Done with the holidays

Okay, I admit it: I am feeling ready for these Holidays to be over. Yet, with just two more days left before the kids return to school, I am also feeling those almost-done-holiday blues. You know, where you feel regrets and wishes that you could've done more and you remember all of the things that you had hoped to do? Those kinds of thoughts. I wish that we had gone out and done things. I wish that we had friends over like I had hoped. I wish that we didn't spend it all sick and cooped up inside.

It's been a good three weeks already of illness. Colds. Flus. Asthma.  And it's been a good three weeks of questioning if things could be handled at home or if I needed to seek medical attention; that's always the hardest part of being a parent. Second-guessing yourself. I watch my kids and I look for signs that they are worse or needing help. I actually spend more time wondering if they are okay than I do in feeling that things are going well. 

I was mentioning to my Hunny the other day that it is frustrating how going through medical complications should give you confidence, but instead it gives you more worries. Sure, I feel confident that I could handle another asthma attack like Abi's, and we could deal with another bout of pneumonia with Rhys (although that makes me worried that I will miss the signs just like I almost did four years ago), but I worry that the next inicident will be different. After all, Kai's signs of asthma are different. Abi will tell me that she is having trouble breathing and her chest is tight and she will wheeze. Kai just coughs and coughs. 

Both of which they have been doing all week. It's been tough. I am thankful that they have inhalers, and that things haven't gotten worse for them. But it's been hard for me to know that they are struggling with chest tightness, but not being able to help them other than give them suggestions on how to deal with it. We've done inhalers, and cold drinks and Vap-o-rub, and even pulled out the Nebulizer; nothing helps long term.

I am tired of the coughing, and I am tired of the unsuriety (is that a word?) and I am tired of not enough sleep because I am listening for signs of sickness and pregression in my kids.  I am ready for back to schedules and normal living and health. I am ready for the New Year to begin!