Thursday, October 3, 2013
I did my stress test a few weeks ago and survived! I was told beforehand that I'd have to go on a treadmill and that was it. And while that sounded easy, I was so nervous! As long as I kept reminding myself that I could walk great distances, I was okay. After all, I had gone for several walks with Hunny just a week or two prior without any great difficulty. But I was nervous that they'd make me jog and I knew I couldn't do that!
It turned out that it was just a walking test, phew! (however, I read online that if you can't walk they inject some soft of medication that increases your heart rate to get the results.) I had a bunch of wires and such attached to me (similar to the ECG) and off I walked.
It started up a slight incline, which wasn't easy, but I did okay. I managed to have a conversation with the woman doing the test (really, she just watched a screen and took notes, I did most of the work) about children (mostly my large brood) and living in the country with "old fashioned" ideas that we both seemed to share (unless she was humoring me) About five minutes into the test, the machine moved at a higher incline and increased in speed. That made me nervous. I was considering in my head all the ways that I could escape this machine if I needed to. Such as falling off, or riding it out the end and hopefully gracefully, stepping off the back end, but the thought that made the most sense to me was to jump to either side of the belt where it wasn't moving. (it never occurred to me that I could also reach out and hit that large red "stop" button at the top) Apparently this type of situation-getting-out-of thinking is common in my Dad too! But seriously, who walks that fast up a hill? Sheesh! I was still chatting with the young woman, but I was breathless and it was starting to get more difficult to keep up the conversation. (if we had gone any faster and it would've definitely been ceased on my end)
She asked if I could go faster and I puffed, "I'd rather not!" So she decided to stop the test.
I did 8.53 minutes! I was proud of myself. My Dad can only do two minutes when he goes to his Healthy Heart program, which is slightly concerning. In comparison to that, I did a marathon! It only took a few minutes for my heart to calm down and for me to not feel as sweaty, and then I got back into my clothes and went home.
I got an appointment to see the cardiologist, Dr Hamburger (yes, seriously) three weeks later. I really did not think there was anything wrong with my heart---but well, I've been having chest pains off and on for years. (I remember a particular attack one night when I was 19 1/2. It was the one night in our dating relationship that my ex-boyfriend showed compassion for me. How sad is that? I was in the much pain.) My first attacks came the day after I turned 19, and I missed several weeks of school from not having any energy to even get out of bed (my mom remembers me crawling to the bathroom), to having such incredible pain, and having several x-rays and ECGs done. Of course nothing showed anything. I ended up having to drop out of Bible College from missing too much school and not being able to catch up. (I still may be hurt and upset over that.) Since my Father had a heart attack last year, I've also been slightly concerned about my own heart health, (I do take after him the most out of his children.) so it was good to see a specialist.
He said that the results were good, which I also suspected. I figured they would've called me in for an appointment sooner if they were bad. He asked me questions; they were interesting ones. You could tell they were pointed one and that he was weighing and considering the answers. (he asked what I did before children and then asked if I missed being a retail manager...after he asked what one was! I said that I thought being a retail manager was tough, but then I became a mother and realized it was tougher!) Then he asked me to remove my shirt and bra so he could do an ECG on me! EEK! I just about died! I was glad Hunny was there! I didn't have a gown and the doctor just went about his business while I took off my tops. Not too shockingly, my BP was a elevated when he checked it! Imagine that! (he said that he would've been concerned since it was 'borderline', but seeing the situation..... I was thinking, 'uhm, like me having to get practically naked for a male doctor I've never met before?" Sheesh!) But it all went well. I reminded myself that a cardiologist sees lots of breasts. He's not going to oogle mine. Although, I also reminded myself that based upon a look around the waiting room, I'm sure my breasts are the perkiest and youngest he's seen in a long time! But he was respectful and paid no attention to them.
In the end, the cardiologist said that I'm fine and my heart is well and I'm not going to have a heart attack any time soon. But instead of me taking him at his word, he is going to send me for a holter monitor (yay) and an Echocardiogram. (Kai gets Echos done annually, and has had a holter done when he was newly diagnosed.) Then I can rely on those results and feel better too. At first, I thought that he didn't need to do that and I could believe him, but then as he was talking I was thinking that he was right. I would need further proof. But I do wonder if it will ease my mind at all. I really would like to have a diagnosis for my chest pain, please.
The cardiologist was great and personable and I liked him. But then he started to talk about our evolutionary brains, which was weird, but we got through it. He said how our brains were first created just like animals' brains, way back millions of years ago when we all lived in Africa, but then somewhere along evolution they changed and now have the curly parts that we're used to seeing. (I was thinking, 'excuse me, what are you talking about?') Our old Animal Brain reacts whenever we see a "predator" (anything that scares us) and it tells the heart to increase and we get the urge to run. However, the Curly Brain says there is no need to run, there is no predator. Since the two brains are in conflict with each other, we don't know what do to. We want to run and our body is reacting as if it is going to, but we don't actually move anywhere since we see that it isn't necessary. And that results in anxiety on our bodies.
Meanwhile, I"m thinking, 'okay, is he trying to tell me that I should take up running?" That part was a bit bizarre.
What he is saying is that he thinks the my chest pain comes from anxiety and stress. Somewhere along the line, something has happened that caused me to stress and I wasn't able to let it go and that caused my pain. He said that I may not feel anxiety when I have the pain but that's because it is so deep within.
H'mmm......
It's possible that my chest pain when I was 19 was due to the stress I had in going to Bible College. I was so scared that I'd never know how to write notes for class and I wouldn't understand anything. (I wasn't taught any of those handy things in highschool since those years were done in homeschooling. Which was great for me, but not so great in the confidence building.) Maybe the pain I felt when I was dating my ex was because he was a jerk and I made a poor choice in dating him and I knew it? My chest pain on the way to BCCH could have been from my fear of driving Oak Street. It's an old part of Vancouver (actually, most of Van is like this.) and so it really is only wide enough for 4 lanes of traffic, but they stuff 6 in there anyways. I am so nervous that I'm going to clip another vehicle driving!
But what about the other times? When I was at my parents and it hit out of the blue? Or when I had to call for an ambulance last year?
Dr Hamburger suggested that we talk together, Hunny and I, and discuss our stress. And if I can't, as some things a woman can only talk to with a girlfriend or family member, (he said this to my husband) I should find someone and tell them! This cardiologist-slash-therapist was interesting. His words on stress and talking really hit me. Not that I think he's right---that these chest pains are only from anxiety or stress. I really do still think that it could be costochondritis. (My Mom recently reminded me that my aunt by marriage has that. It's an autoimmune disease if it's chronic pain, but mostly it's short term, up to 6 months, due to injury. Hers, and possibly mine, are chronic) But like my Hunny said, maybe the costochondritis pain is triggered by stress. Which it could be.
I am already starting to see that when my body is exhausted, I start to have trouble breathing which then turns into slight chest pain. I know that my body is telling me that I need to rest. I just need to get every one else to realize I need it. (why can't Mommys ever take breaks?)
I'm not too sure what my next step is yet. I go for my holter monitor next week. Yay. So I get to drive all the way back to VGH to get this strapped to me, which should only take a few minutes, just to go home (although it will still cost us $6.50 to park for half hour. good grief!) and return back there the next day to return the monitor. That's going to suck. (My Echo is booked all the way in January 2014.) I've been having chest pain on and off, (one week I had pains every day) but nothing to the degree I had it in August, thankfully. I don't know if I should make an appointment to see my own doctor or not. Will the cardiologist have sent my test results and info to her? I didn't mention it to him, so maybe not. (I also didn't want her thinking that he'd diagnosed me with anxiety and so any chest pain I would mention to her, she would just disregard.) Right now, I am just trying to get the rest that I need and learning to pray more and rest in His peace.
It turned out that it was just a walking test, phew! (however, I read online that if you can't walk they inject some soft of medication that increases your heart rate to get the results.) I had a bunch of wires and such attached to me (similar to the ECG) and off I walked.
It started up a slight incline, which wasn't easy, but I did okay. I managed to have a conversation with the woman doing the test (really, she just watched a screen and took notes, I did most of the work) about children (mostly my large brood) and living in the country with "old fashioned" ideas that we both seemed to share (unless she was humoring me) About five minutes into the test, the machine moved at a higher incline and increased in speed. That made me nervous. I was considering in my head all the ways that I could escape this machine if I needed to. Such as falling off, or riding it out the end and hopefully gracefully, stepping off the back end, but the thought that made the most sense to me was to jump to either side of the belt where it wasn't moving. (it never occurred to me that I could also reach out and hit that large red "stop" button at the top) Apparently this type of situation-getting-out-of thinking is common in my Dad too! But seriously, who walks that fast up a hill? Sheesh! I was still chatting with the young woman, but I was breathless and it was starting to get more difficult to keep up the conversation. (if we had gone any faster and it would've definitely been ceased on my end)
She asked if I could go faster and I puffed, "I'd rather not!" So she decided to stop the test.
I did 8.53 minutes! I was proud of myself. My Dad can only do two minutes when he goes to his Healthy Heart program, which is slightly concerning. In comparison to that, I did a marathon! It only took a few minutes for my heart to calm down and for me to not feel as sweaty, and then I got back into my clothes and went home.
I got an appointment to see the cardiologist, Dr Hamburger (yes, seriously) three weeks later. I really did not think there was anything wrong with my heart---but well, I've been having chest pains off and on for years. (I remember a particular attack one night when I was 19 1/2. It was the one night in our dating relationship that my ex-boyfriend showed compassion for me. How sad is that? I was in the much pain.) My first attacks came the day after I turned 19, and I missed several weeks of school from not having any energy to even get out of bed (my mom remembers me crawling to the bathroom), to having such incredible pain, and having several x-rays and ECGs done. Of course nothing showed anything. I ended up having to drop out of Bible College from missing too much school and not being able to catch up. (I still may be hurt and upset over that.) Since my Father had a heart attack last year, I've also been slightly concerned about my own heart health, (I do take after him the most out of his children.) so it was good to see a specialist.
He said that the results were good, which I also suspected. I figured they would've called me in for an appointment sooner if they were bad. He asked me questions; they were interesting ones. You could tell they were pointed one and that he was weighing and considering the answers. (he asked what I did before children and then asked if I missed being a retail manager...after he asked what one was! I said that I thought being a retail manager was tough, but then I became a mother and realized it was tougher!) Then he asked me to remove my shirt and bra so he could do an ECG on me! EEK! I just about died! I was glad Hunny was there! I didn't have a gown and the doctor just went about his business while I took off my tops. Not too shockingly, my BP was a elevated when he checked it! Imagine that! (he said that he would've been concerned since it was 'borderline', but seeing the situation..... I was thinking, 'uhm, like me having to get practically naked for a male doctor I've never met before?" Sheesh!) But it all went well. I reminded myself that a cardiologist sees lots of breasts. He's not going to oogle mine. Although, I also reminded myself that based upon a look around the waiting room, I'm sure my breasts are the perkiest and youngest he's seen in a long time! But he was respectful and paid no attention to them.
In the end, the cardiologist said that I'm fine and my heart is well and I'm not going to have a heart attack any time soon. But instead of me taking him at his word, he is going to send me for a holter monitor (yay) and an Echocardiogram. (Kai gets Echos done annually, and has had a holter done when he was newly diagnosed.) Then I can rely on those results and feel better too. At first, I thought that he didn't need to do that and I could believe him, but then as he was talking I was thinking that he was right. I would need further proof. But I do wonder if it will ease my mind at all. I really would like to have a diagnosis for my chest pain, please.
The cardiologist was great and personable and I liked him. But then he started to talk about our evolutionary brains, which was weird, but we got through it. He said how our brains were first created just like animals' brains, way back millions of years ago when we all lived in Africa, but then somewhere along evolution they changed and now have the curly parts that we're used to seeing. (I was thinking, 'excuse me, what are you talking about?') Our old Animal Brain reacts whenever we see a "predator" (anything that scares us) and it tells the heart to increase and we get the urge to run. However, the Curly Brain says there is no need to run, there is no predator. Since the two brains are in conflict with each other, we don't know what do to. We want to run and our body is reacting as if it is going to, but we don't actually move anywhere since we see that it isn't necessary. And that results in anxiety on our bodies.
Meanwhile, I"m thinking, 'okay, is he trying to tell me that I should take up running?" That part was a bit bizarre.
What he is saying is that he thinks the my chest pain comes from anxiety and stress. Somewhere along the line, something has happened that caused me to stress and I wasn't able to let it go and that caused my pain. He said that I may not feel anxiety when I have the pain but that's because it is so deep within.
H'mmm......
It's possible that my chest pain when I was 19 was due to the stress I had in going to Bible College. I was so scared that I'd never know how to write notes for class and I wouldn't understand anything. (I wasn't taught any of those handy things in highschool since those years were done in homeschooling. Which was great for me, but not so great in the confidence building.) Maybe the pain I felt when I was dating my ex was because he was a jerk and I made a poor choice in dating him and I knew it? My chest pain on the way to BCCH could have been from my fear of driving Oak Street. It's an old part of Vancouver (actually, most of Van is like this.) and so it really is only wide enough for 4 lanes of traffic, but they stuff 6 in there anyways. I am so nervous that I'm going to clip another vehicle driving!
But what about the other times? When I was at my parents and it hit out of the blue? Or when I had to call for an ambulance last year?
Dr Hamburger suggested that we talk together, Hunny and I, and discuss our stress. And if I can't, as some things a woman can only talk to with a girlfriend or family member, (he said this to my husband) I should find someone and tell them! This cardiologist-slash-therapist was interesting. His words on stress and talking really hit me. Not that I think he's right---that these chest pains are only from anxiety or stress. I really do still think that it could be costochondritis. (My Mom recently reminded me that my aunt by marriage has that. It's an autoimmune disease if it's chronic pain, but mostly it's short term, up to 6 months, due to injury. Hers, and possibly mine, are chronic) But like my Hunny said, maybe the costochondritis pain is triggered by stress. Which it could be.
I am already starting to see that when my body is exhausted, I start to have trouble breathing which then turns into slight chest pain. I know that my body is telling me that I need to rest. I just need to get every one else to realize I need it. (why can't Mommys ever take breaks?)
I'm not too sure what my next step is yet. I go for my holter monitor next week. Yay. So I get to drive all the way back to VGH to get this strapped to me, which should only take a few minutes, just to go home (although it will still cost us $6.50 to park for half hour. good grief!) and return back there the next day to return the monitor. That's going to suck. (My Echo is booked all the way in January 2014.) I've been having chest pain on and off, (one week I had pains every day) but nothing to the degree I had it in August, thankfully. I don't know if I should make an appointment to see my own doctor or not. Will the cardiologist have sent my test results and info to her? I didn't mention it to him, so maybe not. (I also didn't want her thinking that he'd diagnosed me with anxiety and so any chest pain I would mention to her, she would just disregard.) Right now, I am just trying to get the rest that I need and learning to pray more and rest in His peace.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
We sang this at church this week and I have never heard of it before. How did I miss a song as great as this one? Unfortunately, I was busy with children and couldn't enjoy it as much. (do you find church stressful sometimes? I am trying to worship with music, which I LOVE to do, but I am constantly keeping an eye on my children, making sure they aren't distracting others, spilling drinks, or worse fighting, and so it's hard to get into it sometimes. I look forward to them leaving and going to Sunday School and to our last few songs at the end of the sermon message.)
When we sang it again at the end of the service, I cried. I had to ask our worship leader (who is our Children's Leader) what song it was!
I am so thankful for YouTube!
Great is He ~ Lindell Cooley
Great is He
He is King of Kings
He is Lord of Lords
He is wonderful
Hallelujah salvation and glory
Honor and power
He is wonderful
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah
He is wonderful
He is wonderful
He is wonderful
When we sang it again at the end of the service, I cried. I had to ask our worship leader (who is our Children's Leader) what song it was!
I am so thankful for YouTube!
Great is He ~ Lindell Cooley
Great is He
He is King of Kings
He is Lord of Lords
He is wonderful
Hallelujah salvation and glory
Honor and power
He is wonderful
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah
He is wonderful
He is wonderful
He is wonderful
So
incredibly pleased with the dentist appointments this morning (aside
from Eden's screaming heard throughout the building to voice her
displeasure of being there)! Both girls are cavity free! Woohoo! I can't recall a visit that good in a long long time! Even if one was deemed healthy, another had to return for work. :( But I have been trying to be strict about the toothbrushing (teethbrushing?) before bed...and whenever else we remembered (like before church or school) *cough cough*
Even better news is that Dr Geoff said that Abi has perfect teeth, as in aesthetics and alignment!!! Coming from someone with wildly crazy teeth, this made me the most happy!!! PERFECT TEETH! Those were his words! I probably shouldn't care, but I do. I care more than I need to as it weighs heavy on my insecurities. My crooked nowhere-near-perfect teeth is a constant every day battle for me. One of my biggest wishes were that my children wouldn't have to deal with the pain of poor oral genetics. So far so good.
I did my happy dance several times today!
Even better news is that Dr Geoff said that Abi has perfect teeth, as in aesthetics and alignment!!! Coming from someone with wildly crazy teeth, this made me the most happy!!! PERFECT TEETH! Those were his words! I probably shouldn't care, but I do. I care more than I need to as it weighs heavy on my insecurities. My crooked nowhere-near-perfect teeth is a constant every day battle for me. One of my biggest wishes were that my children wouldn't have to deal with the pain of poor oral genetics. So far so good.
I did my happy dance several times today!
Monday, September 30, 2013
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Well, my little minions are back in school. The Olders have gone for a whole week now and are starting to settle in. (funny how up until this year, only the older two were the "Olders", but now Bryn is included in that group! But I guess it all depends on what the topic is. If it's older-kid stuff, then I wouldn't. So never mind.) It just may be okay in the end.
Last week started out rough. When we saw the class lists on the Friday before Labour Day Weekend, we were very disappointed to see that the boys didn't have any of their friends placed in their classes with them. Now Bryn is easy going enough to make friends anywhere, and he didn't necessarily have any best friends yet, but there were two boys that he played with outside of class, so that was sad. I'm sure he'll make friends just fine this year too though. After all, it was more of me being sad than himself, so that has to stand for something.
Bryn is in Grade Two this year, and I find it so crazy to think of! Grade 1 seems so young, and Grade Two is so much older! I was so excited when I found out that his teacher is an aquaintance of mine; she is so much fun (and has long beautiful red hair that I am jealous of) and I think it's going to be great! She's only there for the first half of the year, though. In the New Year, the usual Gr 2 teacher will return. She's on her months-long honeymoon and living in Holland right now, which is so exciting to hear: that means that it is Kai's old grade two teacher, who I grew to love! (she's strict, but fun also! I think that Bryn will see her fun side more!)
When we found out that Kai and his best friend were separated it wasn't just me, but himself and his best friend, and his BFF's parents (also friends of ours) who were upset. And disappointed. And angry. It doesn't make any sense whatsoever to separate them! And if we were to take the words of their teachers last year, it was totally unexpected; she seemed to think they were such close friends that they completed each other's thoughts! So maybe the school thought it best to separate them to have them grow more independant of each other. But personally, I don't see how that is their problem or job. If their togetherness hindered their schoolwork, it would make sense, but we were never told that it had, so what was the point? Why not wait until they are in Middle School next year to separate them? (when most friendships do get displaced) *sigh*
Needless to say, Kai was a bit sad. Not only was he not with David, his joined-at-the-hip-they-are-practically-twins best friend, but he also wasn't placed with the teacher he wanted. (who happened to teach Abi, and who I adored just because she had such a rough year health-wise and he understood and gave her/us grace) The good news is that David got him...but he also got the two boys that had been bullying the two all of last year. *shaking my head* So in some ways, Kai has it easier, even if his teacher may be a bit stricter. *sigh* Either way, this year is going to have a few bumps.
Abi is in Grade 7 this year. I remember grade 7. It was a good year for me. I loved my teacher and it felt good to be the oldest ones in the school! But Abi is in the middle grade of the middle school, so she won't have that feeling, but hopefully she'll like her teacher and she will find it to be a fun year!
The first three days were tough and I didn't know what to suggest for the kids. But eventually, Kai managed to meet up with David and they made arrangements for recess and lunch and they continued to walk to the Middle School (with Bryn) at the end of the day, so that turned out good. Maybe it wouldn't be so terrible after all. But poor Abi was looking more and more miserable. I was beginning to think that I'd rather homeschool her and have her find opportunities there, than to send her to the school and be lonely and isolated. My heart was sad for her. But then, hooray! Morgan found her after school and invited her over and they reconnected and she found out that two of the new girls in her class also know Morgan and so she made two new friends!!!! God is good!!! What a blessing!!!! Suddenly the year was looking better again!!!!
I am entering their second week with praise and thankfulness and prayers for more peace and opportunities for them to grow and find courage.
Last week started out rough. When we saw the class lists on the Friday before Labour Day Weekend, we were very disappointed to see that the boys didn't have any of their friends placed in their classes with them. Now Bryn is easy going enough to make friends anywhere, and he didn't necessarily have any best friends yet, but there were two boys that he played with outside of class, so that was sad. I'm sure he'll make friends just fine this year too though. After all, it was more of me being sad than himself, so that has to stand for something.
Bryn is in Grade Two this year, and I find it so crazy to think of! Grade 1 seems so young, and Grade Two is so much older! I was so excited when I found out that his teacher is an aquaintance of mine; she is so much fun (and has long beautiful red hair that I am jealous of) and I think it's going to be great! She's only there for the first half of the year, though. In the New Year, the usual Gr 2 teacher will return. She's on her months-long honeymoon and living in Holland right now, which is so exciting to hear: that means that it is Kai's old grade two teacher, who I grew to love! (she's strict, but fun also! I think that Bryn will see her fun side more!)
When we found out that Kai and his best friend were separated it wasn't just me, but himself and his best friend, and his BFF's parents (also friends of ours) who were upset. And disappointed. And angry. It doesn't make any sense whatsoever to separate them! And if we were to take the words of their teachers last year, it was totally unexpected; she seemed to think they were such close friends that they completed each other's thoughts! So maybe the school thought it best to separate them to have them grow more independant of each other. But personally, I don't see how that is their problem or job. If their togetherness hindered their schoolwork, it would make sense, but we were never told that it had, so what was the point? Why not wait until they are in Middle School next year to separate them? (when most friendships do get displaced) *sigh*
Needless to say, Kai was a bit sad. Not only was he not with David, his joined-at-the-hip-they-are-practically-twins best friend, but he also wasn't placed with the teacher he wanted. (who happened to teach Abi, and who I adored just because she had such a rough year health-wise and he understood and gave her/us grace) The good news is that David got him...but he also got the two boys that had been bullying the two all of last year. *shaking my head* So in some ways, Kai has it easier, even if his teacher may be a bit stricter. *sigh* Either way, this year is going to have a few bumps.
Kai is in Grade Five this year. He's already looking bigger and starting to act more responsible. Most of the time. Last night not so much, when Hunny caught him on his DS at midnight (as we were going to bed) We were not impressed; he may not have his DS or iPod for a while.
Abi seemed to get out unscathed. I saw that she saw her friend, Morgan, in her class, so phew, maybe it wouldn't be too bad for her, even though her best friend moved to Korea last month. However, on the first day of school, she came to the van looking just as gloomy as Kai. It turns out that it was a different Morgan in her class, not her friend! And just like that, suddenly it looked like it was going to be a rough year for my Olders.
The first three days were tough and I didn't know what to suggest for the kids. But eventually, Kai managed to meet up with David and they made arrangements for recess and lunch and they continued to walk to the Middle School (with Bryn) at the end of the day, so that turned out good. Maybe it wouldn't be so terrible after all. But poor Abi was looking more and more miserable. I was beginning to think that I'd rather homeschool her and have her find opportunities there, than to send her to the school and be lonely and isolated. My heart was sad for her. But then, hooray! Morgan found her after school and invited her over and they reconnected and she found out that two of the new girls in her class also know Morgan and so she made two new friends!!!! God is good!!! What a blessing!!!! Suddenly the year was looking better again!!!!
I am entering their second week with praise and thankfulness and prayers for more peace and opportunities for them to grow and find courage.
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