Saturday, August 9, 2014

and if not....

I have been struggling with fatigue, breathlessness and chest pain for a whole eight days now. It is to the point now where I am so weak and weary that I am in tears and pleading for more strength because I don't know how I can continue like this.

Is it my thyroid?  I had my blood work done again this past weekend, so hopefully my doctor has the results in now. Is it wrong that I am praying that something will be wrong and that the doctor will call me at home with an answer?  If I don't get that call then that means that all is supposedly well with me, but I am walking evidence that it is not.

Is it my Mitral Valve Prolapse?  That is supposedly "symptomless" as well, yet I was in such incredible chest pain last night. If I didn't know that MVP was my cause and that it is not life threatening, I would be a lot more worried.

So at this point, on day eight, I am struggling. I am trying to keep focused and I am trying not to get myself worked up and I am trying to remain calm, but the truth is that I am having a hard time trying to convince myself that all is well.

I was reading in one of my Bible devotionals, called She Reads Truth, about this phrase: and if not... and it really has stuck with me.  I copied their words in my journal: I believe that God will show up, that He will show up here on earth and move in His people and move mountains.

And if not...

And if not, He is still good. He is still the King Most High. He alone is still worthy of our worship. It is still worth it.

"Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied, "we do not need to defend ourselves before you. if we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us....but even if He doesn't...we want to make it clear to you that we will never serve your gods."  Daniel 3: 17, 18


But even if He doesn't....

And if not....

If things don't get better. If I don't feel well. If I can not find the strength. He is still good. He is still God. He is still my Saviour. He is still the King. And I still trust Him. 

But I am struggling.


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