more that I should seriously consider cutting back on (chocolate, sugar...), but cooking as a whole doesn't interest me.  Add that on to having a 4 month old who has decided that her favourite time to eat and want to be held is between 3-6pm, and you're looking at a stressed mother! How in the world was I supposed to feed my other children??? As it is now, I try to prepare as much as I can first, but mostly I'm counting down the hours and minutes for my Hunny to come home and make dinner! So my stress level was pretty high.

But I think I've got that figured out. Hunny was nice enough to pick up some quick and easy dinners for me (frozen pizza, yuck, chicken kiev, yum...) and I have my meals all planned out for the week. I'm just going to have to be vigilant in preparing things more in advance, like at lunchtime! I actually did that the first two to three weeks of school, since we were having to pick up Hunny from his work when the kids were out of school, which meant we weren't returning home until around 5pm, when everyone is so hungry they are grabbing quick, unhealthy snacks. (like popping in at Wired Monk for a coffee and treats all around!)
{going back up to two vehicles has many pros and cons.}

This is the first night, and already I'm bored and I'm missing my Hunny. I don't want to go to bed! I don't mind being home alone and I am actually looking forward to having all this time to myself to do things I want to do. I tend to stay up and hang out with him, watching tv shows, just to spend time together. Which is sweet and cheesy and kind of silly. I'm sure his ego can handle it if I decide not to do that for one or two nights! But I have this guilty nag that tells me that I should spend all my time with my Hunny if I want to keep our marriage happy and thriving. (dang old nag!!!) So this week feels open and fun and full of possibility! I can spend my time downstairs being creative in my Stamp Room!!! (or so I like to think...we'll see how Miss Jellybean takes that!)

I've always thought I'd make a terrible Single Parent, and I don't want to minimize the hard work of those who have no choice, nor do I want to make it out to be worse than it is, or offend anyone at all, but it's true! I need my Hunny. I don't know if I'm patient enough or skilled enough or alert enough to care for this many children! The idea scares the heck outta me to even consider what it would be like if I were suddenly thrust into a situation where I HAD to be a single mom. Not just a week. But as from now on. Not because I'm that bad of a mom or that my kids are that troublesome, but because I rely on him so much! He has done so much for me and be such a huge part in the lives of these kids. Saying that sounds silly and you're probably thinking, well, yeah, of course he has, he's their father, your husband! But that doesn't mean anything! I have two friends who have left husbands who were NOT good fathers. The way they were treated wasn't nice at all either, but it was the way the kids were ignored and discarded that made it the hardest.  And, to be honest, I felt that I was in that group too, in the beginning. My Hunny was great and meant well and cared deeply for us all, but he wasn't involved. I spent a lot of time grumbling and thinking on how much he needed to change that I didn't see all of what he actually was doing.  If I want my marriage to be "happy and thriving", I need to take a good look at the man I married and see him for who he really is. And he is a wonderful blessing to me! I do admit that he's still lacking in the baby care department (I'm sure I can count on one hand how many diapers he's changed over our course of children!) but he is an incredible father to our Clan! And I need him.

This week will be an adventure for all of us! Ask me in a few days how I'm feeling about this, though! Maybe say a few prayers for us.... ;)


Powered by Blogger.