Thursday, August 15, 2013

dead ends?

I feel a bit on edge lately. Not quite stressed, but no where near relaxed either. It feels like my life is on the verge of changing, but into what I don't know. So many things are close to the end, but there are no side roads or street lights and no signs for alternate directions, just a dead end. And I'm stumped.

Right now, things are up in the air for my children's schooling....will they return to the school they've only known and that I am very attached to after 7 years? Will I be starting up something completely different, like, gasp, homeschooling?  What about Rhys? He is supposed to start preschool (which he is actually very excited about. Last year at this time, he was terrified at the idea! Yay for a year's change!) but will it even work out if the Olders have to change? *sigh* And, did I mention that school starts in 3 weeks?

Things are at an end with SU as well, and it saddens me. Friends who used to stamp and scrapbook have moved on to other things, it appears. I know! WTFroot? How do you stop being crafty???? So with no customers, it's not much of a business. *sigh*  I'm trying to decide what to do. I'm not able to go back to the workforce with Eden only being two. Sure, there are plenty of part-time jobs in retail and such for me (which is all I'm really qualified for. I worked retail after highschool and was a Store Manager of Claire's, which I am very proud of, thank-you very much. But that was over 10 years ago. I went on maternity leave and didn't come back.) but to do that means either putting E into day care (and R part time) or I do evenings/weekends, which means that Hunny can't get any work done.  (men truely are terrible at multitasking. grr.) I want to be able to help "provide" for the family, but I'm not too sure how yet. There are so many different things I want to do that I can't decide which way to go! GAH! I wish my brain didn't think so much!!!!

I'm trying to be patient and trust in God. I know that His ways are good and that whatever happens, where ever we are lead, is all a part of His plan. But that hasn't quite given me enough comfort yet. I wish I could say that was all I needed to be assured of, but not having ANY clue as to which way to go is quite daunting. It would be different if our alternative plans were ones we were excited about, but instead they really are our second options. And it would be much easier if I could even hear a whisper of His "still, small voice." But instead we have to stand here and wait.

I guess that means the only possible solution is to keep doing what we're doing. But that doesn't seem like much at all right now. It's hard to prepare when you don't know what you're preparing for!


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