Monday, April 16, 2007

feeling anti-social

Not too sure what my problem is. I'm having such a hard time responding to emails and writing and just sitting down and chatting with people. My blog has to be updated big time, I'm hardly responding to many posts on MWP. WHAT is going on???

I wish I knew. *pout*

I had a funny experience happen at Kai's speech therapy a few weeks back. There is a mother with a 2 year old boy, Kalob (yes, that's how it's spelled) and he does not like to participate in anything, just wants to sit in her lap, so it's not much fun for her. I told her after one of the classes that Kai was the EXACT same way last year. (so was Abi, actually) But he outgrew it. It's tough, but it won't always be that way. I wanted to encourage her. Well, then she wanted to give me her phone number so that when Kalob has his 3rd birthday we can come. Isn't that nice? …if his birthday weren't in SEPTEMBER!!!! LOL To be honest, my thoughts were, 'uhm, thanks lady, but I don't really intend to know anyone from this class in September! I'm not really here to make friends!"

Wow. Does that make me sound like a b**ch or what??? It does, doesn't it? But it's true for me. I'm NOT there to make friends. I'm only mildly interested in these people. There is one woman who holds my interest the most but that's b/c she has twin girls (one with spirally curls and one with pin-straight hair, fascinating!!!) and she reminds me of my friend with twin boys the same age. *wink*

I started taking Ciprelex again. It's been over two weeks and I'm feeling a bit better I guess. I seem to have some happiness and energy to play with the kids; that's good. But I've been feeling so…. I don't even know. Frustrated. Concerned. Sad. Two weeks ago, someone in our church lost her baby in a late miscarriage at 12w. A friend's 3 year old died this week. Another friend may lose her baby at 21w. It's been hard.

I wonder if I should be able to handle this better. AM I anti-social? Or am I dealing with some depression? Is this Normal? It just feels as though things are piling up, that's all. grr.

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